Madame's Place (1982–1983)

Charles Pierce: Bette Davis, Charley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cousin Charlie : Why, I passed your house the other day. You must have been sunbathing on the patio. Vultures were circling overhead.

  Madame : Oh yes. I do remember you swooping and swirling on your broomstick spelling out the words "Surrender Dorothy".

• Madame : Don't you recognize me? I'm your cousin Madame!

  Cousin Charlie : Oh, yes. Now I remember. Your mother called you Madame because she couldn't spell Blech!

  [shakes ashes from his cigarette into Madame's mouth] 

  Madame : Ptoo! What an ash!

• Cousin Charlie : Is it true darling that on your license plate it says "For Covered Wagons Only"?

• Cousin Charlie : My god, are you putting on weight or are my eyeballs getting fat?

  Madame : What are you talking about? I have the body of a 16 year old girl.

  Cousin Charlie : You ought to give it back dear. Your wrinkling the hell out of it. Tell me darling, is that your face or did your neck throw-up?

• Cousin Charlie : I hope you like my dress.

  Madame : You bet dear. I love your dress. I always have.

  Cousin Charlie : Ha-ha. Darling, that joke has been around since 1776. And so have you. Why, you gave Minute-Men a whole new meaning.

  Madame : How amusing coming from someone who's seen more ceilings than Michaelangelo.

• Cousin Charlie : Well, if you need me I'll be in my dressing room practicing my collection of one-liners.

  Madame : Well, be sure to do a good job darling. They're all in your face.

• Cousin Charlie : [as Mae West]  Oh, I always said that Sex is a misdemeanor. D' more you miss, d' meaner you get.

• Cousin Charlie : [as Mae West]  Why don't you come up and see me some time? How about Wednesday? That's amateur night.