- [Donald and Jack in a shoot-out to the death]
- Donald: Jaaaack?
- Jack: Yeah?
- Donald: Time out, OK?
- Jack: What?
- Donald: Time out. You won't believe this, but I brought the wrong bullets.
- Jack: Is that right?
- Donald: Yeah. This morning I was in a hurry to get out of the cabin, and, well, I brought the wrong ammo. Silly me.
- Donald: You shot my gun god damn it! You're not supposed to shoot a person's gun! Oh, now that pisses me off! You know how much one of these cost?
- Sonny Paluso: You think Wes is God, don't you.
- Donald Quinelle: No, not God, Just an ordinary man. Maybe a little ahead of his time, but just an ordinary man.
- Sonny Paluso: Wes is an asshole.
- Donald Quinelle: Blasphemy! Oh, you'll smoke a turd in hell for that!
- Jack's Wife: [Confessing to his wife that he's a hitman]
- Jack's Wife: So you see, I'm not out there committing adultery. I'm out there committing murder.
- Jack's Wife: Oh, thank God!
- Donald: [dressed in a face-obscuring, hooded, fur-lined parka] I feel like a gynecologist for a grizzly bear.
- Donald: Well, I was nervous.
- Jack: What about me?
- Donald: Oh, come off it, man. You're so cool, you piss ice cubes.
- Jack: It's a hereditary thing in my family, y'know. Uhh, nerves, colitis, y'know.
- Donald: Colitis? Y'know, that must be horrible being a professional killer with colitis.
- Jack: Yeah, that's what...
- Donald: They hear you coming, don't they?
- Donald Quinelle: Wes says to shoot the radios because without music they lose half their will to fight.
- Jack: I was raised a strict Southern Baptist. I place a high value on human life... $20,000 minimum.
- Candice Paluso: Listen, this is gonna sound like a really stupid question, but, uh, aren't you guys gonna get really bored out here if society doesn't collapse?
- Donald Quinelle: I wouldn't worry about that. Wes says society is heading for the big "flush". And we're going to be the ones who are clinging to the rim while everything else goes down.
- Candice Paluso: Eeew!
- Sonny Paluso: What're you going to do if things get better?
- Donald Quinelle: Is the air getting better?
- Candice Paluso: That's true.
- Donald Quinelle: The economy? The Middle East? Arts, literature, television, US Presidents improving?
- Sonny Paluso: Anyone can nitpick.
- Donald Quinelle: Sonny, name one thing that's gotten better in the last ten years.
- Sonny Paluso: [Sonny is stumped]
- Donald Quinelle: See?
- Candice Paluso: Video games.
- Sonny Paluso: Video games! There you are.
- Donald Quinelle: Alright, I acknowledge that.
- [first lines]
- Betty: Mr. Quinelle!
- Donald Quinelle: Morning, Betty!
- Betty: Mr. Stoddard would like you to step into the board room.
- Donald Quinelle: He wants to see me?
- Betty: You can go right in.
- [last lines]
- Donald Quinelle: Tell me things are gonna work out, Sonny.
- Sonny Paluso: Everything's gonna work out.
- Donald Quinelle: Yeah, yeah. Boy, it's been a strange winter, hasn't it?
- Sonny Paluso: Not really.
- Donald Quinelle: No.
- Doreen: I never thought I'd be contemplating marriage to a man who owned an automatic assault rifle.
- Donald: It's not automatic, hon. It's semiautomatic. Automatic weapons are illegal. And why are you using the word "contemplating?"
- Doreen: I just mean, Donald, you seem so different.
- Donald: Hey, Frizzer, I'm no different, I'm just armed.
- Jack: S - - man, you ain't got no money. What did they pay you in, food stamps? You oughta be robbing me.
- Donald Quinelle: This will be like skiing, except for the booby traps.
- Doreen: I don't believe in surviving. I believe in living.
- Donald Quinelle: You drive fast, oyster brain. Because the sooner you get here, the sooner there'll be one less wart on the ass of society.