Law & Order (1990– )
Jerry Orbach: Detective Lennie Briscoe, Defense Attorney Frank Lehrman
Photos
Quotes
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : Love - a dangerous disease instantly cured by marriage.
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : I specifically asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently here at Riker's that mean that they watch you commit suicide.
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : Even though you are a taxpayer, you know, we don't actually work for you personally.
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : Boy, I'd hate for somebody to trace me by what I read.
Det. Rey Curtis : You read, Lennie?
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[a victim has died, apparently during S&M sex]
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : No defensive wounds.
Det. Lennie Briscoe : That's odd.
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : Yeah, the fun part for these guys is the struggle AFTER they've been tied up.
[pause]
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : Or so I've heard.
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[handcuffing a suspect]
Det. Lennie Briscoe : You've heard of the Seven Rings of Saturn? These are the Two Rings of Riker's.
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Lt. Anita Van Buren : I'd like it if you two became real partners.
Detective Lennie Briscoe : And I'd like it if my ex-wives got partners. No more alimony.
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : I'm trying to decide what to arrest you for - obstruction of justice, harboring a fugitive or just being a general pain in the ass!
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : I told you, you should have gone to bed with her. You're getting the grief without getting the gravy.
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[looking at a hospital sign that says "Pediatric Oncology"]
Det. Lennie Briscoe : Now there's two words that should never go together.
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : You know, if I didn't already know you don't have kids, I'd know you don't have kids.
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Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : I got another body coming in. Guy took a javelin to the chest.
Det. Lennie Briscoe : Why are you still in this line of work?
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : Free javelins.
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : [in disgust to Det. Ed Green] Ed, I sold my plantation over a century ago.
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[Rifling through 30-year old evidence]
Det. Lennie Briscoe : I got one word for you, Rey - plastics.
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Lt. Anita Van Buren : Do you believe him?
Det. Lennie Briscoe : I believe on a good day he couldn't hit his ass with both hands.
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[the driver of a Jaguar has been shot; a carjacking is suspected]
Det. Ed Green : Just give up the car! Man, when are people gonna realize it isn't worth your life?
Det. Lennie Briscoe : Spoken like somebody who's never owned a Jag.
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : Just like the Bates Hotel. They check in but they never check out.
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Detective Lennie Briscoe : We had a deal, you son of a bitch!
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : I want to go to law school so I can learn how to turn gold into lead.
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : I don't like to be second guessed!
[referring to Ed Green]
Det. Lennie Briscoe : I've been walking on eggshells the whole time he's been here!
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Lt. Anita Van Buren : If he's not Fallon, who the hell is he?
Det. Lennie Briscoe : Well the FBI says he's not in the witness protection program but they mighta had their fingers crossed.
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : We got a hit on the fake fur.
Det. Rey Curtis : Yeah, you'll never guess what they make them out of.
Lt. Anita Van Buren : Recycled soda bottles. What else did you find out?
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : "Oh hello Mrs. Russell, you daughter was raped and shot in the head". You want me to do it?
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Det. Lennie Briscoe : [reading off a video case containing a snuff film] "The girls next door, the girls you've always dreamed about. Behind closed doors for the first time."
Det. Mike Logan : For the LAST time.
