Late Night with Conan O'Brien (1993–2009)

Harland Williams: Self - Guest, Self, Self - Comedy Guest

Quotes 

• Harland Williams : [on living in L.A]  You get critters in your house, like a lot of spiders and ants and creatures. You know, you go to sleep and... The other night I could feel things crawling around in my bed and I flicked on the light and there's Barry Manilow and David Hasselhoff!

• Harland Williams : [changing Conan's opinion on what is the dumbest thing ever]  Wait a minute! Have you ever woken your grandmother up at three in the morning and smashed her in the face with a canoe?

• Conan O'Brien : What made you go down to Chinatown?

  Harland Williams : I just love it. I love "culture", man. Daddy digs a little sweet 'n' sour culture.

• Harland Williams : I gotta ask you, do you ever get your arthritic grandparents and take 'em out on the lawn and drag 'em around to rake the leaves?

• Harland Williams : How dare you rape me with your lunges!

• Harland Williams : [on the background curtains]  I love the little stars here. Every night when I watch your show I look at all the speckles in the sky. And if you squint just right, just right, it almost looks like those little, cute little dots on Morgan Freeman's face.

• Harland Williams : [after hearing there is no pineapple shrub]  Maybe that's why that old lady said "Stop spraying whipped cream on my bushes, you bastard!"