Time Bandits (1981)

David Warner: Evil Genius

Photos 

Quotes 

• Evil : God isn't interested in technology. He cares nothing for the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time, forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men!

  Robert : Slugs.

  Evil : Slugs! HE created slugs! They can't hear. They can't speak. They can't operate machinery. Are we not in the hands of a lunatic?

• Evil : [1:30:15]  Oh, Benson... Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.

  Benson : Oh, you say such nice things, Master.

  Evil : Yes I know, I'm sorry!

• Evil : If I were creating the world I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o'clock, Day One!

  [zaps one of his minions accidentally, minion screams] 

  Evil : Sorry.

• Evil : When I have the map, I will be free, and the world will be different, because I have understanding.

  Robert : Uh, understanding of what, Master?

  Evil : Digital watches. And soon I shall have understanding of video cassette recorders and car telephones. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers. And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being!

• Evil : Suddenly, I feel very, very good.

  Robert : Oh, I'm sorry, Master.

  Evil : No, it'll pass, it'll pass.

• Evil : What sort of Supreme Being created such riffraff? Is this not the workings of a complete incompetent?

  Baxi Brazilia III : But He created you, Evil One.

  Evil : What did you say?

  Baxi Brazilia III : Well He created you, so He can't be entirely...

  Evil : [Blows Baxi to bits]  Never talk to me like that again! No one created me! I am Evil. Evil existed long before good. I made myself. I cannot be unmade. *I* am all powerful!

• Cartwright : But why, if that's the case, are you unable to escape from this fortress?

  [Evil blows him up] 

  Evil : That's a good question. Why have I let the Supreme Being keep me here in the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness?

  Robert : Because you...

  Evil : Shut up, I'm speaking rhetorically.

• Evil : I have the map! I have the map! And the day after tomorrow... The world!

• Evil : Now Benson, I shall have to turn you into a dog for a while.

• Evil : Stand by for Mind Control!

• Evil : Oh, Robert, Benson! I feel the power of evil coursing through my veins, filling every corner of my being with the desire to do wrong! I feel so bad, Benson!

  Benson : Good! Good!

  Evil : Yes, it is good, for this is the worst kind of badness that I'm feeling!

• Evil : Show me... show me, subscriber trunk dialing. I must know everything.

• Evil : You are a very troublesome little fellow. I think I should teach you one of my special lessons? What do you think, Robert? Benson? What would look nice? Half-warthog? Half-donkey? Half-oyster? Half-carrot?

• Evil : So this is the best the Supreme Being can do?

• Evil : If you're wrong, Benson, my revenge will be slow and unpleasant. I will turn you inside out over a very long period of time.

  Benson : Oh, thank you, master, thank you!