Death Row Diner (1988)

2/10

capkronos6 February 2001

There's no reason to sit through this entry in the late 80s death row/ electric chair horror movies (like SHOCKER, DESTROYER, THE CHAIR)... It's the cheapest of the bunch, with obvious improvised dialogue and scenes that go on and on and on for no apparent reason.

Jay Richardson and Michelle Bauer star as husband and wife B-movie filmmakers who, along with crew, are stalked and killed off by the ghost of Otis Wilcox (John Content); Bauer's uncle, who is POed that his once prosperous movie studio has been turned into a B-grade sleaze factory. There's no nudity, terrible gore FX (like eyeballs popping out after a thud to the back of the head with a ping pong paddle) and the cheapest production values this side of your high school graduation video. Total trash, but it gives hope to amateur filmmakers out there. If this thing can get a video release, then ANYTHING can.

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2/10

An utterly atrocious '80s comedy horror.

BA_Harrison19 July 2014

The universe demands balance. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every positive there is a negative. Good and evil, courage and fear, happiness and sadness, dark and light: one cannot exist without the other. Likewise, for every really cool '80s horror movie, there's an equally dire turd from the same decade and genre just waiting to be rediscovered.

Death Row Diner is one such stinker, a foetid, almost unwatchable Z-grade crap-fest that attempts to inject some humour into its cheezy proceedings but which proves to be about as funny as an outbreak of Ebola. Set in an abandoned prison, it sees the vengeful spirit of film studio boss Otis Wilcox (John Content), who was wrongfully executed for the murder of his wife, returning from the dead to cause havoc for the cast and crew of a low-budget horror flick being produced by Otis's grand-daughter Julia (scream queen Michelle Bauer).

With a pitiful script that fails to deliver either scares or laughs, an amateurish cast who seem to be improvising most of their dialogue, lousy direction from B. Dennis Wood (who now calls himself D3 and works exclusively in the porn industry), and woeful gore effects, Death Row Diner is truly terrible from start to finish. The film doesn't even manage to deliver that most basic of B-movie horror ingredients, gratuitous female nudity: despite being more than qualified, busty blonde make-up woman Phoebe (Dana Lis Mason) fails to go topless, while star Bauer, who can usually be relied upon to flash some flesh, keeps (most) of her clothes on.

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2/10

Give the man a break... He was hungry

Coventry13 January 2022

Sigh! I wish I put aside one dollar for each time I promised myself never to watch another lousy SOV-horror movie from the 80s, and then broke that promise. I must have saved up... 12 to 15 dollars by now!

"Death Row Diner" starts in a prison in 1948, in black and white, with the execution of an obese guy. He - Otis - is about to fry in the electric chair for a murder he supposedly didn't commit, and yet all he's upset about is that he hasn't received his last meal yet. Believe it or not, this is actually the funniest scene in this horror "comedy". Fifty years later, the prison turned into a film-set, and during the making of a cheap B-movie, Otis gets - surprise, surprise - resurrected. Even though he is still mainly interested in the catering facilities, Otis at least tries to get some bloody vengeance for his unjust death.

Life is simply too short to watch insufferably awful movies like "Death Row Diner", especially when you learn the director calls himself D3 and elsewhere only worked as a video technician for raunchy adult movies. Although short (70 minutes), ask yourself the question if you want to waste time on a lousy SOV without nudity or creativity, but with an imbecilic plot, dreadful amateur performances, DIY gore-effects that look embarrassing, a totally unnecessary voiceover, and infantile humor? No, didn't think so.

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10/10

Excellent if accepted for what it is.

Fearnloathingrocks23 January 2004

Death Row Diner is not meant to be taken seriously. It's a movie meant to be enjoyed for it's schlokeyness, like Plan 9 or Reefer Madness. If you take it at that, you're bound to get an hour's worth of entertainment. Now if only I could find a copy of it.

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6/10

Enjoyable, only if not taken too seriously

bfan834 March 2009

Warning: Spoilers

DEATH ROW DINER is a fun, little SOV (shot-on-video) romp starring the wonderful Michelle Bauer (Sorority Babes, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Nightmare Sisters, many more...)

Otis Wilcox, once a powerful man in Hollywood whose studio churned out big budget Hollywood hits in the 30s and 40s, is framed for murdering his wife, and he is electrocuted... a hungry man... 40 years later, his former studio is now being run by two ruthless men, one of whom is married to his grand-daughter, Julia Wilcox-Weston (Michelle Bauer). While shooting a movie in the now abandoned prison where Otis is electrocuted, a freak electrical storm brings Otis back to life, now hideously disfigured, is hungrier than ever and ready to wreak havoc on the filmmakers and crew who have dragged his once grand studio into the depths of B-movie debauchery.

DEATH ROW DINER, in my opinion, is probably one of the best SOV horror-comedies to come out of the 80s. The reason for that is that it doesn't take itself seriously. The acting, of course, is sub-par at best. Excluding the wonderful Michelle Bauer and Jay Richardson, who plays her crude husband. The gore is absolutely laughable (i.e. the ping-pong paddle scene instantly comes to mind). The production values are on par with that of an early 80s adult film.

All of these things is what makes DEATH ROW DINER just an absolute blast to watch! It doesn't take itself seriously (unlike PHANTOM BROTHER) and it's intentionally meant to spoof the B-movie industry.

I urge anyone who loves crappy horror-comedies, or SOV completionists, or any fans of Michelle Bauer to track this bad boy down. It's quite rare, these days, but it usually pops up on ebay every once in awhile for cheap. You MUST own it! Now!

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10/10

what a piece of work

missangel28 March 2005

i couldn't believe this movie! the realism was above and beyond any movie of this genre that i have ever, in my long, long life, ever seen. it's even in color...which adds so much vividness to the gore. i like that. i play ping pong and i enjoyed that scene especially. i only used the paddle on young women. now i see it has other uses. the outtakes at the end should have been the movie itself. they were funny especially the bloody parts. i don't know why directors think they have to spare the viewer the reality of life. i really don't. i can't understand why this didn't get an award at Cannes! i mean this genre is so underrated. and there's not enough straight-to-video-trash on the shelves.

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6/10

Deathrow Diner

procosbest10 January 2007

Here goes my review of this low budget horror movie. First off, I agree with the above statement that it was cheaply made, sometimes the dialog goes a little long, and that it gives hope to any filmmaker but, that's what makes it great.... The cheesy special fx and peeing Elvis alone make it worth watching.... Come on, you can't get any better than that. I feel that anyone that's a fan of cheesy, 80's horror movies, should watch and enjoy. I promise that you will get a laugh out of this movie and will watch again and again. If not, then I am sure that the $5.00 that you spent to own this movie shouldn't break you.

P.S. Please drink a lot of beer and watch with friends.

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Another lame made for video with Michelle Bauer!

bassett9 January 2000

When I first watched this movie I had to crank up the volume on my T.V. set to actually hear what was said. I also thought that this would be a comedy/horror, but towards the end, it turned out to be just a plain stupid dark comedy!There's inside jokes on her movie "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers", which also featured Jay Richardson, who's also in this dumb movie and was distributed by the same company and director. C'mon Michelle do an interesting movie for once, with a better made budget!

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