Ian McNeice: Fulton Greenwall
Photos
Quotes
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Fulton Greenwall : My name is Fulton Greenwall, and I am looking for an Ace Ventura.
Ashram Monk : No man here carries with him a label.
Fulton Greenwall : Oh yes, no names. How silly of me. Well, um, he's an American.
Ashram Monk : We are all children of the same life force.
Fulton Greenwall : Yes of course we are.
[thinks]
Fulton Greenwall : He bends over and speaks from his rear.
Ashram Monk : Oh him. Right this way...
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Fulton Greenwall : We can pay you handsomely.
Ace : I am now a child of light. Your earthly money holds no appeal to me.
Fulton Greenwall : Twenty thousand dollars.
Ace : Re-he-he-eally? No. I cannot. For I am sorely needed... here, at the ashram.
Ashram Monk : If I may interject! We're short of space, and it's important for you to use your talents. Let me help you pack.
Ace : But I am yet to attain omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Ashram Monk : No. Wait. THERE it is!
[smiles]
Ashram Monk : You've just attained it.
Ace : I have?
Ashram Monk : Yes! Just now! You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!
Ace : What about my medallion of spiritual accomplishment?
Ashram Monk : Take mine!
Ace : This took you eighty years to achieve!
Ashram Monk : That's okay. I don't like it anymore. Really.
Ace : In the light of this great personal sacrifice you've made, I have no choice... but to take the case.
Ashram Monk : Great! I'll go tell the others!
Ace : Master... break it to them gently.
Ace : [cut to Ace and Greenwall exiting the temple through the celebrating, drinking, and some stripped monks] I've never seen them like that before. Denial can be an ugly thing.
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Fulton Greenwall : Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Ace : Hi there. Nice to see ya. Bumblebee tuna. Bumblebee tuna!
[quickly turns to face one of the natives]
Ace : Ace Ventura, Pet Detective! How are you this afternoon? Alrighty Then!
[turns to another]
Ace : Excuse me, your balls are showing.
[thumbs-up]
Ace : Bumblebee tuna.
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Ace : Just what sort of bat are we talking about?
Fulton Greenwall : The Great White Bat, of course.
Ace : Corpus Kilochiroptera?
Fulton Greenwall : Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
[the Wachati chief and his son bow upon hearing the name]
Ace : Shikaka...
[they bow again]
Ace : Shikaka!
[they bow again]
Ace : Shikasha!
[they begin to bow, but stop]
Ace : Ohhh! Shishkebab.
[they almost bow]
Ace : Shawshank Redemption.
[they almost bow]
Ace : ShicaaaaGO!
[the chief bows]
Ace : You're outta there! Go on, I gotcha, you're out.
[the confused chief exits the hut]
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[last lines]
Ace : [the Tiny Warrior shrieks in Wachutu] What did he just say?
Fulton Greenwall : I *think* he said, she's not a virgin.
Ace : [pause] They can *tell* that?
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Fulton Greenwall : Well done, Ace! You must be very proud!
Ace : Pride is an abomination. One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.
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[Ace is going at top speed towards the parking lot]
Fulton Greenwall : Perhaps we should slow down just a teensy-weensy bit?
Ace : Nonsense, Poopy-Pants!
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Ace : [smiling nervously] Well, everything here seems good! Big load off my mind, aw God. You can speculate all you want, but unless you check it out for yourself, you never know!
[face quickly turns serious]
Ace : We should head back now.
Fulton Greenwall : Don't you think you should investigate?
Ace : There's no reason to go in there. Ever. I sense it as a holy man.
Fulton Greenwall : But I thought you said...
Ace : It's DARK! I could fall into a precipice!
Ouda : [hands him a torch] Here! Take this
Ace : Spank you, Helpy Helperton.
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Fulton Greenwall : Ace, the Wachutus are a blood-thirsty, savage tribe. If they catch you, they will show no mercy!
Ace : Worry not, my brother. For I will be as a fly on the wall - a grain of salt in the ocean. I will move amongst them like a transparent... *thing*.
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Fulton Greenwall : They did not know about disease until the white man came.
[Ace sneezes]
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Ace : Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious. And the pottery is lovely.
Ouda : It's made from guano.
Ace : Guano! Why's that sounding so familiar?
[Ace starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]
Fulton Greenwall : Bat droppings.
[Ace drops the bowl, spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue]
Fulton Greenwall : Guano is their main raw material, they're using it to made a lot of things in the village.
Ace : Yummie!
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Ace : [the tiny warrior comes out of the hut screaming] What's that he's saying?
Fulton Greenwall : Well, I believe he's saying she's not a virgin.
Ace : They can tell that?
[is running away from the Wachati and Wachootoo tribes]
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Ace : [fleeing a cave full of bats] They're in my hair. They're in my HAIR! God in heaven, HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Fulton Greenwall : Ace. There is nothing in your hair.
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Fulton Greenwall : Brilliant, Mr Ventura! Simply brilliant.
Ace : Spank you Greenwall. Spank you very much.
