Columbo (TV Series)

Any Old Port in a Storm (1973)

Peter Falk: Columbo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Officer : [seeing Columbo's unlit cigar]  Hey-ay, can I light that for you?

  Columbo : No, no thanks. Tryin' to cut down. All I do is chew 'em lately.

  Officer : Why don't you chew a cheaper cigar?

  Columbo : I don't want to cut down on my standard of living.

• Columbo : How can you tell a good wine from an average wine?

  Frenchman : By, uh... the price.

• Adrian Carsini : I think you're really gonna like this wine. It's a...

  Columbo : Oh, don't tell me. Let me guess.

  [sips wine] 

  Columbo : Sensitive breeding. Rich bouquet. Strong vinosity. Well, it's a Burgundy; I'm just not sure whether it's a Pinot Noir or a Gamay.

• Columbo : [to Ric's fiancée]  You two didn't have a fight or anything, did yuh?

  Joan Stacey : No, but...

  Columbo : Maybe he got cold feet. That's been known to happen. Was he married before?

  Joan Stacey : Three times.

  Columbo : Three times. I guess his feet are warm enough by now.

• Adrian Carsini : You're an Italian, aren't you?

  Columbo : Uh, yes, sir, on both sides.

  Adrian Carsini : Well, you should know about good wine. It goes with the heritage.

  Columbo : Well, I guess I kind of messed up in that department. I'm gonna tell ya somethin' else - uh, I'm probably the only Italian in the world who can't sing either.

• Columbo : My handwriting is so bad, sometimes I think I should've been a doctor.

• Columbo : [Become dizzy after standing up]  Oh, boy!

  Adrian Carsini : You all right?

  Columbo : I didn't realize I drank that much. Whatta ya call that stuff?

  Adrian Carsini : Cabernet sauvignon.

  Columbo : I usually don't drink anything I can't pronounce, but I can see I got a lot to learn. First thing I gotta learn is how to hold my cabernet sauvignon.

• Columbo : Uh, excuse me. My name is Lt. Columbo, I'm with the Los Angeles Police Department, and I need a little help. Uh, can anybody here tell me - did it rain last Tuesday?

• Karen Fielding : I must have your name.

  Columbo : Why would you want my name when you have such a nice name yourself?

• Columbo : [as his dinner guests are served Ferrier Vintage Port, 1945]  Drinks all around.

• Columbo : Did it rain last Tuesday?

  Bartender : Mister, I can't remember what happened this morning.

• Adrian Carsini : Why were you assigned to the case? I mean, you're-you're in homicide, aren't you?

  Columbo : I just go where they tell me to, sir.

  Adrian Carsini : Well, doesn't look right to me. It looks like they, uh... they suspect someone of, uh, foul play.

  Columbo : Well, maybe they do, sir, but you certainly don't have anything to worry about. You were three thousand miles away at the time of his death, right?

  Adrian Carsini : Right.

• Adrian Carsini : You've learned very well, Lieutenant.

  Columbo : That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

• Adrian Carsini : Didn't your family ever drink wines at home?

  Columbo : I tell you, the closest we ever came to it was my father's job during prohibition.

  Adrian Carsini : Bootlegger?

  Columbo : No, he was a tail gunner on a beer truck.

• Columbo : I'm still a little hung over from Mr. Carsini's Cabernet, uh, what-cha-ma-call-it.

• Columbo : He allowed YOU to decant the claret?

  Falcon : Yes. I was honored.

  Columbo : Man needs a very steady hand for that.

  Falcon : [laughs]  Oh, yes. Very steady.

• Columbo : I thought wine was just to drink. Today I found out it's also an investment. Some bottles of wine sell for $100, can you believe that?

  Adrian Carsini : That's a fair medium. I have bought bottles of wine that cost, oh, $5,000.

  Columbo : $5,000 for a bottle of wine? You know, my father never made $5,000 in a year! Can you imagine drinking a year's salary in one night?

• Columbo : If I can bring a baby-sitter, I'll even bring my wife

  [to the restaurant] 

  Columbo : .

• Columbo : I'm not very good on details, that's why I write everything down.