- Pest: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the slickest of them all? It's the schemin'est, keenest scam artist. GOD, IT'S SO HARD TO BE MODEST.
- Mr. Cheung: You know, you don't even look Chinese. You look like Moe from Three Stooges. I fire your ass!
- [Pest works at a Chinese restaurant, disguised as Chinese]
- Mr. Cheung: [In heavy Chinese accent] How come I don't undastand any of your Chinese?
- Pest: [In just as thick an accent] I from Souff! Is a diffwent diawect!
- Mr. Cheung: Oh really? Well, I'm from Souff too!
- Pest: [pause] Well, I from FAR, FAR, FAR, far Souff!
- Puerto Rican Boy: If you're blind, how did you know that I was a man?
- Pest: I could hear your gonads shaking.
- [after his crotch caught on fire]
- Pest: Fear not. The Pest line shall continue. My childrens have been savededed.
- Pest: Excuse me, but - ahh. Why do I gotta look like something out of "Jungle Book" and you guys all get the nice Banana Republic stuff?
- [after tumbling down a steep hill and banging his head against a rock]
- Pest: Aaahhh, now I'm nice and limber!
- [after Gustav wasted his tranquilzers on Xantha's family and his son, missing Pest]
- Pest: You can't hit me! You can't hit me! You're a big sucker-butt! Ha ha ha, ha ha ha! I can't believe you're German! Ha ha h...
- [Gustav hits him with the gun handle]