Terence Stamp: Bernadette
Photos
Quotes
-
Bernadette : [to Shirley] Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart!
-
Bernadette : [to Felicia] That's just what this country needs: a cock in a frock on a rock.
-
Bernadette : No, I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba!
Tick : Doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it?
-
Bernadette : [to Felicia] I've said it before, and I'll say it again: "No more fucking ABBA!"
-
Bernadette : Stop flexing your muscles, you big pile of budgie turd. I'm sure your mates will be much more impressed if you just go back to the pub and fuck a couple of pigs on the bar.
Bob : Bernadette, please.
Frank : *Bernadette?* Well I'll be darned. The whole circus is in town. Well I suppose you wanna fuck too do you? Come on Bernadette, come and fuck me. That's it. Come on. Come and fuck me. Come on. Fuck me.
[Bernadette knees Frank in the groin]
Bernadette : There, now you're fucked!
-
Bernadette : What a nice dog. What's it's name?
Bob : Herpes. If she's good, she'll heal.
-
Bernadette : [to Tick] Don't "Darling", me, Darling. Look at you. You've got a face like a cat's arse.
-
Tick : [Tick and Bernadette are discussing what it would be like to have children] What happens if they turn out like Adam?
Bernadette : You stuff 'em back in and ask for a refund.
-
Bernadette : [to Felicia] It's funny. We all sit around mindlessly slagging off that vile stink-hole of a city. But in its own strange way, it takes care of us. I don't know if that ugly wall of suburbia's been put there to stop them getting in, or us getting out. Come on. Don't let it drag you down. Let it toughen you up. I can only fight because I've learnt to. Being a man one day and a woman the next isn't an easy thing to do.
-
Bernadette : [to Bob] Believe me, Bob, these days gentlemen are an endangered species. Unlike bloody drag queens who just keep breeding like rabbits.
-
Bernadette : Oh. Uh, gather around girls, uh, let me show you a trick. You, um, drink the Gin...
[guzzles the entire contents]
Bernadette : Aaah! Uh, fill the bottle up with water and then put it back in the fridge.
Mitzi : Va-t'en vous. What about the scotch?
Bernadette : Aha! That's where the complimentary tea bags come in handy.
-
Bernadette : [after Felicia tells Bernadette about her ABBA story] What are you telling me? This is an ABBA turd?
-
Felicia : [in sweet voice] Mummy, maybe a trip to the outback will help me get over this little... phase I'm going through. And you never know, I might meet some lovely country girl.
[in tough voice]
Felicia : I hereby christen this budget Barbie camper... Priscilla. Queen of the Desert!
[smashes champagne bottle against bus]
Bernadette : That's gotta be the understatement of the century.
-
Mitzi : [about Trumpet] , You know, I never heard him play.
Bernadette : Play? He didn't *play*, dear. Trumpet didn't have a single musical bone in his body. No, Trumpet had an unusually large foreskin. So large, in fact, that he could wrap the entire thing around a Monte Carlo biscuit.
-
Felicia : Oh, you can't do that with a ping-pong ball!
Bernadette : Do you wanna bet?
-
Bernadette : [to Tick about Felicia] One more push, I'm gonna to smack his face so hard he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his arse to clean his teeth!
-
Bernadette : Tony, Adam. This is Mr. and Mrs. Spencer.
Tick : Hello.
Felicia : Hello.
[the car drives off leaving them stranded]
Felicia : No, wait. Stop! Shit!.
-
Bernadette : [to the Bartender] Hello. Could I please have a Stoli and tonic, a Bloody Mary and a lime daiquiri, please?
Shirley : Well! Look what the cat dragged in! What have we got here, eh? A couple of showgirls, have we? Where did you ladies come in from? Uranus?
Bernadette : [to the Bartender] Could I please have a Stoli...
Shirley : No! Ya can't have! Ya can't have nothing! We've got nothing here for people like you! Nothin'!
-
Mitzi : [as Felicia starts painting over the graffiti on their bus, which is stranded in the middle of nowhere] Purple?
Felicia : It's not *purple*, it's *lavender*. Whaddaya think?
Mitzi : It's nice... in a hideous sort of a way.
Mitzi : [to Bernadette, who has started walking off] Where are *you* going?
Bernadette : If you think I'm going to sit around watching Picasso take on the public transit system, you've got another thing coming. I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours.
-
[after their bus breaks down in the middle of the outback]
Tick : What's happening?
Felicia : Um, I don't know.
Bernadette : Oh, my God! Oh, Felicia. Where the Fuckawei?
-
Felicia : Well, girls, what can I say? Here's to a secret very well kept.
Bernadette : Shame it's not gonna stay that way, isn't it?
-
Bernadette : [to Tick] Oh, that's a novel idea. Let's stuff ourselves to death. Imagine the headlines: "Whales Beach Themselves In The Outback". "Mystery Bum Sticks Dead In Drag".
-
Bernadette : [to Tick] You got us into this, Anthony Belrose. And I suggest you start thinking about how to get us back, or I don't fancy your chances of ever trying being a husband again.
-
Bernadette : [dryly, eying the huge landscape murals in their hotel room] Subtle.
Mitzi : Oh, tack-a-rama! Who the hell does all the *painting* around here?
Bernadette : Someone with no arms or right foot, by the look of things.
-
Felicia : How long have we been on the road?
Bernadette : Four and a half hours.
-
Bernadette : [to Tick] You've got to be fucking joking!
-
Bernadette : How long is the run?
Tick : Four weeks. Equity minimum, two shows a night, accommodation included.
-
Bernadette : [to Felicia] At least the bump on your head is bigger than your prick!
-
Bernadette : [to Tick] Take the shortcut.
-
Bob : [knocks] Can I come in?
Bernadette : Now, there's a gentleman. Of course you can, Bob.
-
Bernadette : [to Felicia] Do tell us your hilarious joke.
-
Bernadette : [to Felicia and Tick] Ladies, start your engines!
