- Gwendolyn Snoop Nicholson: They're going to revive all the films that made Michael Bastian what he is today.
- Barney: An out-of-work actor.
- Gwendolyn Snoop Nicholson: Oh, Mike, can you give us another egg?
- Michael Bastion: I'm afraid our hens are all laid out.
- Arwin Shanks: Miss Snoop, I do hope you will keep my little secret. It could be very awkward.
- Ernesta Snoop: Murder always is.
- Ernesta Snoop: [watching Michael's old horror movie] I was wrong. I remembered it as being terrible. It's worse than that.
- Gwendolyn Snoop Nicholson: The picture doesn't quite hold up.
- Ernesta Snoop: If anybody has to pay to see it, THAT's a hold-up.
- Michael Bastion: You want more?
- Gwendolyn Snoop Nicholson: Wine is food for the soul.
- Michael Bastion: But it, uh... it isn't chilled, and it's way down in the cellar.
- Gwendolyn Snoop Nicholson: Is that too far to go for my soul?
- Michael Bastion: Have a little consideration. These are my fans.
- Amanda Bastion: Oh, is THAT what they are? Where've they been hiding all these years?
- Arwin Shanks' secretary: He always plays golf on Wednesday.
- Ernesta Snoop: Oh. I thought he was an attorney, not a doctor.