Tom Everett Scott: Andy McDermott
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Quotes
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Andy McDermott : So... hey you guy's are werewolves too, huh? Super glad to know you.
Claude : Andy, I don't think you have accepted the gift that has been given to you, or much less appreciated it. We have a mission, Andy. To purify the world that why we pick our victim's from the scum of society. The governments of the world spend billions on medicine, welfare, charity to what effect? It only keeps alive, the weak, the stupid, the lazy, who breathe and multiply, weakening the human race. All my men I have chosen for their loyalty their dedication to the coming age. But you... you were not to have been. You're an accident, an anomaly. I do not wish to kill you. I pray you will join is in our rise to become the new mankind. Pure free of disease free from the trappings of technological advance, will you join us... Andy?
Andy McDermott : I don't know. You know that's a big decision. I'm gonna need some time to think about that.
Claude : Sure.
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Andy McDermott : Great. Come to Paris and check out les drains.
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Serafine : I want you to blow a big bubble for me.
Andy McDermott : What?
Serafine : Well... It's a custom in France. The bigger the bubble, the more a boy likes a girl.
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Surgeon : Did you see a girl? She's stolen my heart.
Andy McDermott : I know the feeling.
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Andy McDermott : I didn't choose to become a werewolf. I can't face the fact that I've got to go around killing and eating people for the rest of my life.
Brad : Better get used to it.
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Andy McDermott : I'm losing... my freaking... skull!
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Andy McDermott : [Wakes up naked and surrounded by a crowd the morning after his first rampage as a werewolf] What did I do?
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Claude : [Andy has just met Claude] Andy: Are you her, uh, brother?
Andy McDermott : Claude: Let's just say I... look after her.
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Amy Fitch : [undead] Thank's for the lovely evening, douche bag! You really know how to show a girl a good time don't you!
Andy McDermott : No, no, no you're dead!
Amy Fitch : No, I ain't so lucky. I am undead and as your rotting sidekick I am cursed to remain a restless spirit until you die!
Brad : Not so fast! You want my buddy dead, nutball you're gonna have to wait. I need him first. He's no use to me as a corpse
Amy Fitch : I waited four year's on a stairmaster to get a package like this. You ripped through it like a lamb chop!
Brad : Don't blame me Andy, I warned you.
Amy Fitch : [to Andy] Wait, you mean you knew about this all along?
[she punches Andy, but her non-coporial hand passes through his mouth]
Amy Fitch : Uh!
Andy McDermott : [banging his head against the wall] I'm losing... my... freaking skull!
Brad : Come on you gotta pull yourself together, Andy! You gotta get outta here the cop's wanna put you away for life!
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Andy McDermott : To Paris.
Chris : Beware.
[Andy and Chris make a toast]
Brad : Hey,hey watch it man. All right I have the score for Spain our leader with 125 daredevil points, yours truly and in second place with 95 Chris...
Chris : Wait hold on a second what about the sex points?
Brad : No,those are separate.
Chris : Since when you can't keep changing the rules.
Andy McDermott : Who said anything about sex points,read your shirt it say's Daredevil Tour.
Chris : [Girl passes by] you see that, she smiled at me.
Andy McDermott : In your dream's she's not interested in douche bags like us,european babes are charming and sophisticated especially the French
Brad : Yea hench the hairy pit's.
Andy McDermott : See what I mean.
Chris : I'll give you 30 sex point's if you can so much as get her phone number.
Andy McDermott : She's not my type.
Brad : Ah come on you-you haven't made a move this entire trip Andy.
Andy McDermott : I'm choosy.
Chris : When was the last time you had sex?
Brad : With another person?
Andy McDermott : There's sex and there's love,that's what differentiates human's from animal's.
Brad : Alright fine when where you last in love?
Andy McDermott : [to Chris] When where you ever in love?
Chris : Maps upside-down,slick.
Brad : Give him a break Chris, we can't let him fall to far back.
Andy McDermott : I won't need your charity once we get to Paris, Il show you guy's a stunt you'll never top.
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Andy McDermott : Whats her name again?
Brad : Serafine pie-got
Chris : Serafine...
Andy McDermott : Serafine Pigot, it's a beautiful name.
Chris : [Andy is standing near the entrance] Are you getting cold feet?
Andy McDermott : Just a bit nervous, I don't want to say the wrong thing.
[rings doorbell;noone answers]
Chris : [looks through window; excitingly to Andy] your on prince!
Serafine : [speaking french] whos there?
Andy McDermott : [stammers] Serafine-uh Hi-uh its the guy who uh - ive got your shoe
[serafine answers the door]
Andy McDermott : Hi I'm Andy we met on the tower, this is Chris and Brad and uh listen this uh I thought you would want this because uhh it's not my size.
[gives her shoe]
Serafine : Your very kind now go please, you must not stay here.
Chris : Charming
Brad : And sophisticated. forget about it, lets go Andy.
Andy McDermott : Wait, did you see what I saw?
Brad : What?
Andy McDermott : She had blood on her hand, she's trying it again!
Brad : [to Chris] Just so were on the same page, who's crazier here?
Serafine : Please go, or there will be trouble.
Andy McDermott : Uh-no wait wait, what did you do to your hand? Do you have blood on your hand? Your bleeding.
Serafine : Uh no, uh-uh its just paint, I'm redecorating the cellar.
Andy McDermott : [relieved] oh, I thought uh...
Serafine : Please go, now.
Andy McDermott : Listen, wait, hold it, we can help, we can have that done in no time, right guys?
Serafine : No thanks, thank you.
Andy McDermott : I-please look, I just wanna talk.
Serafine : I don't think it's a good idea.
Andy McDermott : Please just once if you let me in, i-will never bother you again.
Serafine : Ok tomorrow 4:00, in front of the Concert Hall.
Andy McDermott : You mean it?
Serafine : I promise, now go please.
Brad : Excellent
Andy McDermott : I did it.
Chris : You mean you almost blew it, take some advice from the experts-you gots to play it cool, Daddy-O.
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Andy McDermott : [Andy is having coffee with Serafine] So do your parents mind us, uh-- meeting?
Serafine : My parents are dead
[Andy chokes on his coffee and starts coughing]
Serafine : are you ok? Want some water?
Andy McDermott : No I'm fine. I do like coffee.
[wipes himself with a napkin Serafine notices writing on it to which Andy thinking there is something on him looks down and notices nothing]
Serafine : Most guys who ask me on a date are usually trying to get me into bed.
Andy McDermott : Well, that must be very terrible for a girl when that happens.
Serafine : Why should I think you're any different? Isn't that why you brought your friends along? To witness you score?
[Andy drops his coffee cup in shock and surprise]
Andy McDermott : No, that's not it at all.
[Pulls out napkin from his shirt pockets, condoms accidentally come out as well; embarrassingly]
Andy McDermott : Chewing gum. It's, um-- uh-- the rage in the states. Take chewing gum to make it look like condoms, it's like a practical joke
[Serafine trys to chew a condom but Andy suddenly takes it from her and chews it]
Andy McDermott : Nice and chewy.
Serafine : I want you to blow a big bubble for me.
Andy McDermott : [shocked] What?
Serafine : Well, it's-- it's a custom in France the bigger the bubble the more a boy likes a girl.
Andy McDermott : [blows a condom bubble and it suddenly goes flying around and lands in a nearby cup of coffee] Wow what a rip-off. My friends told me it was chewing gum. I thought...
Serafine : I think it's best if I go.
Andy McDermott : Oh no, no, no, please don't go. I'm just so nervous. And the more I like a girl, the more nervous I get. and if you go now and something happens to you that I blame myself for the rest of my life because I'd blow my chance to help.
[she sits back down]
Andy McDermott : the moment I saw you on the tower, I was so moved by your sadness. I swore to myself I would try to help whatever it takes. No one as beautiful and sensitive as you can possibly deserve to be so sad.
[She takes his hat off and feels his head]
Andy McDermott : Oh, god, i hate myself. I'm not the kind of guy you think I am.
Serafine : If i go, it's nothing to do with you. No one can help me. And anyone who tries is...
Andy McDermott : I hope you're not sorry that I saved your life?
Serafine : It was the sweetest most courageous and selfless thing anyone's ever done for me.
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Andy McDermott : [Serafine has just heated up a guy at a cafe; Andy is running after her to keep up with her on her bike] Hey you were something else in there.
Serafine : I'm sorry. I got carried away
Andy McDermott : Oh no, that guy had it coming to him. Uh-- hey, how did you do that? He like-- that guy-- he weighed I don't know. Uh-- do you-- do you work out? Do you want me to leave
[Serafine doesn't respond]
Andy McDermott : I guess that means yes.
[Andy starts to walk away]
Serafine : Wait, stop.
[Notices Andy's bloody nose; tries to kiss her]
Serafine : I have to go now. You mustn't get involved.
Andy McDermott : Wait. When do I get to see you again?
Serafine : I don't think we should, Andy it's only because I care about you.
Andy McDermott : You have a funny way of showing it.
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Chris : Relax man. She's just playing hard to get. This whole mysterious elusive thing, it's just a ploy to make her more interesting.
Andy McDermott : No, it's not that simple. The way she talks about her parents, it's like she blames herself.
Brad : Yeah, she's demented enough. Remember the blood on her hands? That's done at the cafe?
[Does karate moves]
Brad : it's like she's a black belt or something.
Claude : [speaks french] Bonsoir? Je peux va aider.
["Good evening? Can i help you?"]
Andy McDermott : Um-- we're just...
Claude : Americans?
Brad : Yeah?
Claude : I love Americans. May I help?
Chris : Uh-- Yeah. We're looking for Serafine.
Claude : Sure. But I'm sorry she's not at home.
Andy McDermott : Are you her, uh-- brother?
Claude : [chuckles] Let's just say I look after her.
Brad : Ok. Sorry to bother you.
Chris : See you.
Brad : Let's go, Andy.
Claude : Wait.
[shuts lights to the house off]
Claude : if you guys are not doing anything later, come to our charity full moon party
[gives them invitations]
Claude : it's for a good cause.
Andy McDermott : Thanks anyway, but...
Claude : Serafine will be there. Just tell the man at the door, Claude sent you.
Chris : A little, uh-- competition, huh, Andy?
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Andy McDermott : [Serafine is trying to defibrillate her stepfather] Serafine?
Serafine : Help...
Andy McDermott : [notices what Thierrys vitals are flatlined] Serafine?
Serafine : [crying] The cure-- if he dies, we have no hope.
Andy McDermott : Serafine-- its-- he's gone. Let it go.
Serafine : No.
Andy McDermott : Yes.
Serafine : They killed him. The bastards. We're doomed now.
Andy McDermott : Well, let me have a shot at it.
Serafine : But they ruined the lab--so many years of hard work.
Andy McDermott : Did your stepfather leave any notes?
Serafine : [motions him to a chart] There.
Andy McDermott : What does that represent?
Serafine : A werewolf's biorhythm and how it's governed by the cycles of the moon. Thierry tried to keep me below the transformation threshold by injecting me with a depressant.
Andy McDermott : And it had a reverse effect.
Serafine : Yeah.
Andy McDermott : All right, just so I'm totally clear here, with this drug, you can induce a transformation at any time of the month?
Serafine : Oh my god, the samples, he left them in the cupboard over there.
[Andy opens the cupboard and notices that all the samples are gone]
Serafine : Mon dieu.
Andy McDermott : [notices an invitation to a July 4th party only for americans] Oh, brother.
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Serafine : [Andy is looking at her] What?
Andy McDermott : Did you know?
Serafine : What is it?
Andy McDermott : Did you know what he plans to do?
Serafine : [sighs] Yes, I did.
Andy McDermott : And you did nothing to stop it.
Serafine : Andy, I...
Andy McDermott : How in gods name could you just stand by and...
Serafine : For gods sakes, stop it. We may have a cure.
[shows Andy her stepfather who is in a coma]
Serafine : Thierry, my stepfather.
Andy McDermott : [notices his legs are missing] Claude?
Serafine : No.
Andy McDermott : [realizes] You?
Serafine : And my mother, too. For time I managed not to harm anyone. Even the hearts my mother smuggled from the hospital we're from the dead. Two months ago, he was sure he had discovered a serum to suppress my lycanthropic cycle, only it had the reverse effect, I immediately transformed. My mother heard the noise from upstairs. And Thierry tried to escape through the underground. When I came to, I saw i had butchered my own parents. Now do you see why I was trying to kill myself?
Andy McDermott : It's not your fault
[hugs her; she notices a cut on Andy's shoulder and cleans it for him]
Andy McDermott : don't worry about me, it's Chris who has problems. We got to get him out of there.
Serafine : [cleaning Andy's cut on his shoulder] Claude is a bastard.
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Andy McDermott : [Andy has accidentally shot Serafine as a werewolf] Serafine, oh my god. Oh
[covers her with his jacket]
Andy McDermott : just hang in there, okay? I'm going to get you out of here.
Serafine : Oh, Andy, I won't make it.
Andy McDermott : Huh? Don't quit on me now.
Serafine : [pulls switchblade from Andy's pants] Stop the pain, please?
Andy McDermott : I can't.
Serafine : Eat my heart, Andy. Let yourself go.
Andy McDermott : Serafine, I'd rather kill myself.
Serafine : For both of us then. It hurts so much. Please? Please?
[Andy reluctantly raises the knife to kill her]
Serafine : We'll be free.
[Cops appear and demand Andy to surrender]
Serafine : Hurry while you still can. Please? I love you. Please.
Andy McDermott : No, I can't. Listen, let them help you. Everything will be ok, I promise
[Andy runs off]
Andy McDermott : I got to get Claude, he's the last one.
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Andy McDermott : I didn't choose to become a werewolf. I can't face eating people the of my life.
Brad : You better get used to it.
Andy McDermott : Isn't there any way that I can become human again?
Brad : Yeah, there is, but you're not going to like it.
Andy McDermott : Tell me. How?
Brad : First, find the werewolf that bit you, then kill it. Then eat out its heart
Andy McDermott : What? But that means.. Serafine?
[Brad nods his head yes; disgusted]
Andy McDermott : I-- No way
[Amy leads Andy into the street in front of an approaching bus]
Brad : Andy, look out!
[Andy notices the bus in time and barely manages to avoid getting run over]
Amy Finch : What did you do that for?
Brad : Because I still need him, he's going to help kill the guy that did this to me.
Andy McDermott : I feel sick.
Amy Finch : This would all be over by now, if you hadn't open your fat trap.
Brad : You are the most egocentric corpse I've ever met.
Amy Finch : Listen, I don't know what kind of friend this jerk is to you, but he ate my spleen.
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Andy McDermott : [Andy has met Serafines mother but Serafine blocks him from seeing her] Hey, um-- Mrs. Pigot, um-- I know this looks really kind of-- How do you do? Uh-- I can explain. It's really not her fault. Uh-- Serafine, could-- could you introduce us?
Serafine's Mom (Alex Price-Pigot) : You wouldn't want to meet me. I'm not as attractive as I used to be.
Andy McDermott : Oh, come on. I bet you two pass for sisters.
[Realizing]
Andy McDermott : Wait a minute. Hold it. Didn't you say your mother was dead?
[Sees Serafines mother reflection in the mirror and sees that she is a corpse]
Andy McDermott : Oh, my God.
[Serafines mother screams and disappears]
Serafine Pigot : You scared her away.
Andy McDermott : I scared her? Ha.
[Puts his socks on]
Andy McDermott : That's it. My friends were right. You're nuts. Nurses with walking corpses, stealing hearts, and monsters and werewolves in the basement, and the whole thing with the thing and the thing.
Serafine Pigot : Andy, let me explain, please?
Andy McDermott : No, no, no, you already did. Look I don't know what you dosed me with, but I will not be the lab rabbit for some psychotic experiment
[tries to open door but it's locked]
Andy McDermott : All right. Look-- all right, just stay away from me. Ok? Let me out of here?
Serafine Pigot : You must drink this. Its-- it's the only thing that will help you.
Andy McDermott : Yeah, not freaking likely.
Serafine's Mom (Alex Price-Pigot) : [appears from behind him] You should do as she says.
[Andy screams and runs out the window]
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Andy McDermott : [Andy has just freaked out at a restaurant and washes his face in the restroom and sees Brad's undead reflection in the mirror] Oh! What do you want? This is a bad dream. Right? You're not here. Are you?
Brad : Andy, you were bitten. You're already changing. Hey, you would have never looked twice at that bimbo in there.
Andy McDermott : All right. I may be upset or screwed up right now, but I'm not a wolf.
Brad : Andy, I'm dead serious.
Andy McDermott : [laughs] Dead-- that's funny. That's really funny.
[starts to urinate]
Brad : Undead, actually-- cursed to walk the earth as a restless spirit until the werewolf that did me, dies.
Andy McDermott : What do you want from me?
Brad : What I want from you can wait. Dump the chick and lock yourself up, and do it quick. The moon's rising.
Andy McDermott : You're just jealous because I'm about to score. You know you can't just pop up and tell me what to do. I don't even know why I'm listening to you. I know you're dead, and so do the police.
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Chief Bonnet : [Andy is at the police station] Do you take drugs, Mr. MacDermott?
Andy McDermott : It's McDermott. And no, I don't take drugs.
Chief Bonnet : What really happened down there? Why does almost every corpse have its heart missing? Ritual sacrifices? Are you the member of a sect?
Andy McDermott : I didn't see. I was chased by a big thing, uh-- some kind of wild animal.
Chief Bonnet : Test this man for drugs.
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Andy McDermott : [Andy is at the morgue with the inspector and sees Amy's dead body] Oh, my God.
Inspector LeDuc : That's not all.
[a morgue attendant shows Andy the dead body of the detective that was tailing him]
Inspector LeDuc : Detective Ben Bou-- I had him follow you.
Andy McDermott : Is this some kind of sick joke?
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Andy McDermott : [Andy has turned back into human at the cemetery; he's covered in blood and surrounded by photographers and police] Hey, what's going on?
Inspector LeDuc : McDermott, your under arrest.
Andy McDermott : [police cover him with a blanket as he's naked] What for?
Inspector LeDuc : The possibilities are limitless. Take him away.
-
Chris : [Chris and Brad are helping Andy get ready for his date] First thing we're going to do is work on your outfit. Now, okay-- remember 80% of all these French girls really go for that macho type
[gives Andy his jacket and Brad's hat]
Brad : Oh, throwing it up on the playboy-- excellent.
Chris : All right. Don't show any insecurities that's the worst.
[Chris lends Andy his sunglasses]
Chris : and uh...
Brad : [Serafine is approaching] Split. She's coming. She's coming.
Chris : [stuffs condoms in Andy's shirt pocket] Here, be prepared.
Andy McDermott : [embarrassed] Oh, wait. Come on. Chris, it's our first date
[takes condoms back out to hand them back]
Chris : [goes off to the side with Brad while looking at a map] What are you a nun? Be cool. And, um-- show attitude.
Andy McDermott : [leans on street lamp] Serafine?
Serafine Pigot : Hi
Andy McDermott : Hi
Serafine Pigot : I didn't recognize you.
Andy McDermott : [referring to his sunglasses] vOh, yeah. Uh-- well, it's bright.
Serafine Pigot : What would you like to do?
Andy McDermott : I don't know. Is there a.. cafe?
Serafine Pigot : [chuckles] We're in Paris
-
Inspector LeDuc : [Deleted scene; Coroner shows andy a severed arm] Recognize her?
Andy McDermott : [confused] what?
[the coroner shows Andy a severed foot]
Andy McDermott : What are we playing mix and match?
[Coroner shows Andy Amy's corpse]
Andy McDermott : Oh my God.
Inspector LeDuc : That's not all.
[Coroner shows andy the body of the detective]
Inspector LeDuc : Detective Ben Boy, I had him follow you.
Andy McDermott : Is this some kind of sick joke.
Inspector LeDuc : [cop knocks for him] I'll leave you with them to get reacquainted maybe then you'll start remembering what happened.
-
Andy McDermott : [deleted scene; Andy escapes from the police station] Great now I'm a fugitive. What next?
Amy Fitch : [sarcastically] Ha, you think you got problems this whole undead gig is really getting me down.
Brad : Got to agree with her there, there's no touching, no smelling, feeling,
[shows hollowed out stomach]
Brad : no eating. It's torture.
-
Serafine : [Serafine leads Andy to a entrance that leads to a drain pipe to save him] Through there, hurry.
Andy McDermott : Why? Where are we going?
[He kisses her; she starts transforming, she grabs the back of his shirt]
Andy McDermott : Whoa.
Serafine : [repressing her transformation] You must go before it's too late.
Andy McDermott : What? Now? We just got started.
[She shoves him through the hole to get him going]
Andy McDermott : I'll never understand women.
Serafine : [barely holding back from transforming] Run. Your life is in danger.
Andy McDermott : Really? Why? Is Claude your boyfriend?
Serafine : [in pain she puts her hand on her face] Ugh. Please go. Go. Go.
[She suddenly looks at him her face starting to transform her voice sounding demonic]
Serafine : Dammit run!
Andy McDermott : Serafine, what's wrong?
[She throws a brick at him to get him to move along; he avoids getting hit]
Andy McDermott : What are you doing?
Serafine : Run. Run for your life Andy. Run.
[She throws another brick at him he manages to avoid getting hit again and finally moved along]
-
Chris : [Andy, Chris and Brad are at the party looking for Serafine] She ain't here, man.
Andy McDermott : I can't believe she'd be at a dump like this.
Brad : [sarcastically] Yeah, she's way to centered.
Claude : Glad you could come. Enjoy the party.
Chris : Merci.
Brad : [teasingly to Andy] Think he's boinking her?
Andy McDermott : [annoyed; sarcastically] Thanks alot, Brad. I'm going to go back to the villa-- see if she's there.
Chris : No, no, no. I'll go. You stay here in case she, uh-shows up.
Andy McDermott : [Really touched] Would you?
Chris : Yes.
Andy McDermott : Thanks, I appreciate it.
-
Andy McDermott : [Andy has met Amy after accidentally putting his face in her skirt] Whoa, whoa, uh-- I'm sorry.
Amy Fitch : American?
Andy McDermott : Yeah. Um-- Andy McDermott.
Amy Fitch : Amy Fitch.
Andy McDermott : [smells her perfume] And that's, uh-- Hot Kitty you're wearing.
Amy Fitch : [impressed] Wow.
Andy McDermott : You want some food?
[They're shown eating at a table; discovers bottle of wine is empty calls for waiter]
Amy Fitch : [They're shown eating at a table; Amy is giggling from drinking wine; she burps] Excuse me.
Andy McDermott : [discovers bottle of wine is empty calls for waiter] Another bottle of the 'poo willy fuissy'
[the waiter is confused]
Andy McDermott : 'La hooch de jour.'
[the waiter goes to get them another bottle]
Amy Fitch : I believe it's pronounced 'Poilly-Fuiss'
[Andy is staring at her cleavage; he turns enters a trance like stae]
Amy Fitch : Um-- hello?
[He tilts his head up]
Amy Fitch : Are you getting fresh with me?
Andy McDermott : [cracks neck] I'm sorry? I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not normally like this, honest.
Amy Fitch : [laughs] Right.
Andy McDermott : No, I'm serious. The truth is I lost my best friend today.
-
Brad : [undead Brad's head appears on a platter] Bon appe...
Andy McDermott : [freaks out bolts from the table screaming] Oh! You're dead. I saw them pull you out of the canal.
[Instead of Brad's head it's a fish on a platter]
Waiter in Restaurant : [misinterpreting] No, Monsieur, the Atlantic.
Andy McDermott : [Brad completerly emerges from the table] Whoa, get away from me.
Brad : Pull yourself together, Andy. We have to talk.
Andy McDermott : [freaking out] Talk? Talk? Wait, you're not real. All right. Let me go.
[Runs to the bathroom]
