Three Amigos! (1986)
Martin Short: Ned Nederlander
Photos
Quotes
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Lucky Day : Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.
Ned Nederlander , Dusty Bottoms : Damn it!
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Lucky Day : Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!
Ned Nederlander : [runs over to check] He's dead, all right.
Dusty Bottoms : How was I supposed to know where he was?
Lucky Day : You were supposed to fire up. *We* both fired *up*.
[aside]
Lucky Day : It's like living with a six-year old.
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Lucky Day : Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo."
Dusty Bottoms : What does that mean, in-famous?
Ned Nederlander : Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous.
Lucky Day : 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!
Dusty Bottoms : Wow, in-famous? In-famous?
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Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander : [singing] My little Buttercup has the sweetest smile/ Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a while?/ We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two/ Oh, Dear little Buttercup, I love you!
Lucky Day : [motioning for people to join in singing] C'mon, everybody!
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander : My little Buttercup has the sweetest...
[points to man]
Patron : Es-smile!
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander : Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a...
[points to a scared patron at another table who exclaims]
Patron #2 : While! While!
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander : We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two, ohh...
[Lucky and Ned point to group at table]
Crowd at Bar : Dear!
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander : Little Buttercup!
[Lucky and Ned point to another group]
Crowd at Bar : Sweet!
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander : Little Buttercup!
[Lucky points to bartender]
Bartender : My little Buttercup!
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander : I love you!
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Bartender : We don't have beer. Just tequila.
Ned Nederlander : What's tequila?
Bartender : Uh, it's like beer.
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Lucky Day : Wherever there is injustice, you will find us.
Ned Nederlander : Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there.
Dusty Bottoms : Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander , Dusty Bottoms : The Three Amigos!
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Ned Nederlander : Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!
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Lucky Day : [Lucky returning to group, now realizing that el Guapo and his gang, are real outlaws] It's real.
Dusty Bottoms : What?
Lucky Day : This is real.
Ned Nederlander : You mean...
Lucky Day : Yes, they are going... to kill us.
[Amigos begin sobbing pathetically]
Ned Nederlander : [Sobbing] What am I doing in Mexico.
Lucky Day : [Sobbing] I've been shot already.
Ned Nederlander : [Sobbing] I know.
Dusty Bottoms : [Sobbing] What are we gonna do?
Ned Nederlander : [Sobbing] We're not gonna get PAID, that's for sure.
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[Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day thinks Ned Nederlander is saying "mail" plane]
Dusty Bottoms : What is it doing here?
Ned Nederlander : I think it's a male plane.
Dusty Bottoms : How can you tell?
Ned Nederlander : Didn't you notice its little balls?
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Ned Nederlander : Chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip... LONNEEEEEEEE!
[fires pistol]
Lucky Day : Farley-farley-farley-farley-farley-farley... Hafurrrrrrr...
[fires pistol]
Dusty Bottoms : Kinut, hoooooola widdle! Tas, habble... sohn.
[accidentally shoots the Invisible Swordsman]
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Ned Nederlander : One time, Dorothy Gish was visiting me on the set of "Little Neddy, Grab Your Gun". And she came up to me and she looked me in the face and--I'd never met her, I'd just known her on films, you know, Dorothy Gish, Lillian's sister--and she looked me in the eyes and she said, "Young man, you have got it." And. Ah! Dorothy Gish. It's a true story.
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Ned Nederlander : This is not a town of weaklings! You can use your strengths against El Guapo. Now, what is it that this town really does well?
Townspeople : Hmmm. Hmmm? Ummm.
[long pause]
Mama Sanchez : We can sew!
Dusty Bottoms : There you go, you can sew.
Ned Nederlander : Ah.
Dusty Bottoms : If only we had known this sooner.
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Dusty Bottoms : Hey, Lucky, what are you gonna do with your share of the money?
Lucky Day : [thinks] A car. A big, shiny silver car. I'll drive all over Hollywood. Show Flugleman a thing or two. What about you?
Dusty Bottoms : New York. Maybe Paris. Champagne. Parties. I'll be a big shot for a while.
Lucky Day : Yeah.
Dusty Bottoms : How about you, Ned?
Ned Nederlander : I'm gonna start a foundation to help homeless children.
Dusty Bottoms : [he and Lucky realize how selfless that is compared to their ideas] That occurred to me to do that at one point, too.
Lucky Day : Well, I meant that I would do that first, and then I would get a big shiny car.
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Ned Nederlander : Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo : Eh?
Ned Nederlander : Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo : You *will* die like dogs.
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Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander , Dusty Bottoms : [the Three Amigos step out into the street while Carmen gets the horses]
Bandito #3 : If I don't get some tequila, somebody's gonna die!
[Shoots the clay pots off the railing at one of the nearby houses]
Lucky Day : I'm Lucky Day!
Ned Nederlander : I'm Ned Nederlander!
Dusty Bottoms : And I'm Dusty Bottoms! And together we are...
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander , Dusty Bottoms : The Three Amigos!
[each does the Amigo salute]
Lucky Day : [sees Carmen has brought the horses] Let's ride!
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander , Dusty Bottoms : [the Three Amigos mount their horses, and ride to stand, horse to horse, with the banditos]
Lucky Day : Well, you slime-eating dogs! You scum-sucking pigs! You sons of a motherless goat!
Bandito #2 : Son of a motherless goat? And who are you?
Ned Nederlander : Wherever there is injustice, you will find us. Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there!
[pauses]
Ned Nederlander : Line!
Dusty Bottoms : [under breath] Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...
Ned Nederlander : Wherever liberty is threatened! You will find...
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander , Dusty Bottoms : The Three Amigos!
[begin riding their horses all over the town square, shooting their pistols in the air]
Lucky Day : Arriba! Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Dusty Bottoms : [juggles his gun back and forth from each hand, grins]
Ned Nederlander : Arriba!
Bandito #3 : Who are these monkeys?
Bandito #2 : I don't know!
Bandito #3 : Should we kill them?
Bandito #2 : No! Let's go tell El Guapo what we have seen here!
Bandito #3 , Bandito #2 : [turn their horses around, and ride off towards their encampment]
Lucky Day : Ah Ha Ha! And don't come back!
Townspeople : Viva Los Amigos! Viva Los Amigos!
Pablo : Viva Los Amigos!
[the townspeople begin to cheer and chant the Amigos]
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Dusty Bottoms : No, we will not die like dogs! We will fight like lions! Because we are...
Dusty Bottoms , Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander : The Three Amigos!
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Ned Nederlander : [Before Ned's duel] Does anybody have a watch? Preferably one with a second hand?
Jefe : I got a stopwatch.
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Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander , Dusty Bottoms : [the Three Amigos have just finished their meal of "desert bat" around the campfire]
Ned Nederlander : Well, good night!
[lies back]
Dusty Bottoms : Look at the little guy. He's tuckered out already.
Ned Nederlander : [Ned hears a howl in the distance and sits up, startled] Wha? Wha, what was that!
Lucky Day : Just a coyote.
Ned Nederlander : Oh.
[Ned nervously sits back]
Ned Nederlander : Just, I've never slept outside before...
Lucky Day : [calmly] Take it easy, take it easy. Dusty...
[he motions for Dusty to pick up his guitar and play a song to settle Ned's nerves]
Dusty Bottoms : [begins to pick an appropriate song on his guitar, and sing] Arizona moon, keep shining. From the desert sky above. You know pretty soon, that big yellow moon, will light the way back, to the one you love...
Lucky Day : [singing] Blue, Shadows, on the traiiiiiilllll. Little cowboy, close your eyeeesssss and dreeeaaaaammmm.
[Dusty joins in]
Lucky Day : All of the doggies are in the coral. All of your work is done. Just close your eyes, and dream, little pal, dream of, someone...
Ned Nederlander : [the Amigo's horses are now singing] Bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom! Bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, Bom bom bom bom!
[Ned, much calmer, now sings]
Ned Nederlander : Bluuuuuuueeee, Shadowwssss, on the traaaaaiiiiiillllll. Soft wind blowin', through the treeeeeeesssss, abooooovvvvveeee.
[gets baritone on these notes]
Lucky Day : [looks to Dusty, impressed]
Ned Nederlander : All of the other little cowboys, down in the bunkhouse now, so...
Lucky Day , Ned Nederlander , Dusty Bottoms : [All together] Close, your, eyes and...
Ned Nederlander : drrreeeeeeaaaaaammmmmmmm.
Dusty Bottoms : [Dusty wraps up the melody, picking the last notes on the guitar]
Ned Nederlander : Good night, Lucky. Good night, Dusty.
Lucky Day : Good night, Ned.
Dusty Bottoms : Good night, Ned.
Ned's Horse : Good Night, Ned!
Dusty Bottoms : Good night, Lucky.
Lucky Day : Good night, Dusty.
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Ned Nederlander : Chip, chip, chip, chip, chip,
[shouts]
Ned Nederlander : Nanny!
Lucky Day : Faaaaarley, Farley, Farley, Faaaaaaarley!
Dusty Bottoms : Hfurhrmrgurny
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Ned Nederlander : What are we even doing in Mexico?
Ned Nederlander : We're not getting paid that's for sure!
