Deadline Auto Theft (1983)

Hoyt Axton: Captain Gibbs

Quotes 

• Captain Gibbs : [the telephone rings]  Gibbs, here.

  Carl : Captain Gibbs, this is Carl and your people won't let me get my personal effects out of the car. It's bad enough my Bricklin's broken. I could lose my image.

  Captain Gibbs : [sarcastically]  You know, you're really breaking my heart, Carl.

  Carl : But, captain, they won't let me see my baby. I mean, some cop said they won't release it because of evidence or something. Come on, what's the deal?

  Captain Gibbs : That's why we have impound lots.

  Carl : Look! I have to show what's left of my car to the insurance adjuster or I'll never get any money out of it! You gotta help me! Please!

  Captain Gibbs : I'll meet you down there at 4:00.

  Carl : 4:00? I have to be in Hollywood, this afternoon for an important meeting. Let's make it 2:30. What do you say?

  Captain Gibbs : No. Good-bye, Carl.

  [Hangs up] 

  Carl : [Still on the other line]  What about my reputation?

  Captain Gibbs : Shut up, Carl.

• Maindrian Pace : I'm looking for a Carl DeGusta. I'm Maindrian Pace. I'm the insurance investigator on this case.

  Captain Gibbs : [shaking hands]  Captain Gibbs.

  Maindrian Pace : Pleasure.

  Captain Gibbs : Where's my check?

  Maindrian Pace : Yeah, I'm sorry, are you Mr. DeGusta?

  Carl : Yes, I am.

  Judi Gibbs : I'm sorry, it doesn't work quite that easily. We'll have to conduct an investigation, first.

  Carl : [impatiently]  Hey, look, really, I don't need any of this "Gosh, I'm sorry for you", see? I'm a busy man, I have things to do, I have business appointments to deal with. I want my money and I want it now! I mean, I don't want to hear anything about "I'll call you later", 'cause that's my game!

  Judi Gibbs : Carl, you'll get another car.

  Carl : I don't want another car! I want my Bricklin! I can't drive around this town without a status car! Hey! What do you want me to drive around in? A Bug?

  Captain Gibbs : Slow down, Carl. Your lips are smoking. Mr. Pace, can I talk to you, for a minute, please?

  Maindrian Pace : Sure.

  [Gibbs takes him from a far distance from Carl and Judi] 

  Maindrian Pace : Now, for reasons known only to God, my daughter here sees something in this gentleman and I'd appreciate it if you could speed up the process, just a little bit.

  Maindrian Pace : Well, we do have certain procedures that we have to follow.

  Captain Gibbs : I'm fully aware of procedures, Mr. Pace. I am the captain of the Los Angeles police force, auto theft detail.

  Maindrian Pace : I see.

  [turns around to Carl] 

  Maindrian Pace : Mr. DeGusta, I'll have your check for $10,000, along with proof of insurance.

  Carl : That's better.

  Maindrian Pace : [sarcastic]  You're welcome.

• Captain Gibbs : Arthur, I want this dude bad. Now, I want you to get the entire squad down to the impound yard at 3:30, this afternoon.

  Lt. Arthur : All three shifts?

  Captain Gibbs : Get 'em out of bed, if you have to, but get 'em down there and we're gonna have to remind these boys that are motto in this department is to serve and protect, not to destroy and terrrorize.

• Captain Gibbs : [to Carl]  You know something? You're not my favorite person.

• Carl : I just bought the damn thing. There's only 15 like them in the United States!

  Captain Gibbs : 1974 orange Bricklin. License - What's the number?

  Carl : UDONOME.

  Captain Gibbs : [confused]  What?

  Carl : UDONOME. Mr. Cool was already taken.

• Captain Gibbs : Now, we happen to be in the business of recovering stolen cars, not flying them into boats. Isn't that right, Olsen?

  Detective Olsen : [unattentive]  Yeah...

  Captain Gibbs : Yes, sir.

  Detective Olsen : [alert]  Yes, sir!

  Captain Gibbs : Now, did anybody notice that we happen to be driving black-and whites, today? Maswacowski?

  Detective Maswakowski : No, sir.

  Captain Gibbs : Do you know why? It's because we don't have any more unmarked patrol cars. We were lucky the motor pool gave us the black-and-whites and you know what else I got today, Hawkins?

  Detective Hawkins : No, sir.

  Captain Gibbs : Bills! Two boats, one tractor-semi, and Loretta's Lunch Box! I'm getting an ulcer and no results! I've got a pension to think about! Now, do you know what this is? This is our Prince Charming's tool box! He got away and we got a briefcase! Forensics had this all night long and they couldn't lift one print from it! Nothing! Nothing! No-thing! He's one of the best, but we're going to get him! I want to nail his ass to the wall! He's driving me nuts! YOU'RE ALL DRIVING ME NUTS! All right, boys and girls, do you see that Bricklin?

  [All the detectives reply, "Yes, sir"!] 

  Captain Gibbs : Well, if our man hadn't have gotten it yesterday, bigger than hell it would have been back on the streets, in one week!

  Officer DuPree : Captain?

  Captain Gibbs : [annoyed]  What?

  Officer DuPree : Yesterday was my first day. I just transferred in from vice.

  Detective Hawkins : Yes, she just transferred in from Vice, Captain.

  Captain Gibbs : What is your name?

  Officer DuPree : Officer DuPree, sir.

  Captain Gibbs : Ms. DuPree, would you please step forward? It is Ms., isn't it?

  Officer DuPree : Yes, sir, captain.

  Captain Gibbs : I'm sure it is. All right, Ms. DuPree, here's how it works. It's called a switchover. Now, let's say that you find a wrecked car that's for sale. You go out and you buy it legally for scrap, but the real reason you buy it is to buy its identification. You tow the wreck to your shop and you go out and steal its twin: same car, same color, same model. Once you got the two cars, the change takes place. You take the vehicle identification tag from the dash to the wreck and you put it on the hot car. You do the same thing with the door jam plate. You exchange the ignition and trunk locks. You cut out the door locks from the old car and put them in the new one. You even make sure you switched the rear view mirror if the old one had a decal on it and when everything with the number on it has been switched, you exchange the engine and the drive train. You buy yourself a new set of Goodyear tires and you got yourself a brand new car, complete with identical odometer mileage and matching paperwork.

  Officer DuPree : It sounds so easy, captain.

  Captain Gibbs : Yes, Officer DuPree, it is easy. That's the problem. There are over two-million cars in L.A. and nobody can keep track of them all. The pros can make the switchover in one night and the next day, they sell the stolen car as a rebuild and the original wreck is shredded into little pieces about the size of Reed's brain.

  Detective Hawkins : Is it that small, captain?

  Captain Gibbs : Shut up, Hawkins. All right, I'm gonna give you people one more chance to being this clown in, but understand this. If you bang up ONE more car in the process, I'm gonna personally make sure that you get a premature retirement from the human race!

• Captain Gibbs : [after the police and his detectives arrest the wrong man]  That's not him. Good job, men. Real good. Wonderful.

• Captain Gibbs : Now, darling, you know I love you and I only want the best things for you.

  Judi Gibbs : I know that, daddy.

  Captain Gibbs : Well, could you imagine how I felt this morning when I saw this?

  [he takes out a Playboy magazine where Judi posed nude for it] 

  Judi Gibbs : Carl!

  Carl : Now, I can explain, sir. That, um, that picture is something that uh...

  Captain Gibbs : Shut up, Carl.