User Reviews

When it comes to well-endowed women, nobody can match Chesty Morgan, the Polish exotic dancer who certainly made the most of her two assets. Chesty (born Liliana Wilczkowska) has 73FF size bosoms and many say that number might be too low. Then again, I think Jane Birkin's 32A was too high. We're talking about the Alpha and Omega of boob-dom.

Doris Wishman, one of the pioneers of adult film-making, brought Morgan over to make a series of films that today are cult favorites simply for their zaniness as well as for being laughably low budget and with terrible dubbing and acting.

Deadly Weapons has Ms. Morgan playing Crystal, who is the girlfriend/moll of a man with the Mafia. She is talking to him when two of his associates accuse him of a double-cross and kill him. She overhears all this on the phone as it was not hung up and the criminals didn't know the phone was in use. She finds out where the two will be hiding out and so she travels to these cities to exact her revenge for her boyfriend's death by killing them with her "deadly weapons". Yes, her 73s.

Her breasts seem to be the main focus and rightfully so. They are massive and they are also frightening to the eye. When she isn't wearing a bra they cover her entire front. They are simply too big and droopy and they aren't attractive at all. As I prefer a nice natural B-Cup over these monsters, I don't find Chesty all that attractive from the neck down. She does have a nice face. However, her lines are dubbed and she seems to have very little screen presence. She seems to act in the film as if she's trying to pretend there isn't a camera watching her. There are also some hilarious flashback scenes where she and her boyfriend are sharing tender moments together and we see those jugs in the biggest bras ever made.

Harry Reems is also in this film although I wonder why. The legendary porn star of the 1970's plays one of the killers but phones it in here. I guess he needed the money.

If you want to see men getting killed in a ridiculous manner, what a typical low budget film looks like or a curiosity piece that must be seen to be believed you have to check this film out. No movie can come close to offering what this one does. It's surprising that Chesty didn't do a film with Russ Meyer as she would have been experienced with the kind of films, women and content his films offered but she probably wasn't worth the trouble.

Crime drama and sexploitation go together like peanut butter and jelly, and Doris Wishman is certainly one director who made a career off blending the perverse with the criminal. So, you'd think with a gimmick like Chesty Morgan at her disposal, you'd have an easy winning sleaze-fest. Sadly, you'd be very much mistaken.

In "Deadly Weapons," Chesty plays a woman named Crystal, who's boyfriend is a member of the mob. But when he double-crosses his boss, he ends up dead. So, Crystal sets out to revenge her lover with the two best weapons she has: her enormous breasts! That's as far as any story development goes.

To say the plot here is tissue thin, is really an insult to tissues. Little in this freak show makes any sense. We never learn what the information is that the crime boss is so eager to recover. And when Chesty's character goes for her revenge, there is absolutely no planning of any kind. She just packs up and miraculously finds her targets. The attempt for a twist ending, unlike Chesty herself, falls completely flat. Throw in some of Wishman's typical directorial excesses throughout the film, like lingering camera shots of the floor or ashtrays and plants, as well as a group of actors who don't know how to deliver lines, even they are sent by Western Union, and you have a train wreak larger than Chesty's own boobs.

And speaking of which, let me say, as an American male of the heterosexual persuasion, I love me some boobies. But Chesty's aren't sexy at all. Not just because their massive size is so unseemly, but she really doesn't even know how to use them effectively. There's a striptease scene she does about halfway in the film and it has to be the most unerotic thing I've ever seen. She just looks like she walking through the whole movie bored out of her mind. Even a scene where she bathes is completely unenticing.

Is there anything worth seeing here? Well, there is some nice scenic shots of the old 70's Las Vegas and Miami. And the opening montage during the credits is as close as Chesty comes to doing anything of value with her ample mammaries. That's about it, however.

No one ever goes into a sexploitation film like this expecting great cinematic brilliance, but you do expect some level of entertainment value, either by arousal or unintentional humor and a fun plot. This film has neither of those qualities, which given Chesty's figure you might think wouldn't be possible. There was certainly enough potential with the material and assets here to make something that could have been some dirty fun, but there was simply no follow through by anyone involved with this production. What you end up with is an uninteresting and unerotic film, which is pretty much a kiss of death in this genre. Unless you are a total Doris Wishman die-hard, this one should be an easy skip for you.

I really didn't know hot to rate this "film".You either give it a ten, or a one.Since I would give a ten only to a good movie that contributes to the art of making cinema I have to rate this one a 1. I saw "Deadly weapons" after reading all the reviews here, and I tell you only a masochistic movie freak would do that to himself.I consider myself one, and if you are one too YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS MOVIE!!! The whole movie is like a big car accident:can't look at it, but can't look away either.Chesty Morgan is the worst actress ever, most of the time the camera is focusing on her monstrous bombs, than on her face.She is unerotic, acts like she's been on drugs all the time.A robot would act better.Same with the rest of the cast. Everything in this movie is so bad, its just the story that keeps it alive.And its a hell of a story!:A woman with huge boobs revenges the murder of her fiancé killing the two responsible with those same boobs.The plot is a disaster: instead of straight poisoning the two mobsters Crystal first gives them a pill which paralyzes them so she can then smother them with her breasts. While smothering them she has a kind of orgasm(at least that is how it looks like).The best scene is the big finale.Here I'm gonna spoil the end(who cares?):it turns out that her dad was the mob boss who ordered the murder of her boyfriend.The ending is so ridiculous you would laugh you **ses off. So the dad kills his daughter(Crystal), who AFTER DYING somehow manages to KILL HIM after a magic gun appears out of nowhere in her hand.So in the end everybody dies( hey, this could have been a Scorsese movie!!)See this movie!!!

Truly, the films of Doris Wishman qualify as an acquired taste. Meantime, this low-budget, exploitation filmmaker recognized a publicity stunt when she saw one, and she saw it when she met busty Chesty Morgan. Morgan came made-to-order with a pair of prodigious breasts. Meaning, each breast is enormous, and together our heroine deploys them to smother her ill-fated victims! First, Wishman came up with a surefire premise about a killer equipped killer breasts. Now, horrendous as this poorly shot, ineptly edited, and poorly plotted picture is, "Deadly Weapons" is still worth a gander just to say you saw it. This is probably what Doris thought when she made it. Tiresome as its formulaic revenge plot is, this crime thriller depicts a woman who isn't a victim and deploys her well-endowed charms for maximum effect. Apart from the shots of Chesty's bosom, the film plays like a skit and evokes laugh because everybody must have appreciated the gag. There is a minor stabbing scene in a stairwell with some bogus blood for gorehounds. The concept of "Deadly Weapons" was classic with its one-in-a-lifetime surefire gimmick! Harry Reems of "Deep Throat" plays one of the three gangsters that Chesty targets with his mountainous mammaries. You've got to see it (them) to believe them.

Doris Wishman wasn't exactly the most technically skilled director (understatement of the year there), but she was great at one thing: coming up with an absolutely ridiculous gimmick and then playing it completely straight. That feels like a lost art. In an era where every 'cult' film is chock full of self-referential humor, revisiting "Deadly Weapons" is truly a breath of fresh air.

Take our lead performance by Chesty Morgan (for some reason credited as 'Zsa Zsa'), for example. It's absolutely terrible, but it's absolutely terrible in a genuine kind of way. She's not some edgy Kickstarter donor who hams it up on purpose in the hopes of becoming a meme. She tries to do a good job, but that wasn't exactly easy when directed by Wishman. The duo apparently didn't get along at all and this film (like most Wishman films) was shot without a finished script. Not exactly ideal circumstances for a first-time actress. Her co-stars don't do much better, although it was fun to spot the dad from "Last House On The Left" in a supporting role. Some filmography that guy has!

Another thing I really enjoy about "Deadly Weapons" is how unapologetically sleazy it is. I mean, what can I say about a movie that literally starts with a close-up of the main character's bare chest? I don't mean the first minute. It's literally the first shot of the movie. Having watched way too much grindhouse smut from the 1970s, I don't think I've ever seen that. I'm including adult films here. It's almost like Wishman said 'here's what you paid for pervs, now you can leave'. It helps that this opening sequence is accompanied by the greatest song nobody has ever heard. I don't know who Mike Lease is, but "Hard Selling Woman" desperately needs play on every classic rock station.

Obviously, this movie is not exactly perfect. For one thing, the pace is rather sluggish. Wishman struggles to keep her bare-bones revenge plot interesting, there's really not much going on here in terms of story. By the time the rather nonsensical ending twist comes in, you're not exactly that invested anymore. Even at a paltry 75 minutes, the movie could have trimmed some fat. Furthermore, it's also rather repetitive. Chesty Morgan's amazing anatomy suffers a bit from diminishing returns. If anything, "Deadly Weapons" proves you can get used to pretty much everything. By the umpteenth time Morgan takes it off, it barely even registers as nudity anymore.

These faults don't truly hurt the amazing charm this movie has though. Wishman is such a unique figure within the history of B-movies, her work is everything at once but never unmemorable. "Deadly Weapons" is no exception to that rule.