- Charlie Waters: If it takes a watermelon five minutes to water. How long does it take a sweetpea to pee? As long as it takes a pair of dice to crap.
- Charlie Waters: I've seen an elephant walk, but...
- Bill Denny, Charlie Waters: I've never seen an elephant fly.
- Bill Denny: My God, that Dumbo flew.
- Charlie Waters: A lot of black folks said that was bad news, you know, seeing a black crow sing about a big flying elephant. What's that? It's taboo! No black crows.
- Bill Denny: Come on, Valdez! Come on, Valdez!
- Charlie Waters: Who's Valdez?
- Bill Denny: Valdez is the jockey!
- Bill Denny: [drinking in a bar] $20 says you can't name the seven dwarfs.
- Charlie Waters: OK. I know I can name three or four of them.
- Bill Denny: Here come seven like a Gatling gun.
- Charlie Waters: OK, seven dwarfs, I'm ready.
- Bill Denny: Sleepy-Grumpy-Doc...... ..Sleepy-Grumpy-Doc...... ..
- Charlie Waters: This is the truth. You're an animal lover, right? Okay, well, the great blue whale, right? You know about a great blue whale?
- Susan Peters: Isn't it that wrestling guy, huh?
- Charlie Waters: No, it's a big fish. A big fish. There's only about two or three left in the world. And the truth, the tongue of the great blue whale weighs more than a full-grown African elephant.
- Susan Peters: No, it's not true.
- Charlie Waters: You don't believe it?
- Susan Peters: You're just making it up to make me feel better. 'Cause you don't like to see me cry.
- Charlie Waters: You feel a little better?
- Susan Peters: Yeah, I do.
- First Bartender: If I give you $30 and I come up short, it'll be your ass.
- Go-Go Girl: Baby, you were born short. And it's always my ass.
- Barbara Miller: Listen, fellows, it's breakfast time. We got Lucky Charms and...
- Charlie Waters: What's with this?
- Barbara Miller: Froot Loops! .
- Charlie Waters: Froot Loops? Have some waffles and...
- Bill Denny: I'll just have coffee.
- Charlie Waters: A little razzle-dazzle.
- Bill Denny: A lot of dazzle-dazzle.
- Charlie Waters: The minstrel man strikes again.
- Charlie Waters: What's your name, honey?
- Helen Brown: Brown.
- Charlie Waters: Brown, huh?
- Helen Brown: Yes, sir.
- Charlie Waters: First name?
- Helen Brown: Helen.
- Charlie Waters: Helen Gurley Brown?
- Charlie Waters: What's shaking, baby?
- Susan Peters: I just want to go to bed.
- Barbara Miller: Take your coat off, sweetheart.
- Barbara Miller: Your favorite: Lucky Charms.
- Charlie Waters: Hey, baby, can I have a beer, honey? You want a cold beer?
- Bill Denny: No. No, thanks.
- Charlie Waters: It goes good with your Froot Loops!
- Helen Brown: Do you like the dress? I had it - whoops - yes, I had it made in Omaha. Yeah, but I just - well - I just never had the balls to wear it, you know, outside.
- Barbara Miller: Well, honey, it's sexy and...
- Susan Peters: I love the dress.
- Susan Peters: Dignified.
- Susan Peters: Elegant.
- Barbara Miller: It is. It's elegant.
- Charlie Waters: Listen, you let a man rub some hot shaving cream on your ribs... you can take a shot with him at the track.
- Charlie Waters: Packing it all up and moving to Europe to paint, huh?
- Bill Denny: Yeah. I'm going to Reno.
- Woman at Bar: What the fuck am I doing in this dump anyway? You should've seen the place where I was last night. It was really classy.
- Second Bartender: Any chance you could go back there?
- Woman at Bar: Nah, classy places don't open this early.
- Charlie Waters: I got a cherry. I got two cherries. Excuse me. I got two cherries and nothing happened.
- Charlie Waters: Reno, that game. It sounds like a tough game, tough action, William, with a lot of these lumberjacks going up there. Cowboys, rich guys. Tough action, William. It's a tough game.
- Charlie Waters: You ever been in jail in New York? They give you powdered eggs. Powdered, shitty - the shittiest food in the world. I can't believe you haven't been in jail.
- Charlie Waters: Hey Andy, give my friend here a beer.
- Bill Denny: Hey Andy, you wanna give my friend here another beer?
- Charlie Waters: Give my friend here a beer, will ya?
- Sparkie: Okay, I beat you. Ten days later you come to me and you don't have any money. You're out of line already, Bill, but I extend that. I mean, I extended it to you. You told me you're gonna have the cash. Right? You told me you got things going. I don't know what you're saying to me. But you're gonna have the money, you have a way to get it. I mean, did you not say that? What you're trying to tell me is, come payoff day - you don't have dollar one, plus you owe me more. Man, I've heard it before. You don't have dollar one, do you? You gotta think I'm some stupid schmuck here.
- Sparkie: Was there any pressure put on you at all?
- Bill Denny: No, you were very nice.
- Sparkie: Forget nice. I don't give a *fuck* about nice.
- Woman at Bar: She's shacking up with my old man. He gave me this watch for Christmas. I don't ever take it off. Ain't it pretty? You can even wear it in the tub with you.
- Woman at Bar: He just sits there and looks at me. Just some dumb fuck like all the men around here. Bunch of faggots. I bet they can't even get it up. Oh, shit. What am I doing here? Fuck you, faggot!
- Charlie Waters: You weren't in the dream, William. My parrot was in the dream, though. It was a hell of a handicap. He said, "Bet number four. Number four. Polly want a four." He doesn't eat nothing, doesn't dirty nothing.
- Charlie Waters: I got to have a drink. Give me a double Scotch, will you? I'm beginning to feel the pressure.
- Charlie Waters: I feel like a winner, but I know I look like a loser. We busted? We got anything left? What's up in that game?
- Charlie Waters: I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna get a suite, here. We'll get a couple of outfits, some new clothes. Maybe we'll hit the old Mustang Ranch, right? You and me get a couple of little ladies. Have a ball, right? Then maybe we'll come down, go to Vegas, hire a limousine, get a driver, hit every track in the world. Right?
- Charlie Waters: Eight. Eight. Eight. Give me a pair of fours, now. A pair of fours and I'll shit in my drawers. Put your money on double four, lady. This man's going all the way. Eight!
- Charlie Waters: Do you always take a big win this hard?
- Bill Denny: Charlie, there was no special feeling in it. I just said there was.
- Charlie Waters: Yeah, I know that. Everybody knows that.
- Charlie Waters: [after splitting their winnings] Don't mean a fucking thing, does it?
- Bill Denny: I have to go home.
- Charlie Waters: Oh yeah, where do you live?
- Bill Denny: I'll see ya.