Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

Dave Chappelle: Ahchoo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Robin Hood : As my first order of business, I would like to appoint a new Sheriff... my friend Ahchoo.

  Crowd : A black sheriff?

  Blinkin : He's black?

  Ahchoo : And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.

• Maid Marian : I've come to warn you, Prince John and Rottingham have hired men to kill you at the fair tomorrow. You musn't go.

  Robin Hood : Well, that's easy. I won't.

  Maid Marian : Oh, I'm so happy! They were going to try to lure you there by having an archery contest.

  Robin Hood : An archery contest?

  Maid Marian : Their archer is unbeatable.

  Robin Hood : Really?

  Maid Marian : Robin, promise you won't go.

  Robin Hood : All right, I promise you won't go.

  Maid Marian : Thank you.

  [stops for a second, confused] 

  Ahchoo : But wait a minute, Robin, didn't you just...

  Robin Hood : Cool it...

  Ahchoo : Chilled.

• Ahchoo : Hey Blinkin.

  Blinkin : Did you say 'Abe Lincoln'?

  Ahchoo : No, I didn't say 'Abe Lincoln', I said 'Hey Blinkin.' Hold the reins, man.

• [Robin tries to jump on his horse and falls] 

  Ahchoo : Man, white men can't jump.

• Ahchoo : [after Blinkin catches an arrow]  Blinkin! How did you do that?

  Blinkin : I heard that coming a mile away.

  Robin Hood : Right-o, Blinkin, very good.

  Blinkin : Pardon? Who's talking?

• Ahchoo : [standing by a creek as Robin is about to fight Little John to cross the bridge]  Look, Robin, you don't have to do this. I mean, this ain't exactly the Mississippi. I'm on one side, I'm on the other side. I'm on the east bank, I'm on the west bank. It's not that critical.

  Robin Hood : Not the point. It's the principle of the thing.

  Ahchoo : Nice knowing you.

• [Robin and Ahchoo are fighting royal soldiers] 

  Ahchoo : Time out! Sorry bad guys, but I am running out of air. Gotta get pumped.

  [Ahchoo pumps his sneakers] 

  Ahchoo : OK honkies. Time in!

• King Richard : [taking Prince John's crown]  You are no longer worthy to wear this sacred symbol of authority.

  Prince John : Oh, please have mercy on me, brother. It wasn't my fault. I got some really bad advice from Rottingham.

  Blinkin , Ahchoo , Scarlet , Little John , Crowd : [coughs]  Bullshit! Bullshit!

  King Richard : Brother, you have surrounded your given name with a foul stench!

  [to the crowd] 

  King Richard : From this day forth, all the toilets in the kingdom shall be known as... Johns!

  [the crowd cheering] 

  Prince John : [yelling]  NO!

  King Richard : Take him away!

  [the Merry Men began to grabbing Prince John] 

  Prince John : No, wait, wait!

  King Richard : Put him in the Tower of London! Make him part of the tour.

• [Ahchoo has released Robin from a noose] 

  Robin Hood : Nice shooting, Ahchoo.

  Ahchoo : To tell you the truth, I was aiming for the Hangman.

• Rabbi Tuckman : I am Rabbi Tuckman, purveyor of sacramental wine and moyel extraordinaire.

  Merry Men : 'ello Rabbi!

  Rabbi Tuckman : Hello boys!

  Robin Hood : A moyel. I don't believe I've ever heard of that profession.

  Rabbi Tuckman : A moyel is a very important guy. He makes circumcisions.

  Scarlet : What, pray tell, sir, is a circumcision?

  Rabbi Tuckman : It's the latest craze. The ladies love it!

  Little John : I'll take one!

  Ahchoo : Hey, put me down for two!

  Robin Hood : I'm game. How's it done?

  Rabbi Tuckman : It's a snap.

  [demonstrates with a carrot and a miniature guillotine] 

  Rabbi Tuckman : I take my machine here, I take your little thing, I put it through this hole, and then...

  [releases the blade, cutting the end off the carrot] 

  Rabbi Tuckman : I nip the tip! Who's first?

  [groans from the Merry Men] 

  Little John : I changed me mind!

  Ahchoo : I forgot, I already got one.

  Blinkin : [puts his hand in the air]  Question...

  [Ahchoo pulls his arm down silencing him] 

  Rabbi Tuckman : I gotta start working with a younger crowd.

• Sheriff of Rottingham : I was angry at you before Loxley, but now I'm really pissed off!

  Ahchoo : Pissed off? If I was that close to a horse's wiener I'd be worrying about being pissed on!

• Robin Hood : [fighting the Sheriff of Rottingham's men]  Watch my back!

  Ahchoo : [literally leaning over and watching his back]  Your back just got punched twice.

  Robin Hood : Thank you!

• Ahchoo : What part of Georgia you from? South Central?

• [Sheriff of Rottingham carries a screaming Maid Marian to a tower of his castle] 

  Ahchoo : [to Robin]  The Sheriff! He's got your woman, man! He's gonna deflower her in the tower! Ugh!

• Ahchoo : Let's get out of this ladies clothing and get into our tights!

• Ahchoo : Hey man, tough room... why don't you let me give it a try.

  Ahchoo : [Puts on a pair of glasses] 

  Ahchoo : People of Sherwood look at yourselves! Go ahead, take a look around. Oh people of Sherwood you been had. Hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Run amuck! We didn't land on Sherwood forest, Sherwood forest landed on us!

• [Ahchoo is getting beaten up by a group of soldiers and as Robin who is riding his horse searches for Ahchoo, he suddenly saw Ahchoo getting beaten up by a group of soldiers] 

  Robin Hood : Ahchoo?

  [the soldiers briefly stop beating Ahchoo and face Robin Hood] 

  Soldiers : Bless you!

  [the soldiers continues to beat up Ahchoo] 

  Ahchoo : Man, I hope someone is getting a video of this!

• Ahchoo : [offers to shake hands with Blinkin]  Hey, put her there?

  Blinkin : How do you do do?

  [extends arm that hits Achoo in the gut] 

  Ahchoo : [hoarsely]  I've been better.

• Robin Hood : This is Ahchoo.

  Little John : Bless you!

  Ahchoo : [laughs]  No, that's my name, man. Ahchoo.

• Ahchoo : I should have never worn these shoes. They just don't match my purse.

• Ahchoo : Blinkin - what's the fastest way to reach the villagers?

  Blinkin : Why don't we fox them?

  Ahchoo : Fox them!

• Robin Hood : By the by, do you know praying mantis?

  Ahchoo : You're looking at him.