- [after negotiating three thousand dollars]
- Vivian: I would have stayed for two thousand.
- Edward Lewis: I would have paid four.
- Edward Lewis: You can't charge me for directions.
- Vivian: I can do anything I want to, baby. I ain't lost.
- Vivian: People put you down enough, you start to believe it.
- Edward Lewis: I think you are a very bright, very special woman.
- Vivian: The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?
- Marie: May I help you?
- Vivian: No, thank you.
- [greeting the next saleswoman:]
- Vivian: Hi.
- Snobby Saleswoman: Hello.
- Vivian: Do you remember me?
- Snobby Saleswoman: No, I'm sorry.
- Vivian: I was in here yesterday. You wouldn't wait on me.
- Snobby Saleswoman: Oh.
- Vivian: You work on commission, right?
- Snobby Saleswoman: Ah, yes.
- Vivian: Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now.
- [salesladies all have crestfallen expressions]
- Old Lady at Opera: Did you enjoy the opera, dear?
- Vivian: Oh, it was so good, I almost peed my pants!
- Old Lady at Opera: What?
- Edward Lewis: She said she liked it better than Pirates of Penzance.
- Edward Lewis: I think we both know that she's not my niece.
- Barney: Of course.
- Edward Lewis: The reason I know that is that I'm an only child.
- Edward Lewis: [he's said that he has arranged for her to have an apartment, to have a car, and money.] I have to go now. I want you to understand, I heard everything you said. This is all I'm capable of right now. It's a very big step for me.
- Vivian: [sardonic] I know. It's a really good offer for a girl like me.
- Edward Lewis: I've never treated you like a prostitute.
- [he walks away]
- Vivian: [softly, he doesn't hear] You just did.
- Edward Lewis: So what happened after he climbed up the tower and rescueed her?
- Vivian: She rescues him right back.
- Vivian: [sitting with Edward leaning against her in the bathtub] Did I mention my leg is forty-four inches from hip to toe; so, basically, we are talking about eighty-eight inches of therapy wrapped around you for the bargain price of three thousand dollars.
- [At the beginning of the evening]
- Vivian: If I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.
- Vivian: I just wanna know who it works out for. You give me one example of someone that we know.
- Kit: Name someone? You want me to name someone? You want to, like, give you a name or something?
- Vivian: Yeah, I'd like a name.
- Kit: Oh, God, the pressure of a name...
- Kit: [thinks then suddenly lightens up] Cindafuckin'rella.
- [last lines]
- Happy Man: Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' - this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin'.
- [after meeting Vivian]
- Elizabeth Stuckey: She's sweet, Edward. Where ever did you find her?
- Edward Lewis: 976-BABE.
- Vivian: [when the elevator door opens, she says this real loud in front of other guests, and Edward] Well, color me happy! There's a sofa in here for two!
- Edward Lewis: People's reactions to opera the first time they see it is very dramatic; they either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don't, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul.
- Vivian: That would make you... a lawyer.
- Edward Lewis: A lawyer?
- Vivian: Mm-hm.
- Edward Lewis: Makes you think I'm a lawyer?
- Vivian: You got that, uh, sharp, useless look about you.
- Vivian: Baby, I'm gonna treat you so nice, you're never gonna wanna let me go.
- Edward Lewis: Three thousand for six days, and, Vivian, I will let you go.
- [he goes out and closes the door]
- Vivian: [smiles and says very quietly:] But I'm here now.
- [then gleefully jumps onto the bed]
- Vivian: Let's watch old movies all night. We'll just veg out in front of the TV.
- Edward Lewis: Veg out?
- Vivian: Yeah. Be still like vegetables. Lay like broccoli.
- Edward Lewis: Look, I'll tell ya what. I'll be back. We'll do broccoli tomorrow.
- Barney: [on the phone] It's Barnard Thompson here, Miss Vivian. Could you come down to the front desk? There's someone here who wants to speak to you. She says her name is Miss De Luca.
- Kit: [to Barney] Lemme talk to her. Lemme-lemme just talk to her.
- Kit: [Barney hands her the phone] Yo, Viv, babe. Would you come down here? The sphincter police won't let me through.
- Edward Lewis: You all right?
- Vivian: I'm fine.
- Edward Lewis: "Fine." Well, that's good. Seven "fine"s since we left the match. Can I have another word, please?
- Vivian: ASSHOLE! THERE'S a "word!"
- Edward Lewis: I think I liked "fine" better.
- Olsen Sister: [Olsen Sister #2, Gretchen] Edward's our most eligible bachelor, everybody is trying to land him.
- Vivian: Well, I'm not trying to land him. I'm just using him for sex.
- Edward Lewis: It's just that, uh, very few people surprise me.
- Vivian: Yeah, well, you're lucky. Most of 'em shock the hell outta me.
- Vivian: Listen, I... I appreciate this whole seduction scene you've got going, but lemme give you a tip: I'm a sure thing, okay? So, I'm on an hourly rate. Can we just move it along?
- Mr. Hollister: Exactly how obscene an amount of money were you talking about? Just profane or really offensive?
- Edward Lewis: Really offensive.
- Mr. Hollister: I like him so much.
- Vivian: [sitting at a table, naked, and only wearing a tie] How was your day, dear?
- Edward Lewis: Nice tie.
- Vivian: I got it for you.
- Vivian: When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often, and I would... I would pretend I was a princess trapped in a tower by a wicked queen, and then suddenly this knight... on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword, and I would wave, and he would climb up the tower and rescue me - but never in all the time... that I had this dream did the knight say to me, "Come on, baby, I'll put you up in a great condo."
- Vivian: What would it be like?
- Edward Lewis: Well, for one thing it would get you off of the streets.
- Vivian: That's just geography.
- Vivian: [referring to Philip Stuckey] Real genuine guy. Who is he?
- Edward Lewis: He's my lawyer. He's all right.
- Vivian: You could freeze ice on his wife's ass.
- Edward Lewis: We'll try that later.
- Vivian: [after Edward catches her singing along to Prince] Don't you just love Prince?
- Edward Lewis: More than life itself.
- Edward Lewis: Oh, by the way, Phil! About your car.
- Philip Stuckey: Oh, God. What?
- Edward Lewis: It corners like it's on rails.
- Vivian: What's your name?
- Edward Lewis: Edward.
- Vivian: Edward? That's my favorite name in the whole world.
- Edward Lewis: Six nights at $300 is $1,800.
- Vivian: You want days too.
- Edward Lewis: $2,000.
- Vivian: $3,000.
- Edward Lewis: Done.
- Vivian: Holy shit!