User Reviews

Garbage superhero movie based on the Superman spin-off character, Steel. One of the all-time bad comic book movies. Shaquille O'Neal is terrible, delivering lines like he's reading a menu. The armor his character wears is ludicrous and cheap. His sidekick is a woman in a wheelchair named Sparky, played by Annabeth Gish. Poor Annabeth tries but the material she's given is dreadful. Judd Nelson gives a self-consciously bad performance as the villain Burke. He knows he's in trash and doesn't even try to make the material work. In many scenes he's clearly suppressing laughter at the terrible lines he's given. It may not be professional behavior but I can hardly blame the guy. Collect that paycheck, Bender. Despite taking place in 1997, the police are driving cars that look like they're from the early '80s. Just another sign of the shoddy production, I guess. The whole thing looks cheap like it was produced by the dollar store. I suppose there is some unintended comic value of the "so bad it's good" variety. But mostly it just stinks.

With all this madness about superheroes going on right now ("The Avengers" just opened today), I decided to go back in time to 1997, to the poorly received box office flop "Steel." I was 12 back in 1997, but I have to admit that I liked "Steel" then (I also liked the big-budget adaptation of another favorite superhero of mine, "Spawn").

15 years later, a lot has changed. For one, I've grown up. I now realize that "Steel" is not a very good movie. I remember around that time, my cousin saw "Steel" in the theaters and told us that it was not a very good movie. The critics and most sensible audience members seemed to agree.

But I digress; "Steel" is good for one thing and one thing only: a rainy day, like today. Since I'm not daring brave the over-crowded theaters for fear of being over-run by Avengers fan-boys (and fan-girls), I decided to pop in my 14-year-old VHS copy of "Steel" and relive 1997 like it was just 15 years ago (which, in fact, it was).

"Steel" is the live-action adaptation of the second-tier DC Comics character co-created by Louise Simonson and Jon Bogdanove, with NBA star Shaquille O'Neal playing the titular steel-armored, non-super-powered superhero whose real name is John Henry Irons in his civilian identity.

I'm not really a fan of the movie anymore (most readers will remember that I'm largely a Marvel Comics reader), but I find the history of the original comic book character to be quite fascinating: as yet another proud, positive black-American superhero in comics, John Henry Irons is a brilliant former weapons designer for a private arms-manufacturing company whose life is saved, both literally and metaphorically, by the mighty Man of Steel himself, Superman. Ironically, a later incident with the powerful super-villain Doomsday costs Superman his life, and Irons's life is changed forever when he decides to don a powered suit of armor of his own making - much like Marvel Comics' Tony Stark/Iron Man - and fight crime himself as Steel (with Superman's logo blazoned mightily on his chest as a reminder of his inspiration) and wielding a powerful sledgehammer, too.

The 1997 live-action adaptation removes any mention of Superman (or his apparent death), except for a tattoo O'Neal has on his arm, and goes forward with its own origin story. Certain aspects of the movie are faithful to the comics, but the rest of it is pretty campy and just bloody awful. This time out, Irons is a weapons designer for the U.S. Army and when an ambitious rival, Nathaniel Burke (Judd Nelson), is involved in an accident that kills a U.S. senator and leaves his best friend Susan "Sparky" Sparks (Annabeth Gish) a paraplegic, Irons resigns from the military in disgust.

Irons (whose name is reportedly inspired by the legendary black-American folk hero John Henry) returns to his home in Los Angeles, only to discover that street gangs are out committing brazen bank robberies using the exact same, albeit heavily modified, weapons he designed. With Sparky and Uncle Joe (Richard Roundtree) by his side, Irons dons a custom-made suit of armor as the armored superhero Steel. As he dives deeper into his investigation, he discovers that his old rival Nathaniel Burke (who has since recruited young neighborhood street kids to do his bidding) is behind the robberies and the deadly new weapons out on the street.

"Steel" is pretty cheesy and campy, and I don't mean that in a good way.

Unlike most people, I don't think Shaquille O'Neal is that lousy an actor. I think that if he were given the right material, he would manage out OK. At least here, I think he seems perfect for the part of John Henry Irons/Steel; it's just a shame that the rest of the movie, as written and directed by Kenneth Johnson ("V"), is just not very good. In other words, Shaq just needed a better movie. The special effects, the hokey street dialogue, and the performances don't help matters much either. Richard Roundtree and Irma P. Hall do what they can, but aren't given a whole lot to do beyond offering elder-generation advice to the younger folks. Judd Nelson relishes his role as a stereotypical villain, but it's really Annabeth Gish as the physically handicapped yet resilient gadgeteer Susan Sparks who really seems to shine the most in what could have been a very limiting part.

I sense that a remake/reboot is, or soon probably will be, in the works sometime in the near future, and that is one "Steel" I just "may" (italicized) fork over $7.50 at my local movie theater to see. Until then, "Steel" will continue to mightily serve its purpose for rainy days (and some late-'90s nostalgia)...

4/10

This movie could have been lifted out of the doldrums with decent dialogue. Shaq was much better this time around (as opposed to "Kazaam", although that's not saying much). Burke's "wisdom" to his gang member is absolutely laughable, and especially don't miss Shaq's awful "cool, just like you" at the beginning.

Steel did some things right; some parts they tried to make funny were genuinely funny, and the plot was pretty interesting. However, the parts where you "laugh with" the scriptwriter are pale in comparision to those where you "laugh at" the scriptwriter.

In summation...you need to see this movie.

This is a B-movie classic. The special effects are awful and the acting is worse, but at least it's not boring. As a cinematic experience, it's below par, but as entertainment it's top notch. It's basically like a B-movie, unintentionally hysterical version of Superman (which makes sense, since apparently Steel is based on a DC comic series which was an offshoot of the Superman Funeral for a friend storyline) , except Steel's only discernible superpowers are: being tall, having a metal suit that makes him walk slowly, and uttering unfunny catch phrases that are so bad you have to bust out laughing. This movie is probably the funniest thing I've seen all year. Of course, it's not intended to be funny most of the time when it is.

Watching Shaq "act" is the highlight of the film. I fell out of my chair laughing every time he said something. Shaq's still a better actor than Hulk Hogan though, not that that's saying much. They should give Shaq more movies. Hulk Hogan made a dozen or more, and they were all awful, why not Shaq?

The special effects look like they were made in the 1980s. Bad miniatures and Superman-esque laser effects look pretty silly in this day and age. This adds to the fun factor of the movie though since you'll probably scream "Dear Lord that laser is the same miniature they used in Godzilla in the 60s!".

The plot to the movie isn't horrible, even though it's pretty thin. Basically Steel is a superhero with a secret identity out to save the world from an evil supervillain. Pretty standard superhero fare.

This movie has earned its place in my heart alongside other bad movie classics like "cool as ice" starring vanilla ice. A must-see for bad movie buffs. Some folks who like superhero films might like it too since it's mildly diverting and quick-paced. Those who relish quality cinematic experiences should avoid.

Steel is one of those films where you constantly have to keep telling yourself "this is NOT a TV movie". A cheap, outrageously bad superhero vehicle for the acting... er... talents?... of 7'1 basketball player Shaquille O'Neal.

Commendably, the film does actually have three clear acts, and Steel's emergence, though underplayed, doesn't happen for over forty minutes. In-jokes are a-plenty, as it mentions Batman, Superman, Jerry Maguire ("show me the money!") and three instances of John Irons (O'Neal) having to net basketballs. The final time sees a life-threatening toss of a grenade. A lousy basketball player throughout, Shaq gets to quip "I never make these". Or would you prefer Richard Roundtree as Uncle Joe, who designs Steel's hammer for him? "I did the metalwork," he explains, "I especially like the shaft." Cue lots of double-takes and knowing glances, with Roundtree looking round, hands in the air, proclaiming "what?"

The special effects are reasonable for tv movie land, but, as this is (pinch me, I must be imagining it) a real cinema movie, they're quite cheap. Steel is badly written, contains atrocious dialogue, is poorly acted, shabbily directed and with an overbearing, repetitive musical score. It is, of course, tremendously entertaining.

Oh man, I don't believe this. Perhaps with the exception of "Barb Wire", I don't think I have watched anything that comes anywhere near this. When I come to think of it, "Barb Wire" is actually better than this, because I could laugh while watching it. This film is so bad it reaches a certain quality of lousiness only reserved for the very worst of bad ideas. I mean - Shaquille O'Niell in a steel suit with a super weapon made from the contents of a lost-and-found at the scrap yard? Please!

As an enormous Superman fan I picked this video up (for less than 5 dollars) just to add to my collection. I know it had nothing to do with the actual origins of the DC Comics Steel which came from the Death of Superman story but still has some similarities. The story revolves around John Henry Irons, played of course by Shaq, an army Lieutenant who worked on the creation of high tech sonic weapons along with Susan Sparks, played by Annabeth Gish, and Nathaniel Burk played by Judd Nelson. After a miscalculation leaves Susan paralyzed Irons leaves the army into civilian life. Nathaniel becomes the evil nemesis building the weapons and preparing to sell them to world arms dealers but first testing them on bank robberies with street gangs. Irons with the help of Susan referred to as Sparky and Iron's Uncle Joe played by Richard Roundtree build their own crime fighting weapons as well as a head to toe...well except for his face...outfit of steel.

The acting does get rather bad, it feels like a grade school play, and the jokes get far too reality based as so many people have pointed out. The Shaft joke just isn't funny, and the basketball references are unnecessary but that's not what wrecks the movie. What wrecks the movie is the storyline. They could so easily have based this character after the Superman origin. They made reference to the man of steel so many times that it would not have taken much to create Iron's character following the death of Superman. Shaq is not a terrible actor, there are far worse, but his physical stature makes his regular joe schmoe character almost unbelievable.

He towers above everyone and just looks silly. They never establish any sort of romance between Susan and John Irons although they hint to it, it never turns into anything. The story moves along at a good pace, and I thought Judd Nelson played a kick butt bad guy...although he played it almost sarcastically, it fit the movie really. The special effects were cheesy and obviously cheap but I can look past that. The part that bothers me the most is that his "steel" suit being bullet proof is fine but the good 5 or 6 inches on his face that was uncovered miraculously never got touched by bullets or anything else.

Plot holes are almost expected in a film like this so you have to swallow your reality to enjoy it. But sometimes if the movie isn't good enough, it's not worth swallowing anything. I don't regret watching it, it's not the worst movie I've ever seen that's for sure. 5/10

Sure, the acting is bad, the special effects are amaturish, the direction incompetent, the story sadly changed from the comic book, and the screenwriting lame, lame, lame, but the casting is interesting in a drug induced sort of way. I was hoping that this would be one of those "it's so bad, it's funny" movies", but it was just bad. Please don't watch this fiasco, it will just steal precious moments from your life you can never get back. I beg of you, your brain cells beg of you, just say no. Shaquille O'Neil should be legally barred from acting. Annabeth Gish should be ashamed, Judd Nelson couldn't possibly sink any lower, and poor Richard Roundtree, how the mighty have fallen. I hope the next time I see Shaft, I don't remember seeing this waste of time.

Charmingly terrible but fun. I don't know if this is a pro or con, but at no point do you forget that you are watching Shaq. Con is you can't forget about the actor and enjoy the character. Pro is shaq is hilarious and charming. Generally fun. May as well give it a shot.

I've never seen a movie as bad as this one. A few come close, but none have the power to topple "Steel". First off, when are people going to realize most athletes can't act, ESPECIALLY Shaq?? The effects are not-so-special, and are in fact quite terrible, which is ironic because so is the plot, the acting, and generally everything else in this so-called movie (read : vehicle to make some money off Shaq's name). I think the director and producer deliberately wanted to insult the audience with this tremendous piece of crap.

I actually liked this movie (as did my kids). Surprised by the vitriolic reviews. I found Steel to be a campy, playful movie. Nobody took themselves seriously and just had fun with it. The kids loved Shaq....found him a big, endearing sweet guy. I guess if you were expecting a pricey high tech, serious super hero movie, you'd be disappointed. This is a warm hearted superhero spoof. Lighten up and enjoy!

STEEL is for almost everyone a dreadful movie. On IMDB it has a score of 2,8 and few months ago, when it reached 10,000 ratings, it ended in the Bottom 100 (the list of the 100 lowest rated major releases according to users' ratings). Unfortunately, I am not the typical viewer, since when I saw it when it was 32 ratings shy I gave it a try, but I didn't ended up hating the movie. In reverse, I ended up enjoying it very much and I personally couldn't believe all the hate that surrounded this movie for years.

The movie begins with John Henry Irons (Shaquille O'Neal) that is in the Army and he is trying a super-powerful cannon. A fellow serviceman, Nathaniel Burke (Judd Nelson) set the cannon at the maximum power and there is a horrible accident that destroys a entire building and cripples Irons' friend Sparky (Annabeth Gish). Nathaniel is of course expelled from the Army and Irons returns home to his grandma.

Later there is a street gang that robs a bank using the weapons with Burke and Irons' technology. Irons realizes that Burke is dealing with all the weapons smugglers and dealers for letting people using his dangerous weapons everywhere. So it's up to Irons, Sparky and Uncle Joe (Richard Roundtree) to stop Burke. And so Irons creates a steel (for some looks like made of rubber) suit and a huge hammer/weapon and goes out at night to fight crime and, as everyone would expect, he succedds in defeating Burke.

So why I didn't hated the movie? Well, the plot in my opinion gives a message like ''don't never give up in defeating your enemy, because the day of revenge will come sooner or later''. And I found the soundtrack pretty cool since it gives a nice and nostalgic 90s feel. Despite Shaquille O'Neal is a bit one-note in his performance (and he was even nominated for a Razzie for Worst Actor the following year) and he looks like the largest sardine can ever made with that steel suit, I have to admit it, he was much better than in KAZAAM (his other leading man movie). About the only thing I would agree with most of the reviewers is that the special effects look a bit dated even for 1997 standards, but at the end, for me it wasn't a problem. If this movie would have been made with the same budget of movies like THE AVENGERS or IRON MAN then I would have hated it, but since the budget wasn't that huge the movie was adequate.

Don't be afraid to buck conventional wisdom, because I think that there are some that might enjoy this movie just like I did, and trust me, there are much WORSE movies out there!

Several years ago, DC Comics killed Superman. Four characters leapt to the forefront and claimed to be the fallen Superman. Steel was one of these characters and he showed great potential.

Then a movie was made bearing the same name. The movie sounded good in theory and it showed much potential. Then someone casted Shaq and the rest was history. Other bad choices were made like casting Judd Nelson. On top of all that a director was chosen.... not Oliver Stone, not even Tim Burton, but Kenneth Johnson. Kenneth who? The same Kenneth Johnson who did "V", "Alien Nation" and "The Incredible Hulk". It is no wonder the Hiroshima of cinema was created. This movie is the exact opposite of what a good movie should be. Bad acting, bad script, bad directing. This movie became something that would have made Ed Wood proud. The rest of us on the other hand should forget this movie was ever made. I know it is hard, but try...... please try to forget.

Steel is an awesome movie, a cinematic masterpiece. I have not had as good a time in the theater since I saw Steel. Steel's action is big, but the laughs are even bigger. It is one of the funnier movies I can think of. Shaquille is perfect as the super hero Steel. Every time he is in that ridiculous suit, with his goofy smile, I just have to burst out laughing. The plot is good too, and the action sequences are well choreographed. But the most important part of this movie is the many, many laughs. Richard Roundtree has some great jokes ("I especially like the shaft"). Annabeth Gish is hilarious as Sparky, especially at the end with her wheelchair that rises so she can stand ("You havent seen the best part"). Some guy gets killed because of a discrepency over the meat type in his hot dog. A pin is pulled from a grenade and 27 seconds later it blows up, after Shaq jokes about not being able to make free throws. Why the bad rap on Steel? I have no idea, maybe the angry comic book fans have no sense of humor. This film deserves a lot more credit, and Shaquille O'Neal needs to be back for a Steel 2.

If you're like me, you're frustrated at how few comic book characters translate well to the big screen. The Punisher. Captain America. Now, we have Steel. And it's a shame. Steel is one of those characters that had enough depth and nobility as a character that it could have been pulled off without a huge budget. And that seemed to be the idea of this movie. So why is it so bad? Well, for starters, Steel looks ridiculous. Why does the suit have to be made from junk-yard leftovers? He was in the military, so why couldn't he have swiped a cool-looking prototype? And where's the cape? Call me corny, but what gives the suit its majesty is that big, flowing red cape. No references to Superman, or the sense of awe and gratitude that inspired John Irons into becoming Steel. And the hammer as a gun? Puh-leeze. Still, this could have been a decent movie if the guy who wrote the plots had hired someone else to do the dialogue. Judd Nelson is a good villain, and Shaq might have been able to pull off a true hero had he not been reduced to one-liners and jive talk. Also, why is it that no one in Shaq's hood can figure out that the 7 foot tall Shaq is the 7 foot tall Steel? This movie is so self-conscious that the obvious noble aspirations just seem pitiful. Like most comic characters, Steel deserved much better writing (like that found in his comic).

Batman and Robin, Catwoman, their awfulness pales in comparison to this turkey. Shaquille O'Neil wanted to be an actor and Hollywood was happy to enable his fantasy. Much like the terminally ill cancer child wanting to go to Disneyland, the gave Shaq a free ride through the studio. It's bad nobody told him to not to touch the equipment.

With TV movie production values (Kenneth Johnson just is not meant to work on the big screen), a ridiculous premise (yeah sure, Shaq designed these highly advanced weapon systems), and a cast that found themselves literally overshadowed by the star of the film (you have to feel sorry for Richard "Shaft" Roundtree) it's amazing the movie ever saw the light of day. I notice that even today the movie has not made it's way onto DVD, and maybe that is for the best.

I wish this was in the category of "so bad it's good," but unfortunately it's just plain bad. It's like the worst, cheesiest TV movie you could imagine. The acting is atrocious, the writing awful, and the whole production a travesty. Shaq is charismatic, but severely limited in his acting abilities. If you have the opportunity to watch this, don't.

"Steel" is, by accounts, a bad movie. It's IMDB score is currently an appalling 2.8 and it was on IMDB's infamous Bottom 100 List until recently. Why is it no longer on the list? Well, the new standards say that a movie must have 10,000 votes to be eligible for this list of worst-rated films...and "Steel" is 103 votes shy...meaning it may just be on the list in the near future if it can get more votes....and would rest about #22 on the list. And, incidentally, Shaquille O'Neal was nominated for the worst actor Razzie for this performance. So why did I watch it? I have a weird passion...to see all 100 on the list...because many are simply hilarious and aren't intended to be! So is "Steel" as bad as its score would indicate? No. Now it is NOT a good film....but I can think of hundreds of worse movies. Certainly NOT a ringing endorsement!

When the film begins, John Henry Irons (Shaquille O'Neal) is in the army and there is a test of a new super-weapon. The baddie in the film, Nathaniel Burke (Judd Nelson), did not listen to John's instructions and there's an awful accident. Nathaniel is rightfully tossed from the service and John quits because he wants to work on weapons that neutralize the enemy...not kill them.

Skip ahead a bit of time and suddenly an LA gang is using a weapon based on the technology that John and Nathaniel developed. John realized that Nathaniel must have gone evil and is about to make a killing selling these dangerous weapons to the highest bidders. So, it's up to John to create his own super tools--with not only a high powered neutralizing gun but a steel suit to protect him from Nathaniel's evil weapons.

So is it terrible? No. It's not good...but not terrible. O'Neal is a bit wooden, I admit it, but he also is pretty cute in his scenes with his grandma....and I think the film would have been better with more of these sorts of scenes. The plot is a bit silly and in many ways, the film comes off like merging "Iron Man" (with O'Neal being a brilliant inventor and superhero like Tony Stark) and "Sanford and Son", as John's hideout is in a junk yard and his costume, in part, is made from junk. The bottom line is that the film isn't much fun BUT it didn't seem awful or painful to watch...which disappointed me because I was hoping the film would totally embarrass O'Neal.

I thought we had hit rock bottom with Batman & Robin in '97 regarding comic-book movie adaptions, but then I discovered this amazing production that takes it even further, oh boy..

The story starts with our main action hero John Henry Irons (played by professional basketball player Shaquille O'Neal) who is in the army creating and testing new super-weapons. One soldier named Nathaniel Burke (Judd Nelson) for some reason decides to set a weapon to maximum when John's team is testing a new sonic gun, which blows up the building the team is in. The building collapses which cripples John's partner Susan "Sparky" Sparks (Annabeth Gish). John doesn't like that and leaves the army as does Burke who is dismissed from the military for doing stupid things like blowing up buildings he is standing in... While John goes back to LA and takes a shot at a three-pointer (which he misses, isn't that hilarious?!? An actor who is a professional basketball player misses a shot? Well wait till you see the other basketball jokes...!), the evil Burke teams up with a video arcade manager (???) to hatch a plot to sell the not-so-secret high-tech weapons to criminal gangs. John witnesses a bank robbery organized by over the top acting gangsters wielding the high-tech weapons he helped designing. Because he is unarmed, he decides to chase one gang member armed with a high tech gun who makes a run for it, because you don't just shoot down John! After going unarmed to the not-so-secret hide- out of the over the top acting gangsters and not getting any information, John decides that enough is enough. He goes to get Sparky Susan, who is very depressed being wheelchair-bound but is instantly happy by just opening some windows, get's her to work for him and with the help of Uncle Joe (?? who?), in-explainable technology and some lame 80's music he forges a suit of armor and bring Justice to the city, HA!

Let me start that there is absolutely nothing in this movie that can be defined as "good". The acting is extremely bad, not only is our main hero a lame actor but the rest of the cast is also not really going for any awards here. The special effects look awful, those super-weapon look like cheap firework and the Steel suit is comparable to what you could wear to a larp event. How the suit operates is never explained, magic I guess? Shaquille also looks really silly in this costume, I almost fell off my couch from laughter when he waves his finger at the gangsters when they try to shoot him. The plot is behind stupid as well and it makes no sense whatsoever. The main villain want to lease weapons because he is the only one where they can charge up the guns? Why don't they just shoot him and take the guns for free?

You can ask yourself that question a thousand time during this movie: "why don't just shoot him/her!?". Especially when John goes chasing an armed gangster unarmed and when Sparky Susan fires off her wheelchair guns... Oh my goodness that was another moment when I couldn't stop laughing. I never laugh at people in wheelchairs but this looked so ridiculous that I just couldn't help myself. Ow and don't get me started on the basketball puns, I completely lost it and had tears in my eyes from laughter during the final act when he has to throw a grenade trough a hole. "I never make these!". Ow make it stop!

Steel is an awful movie but it's so bad that you should watch it for the laughs. If they hired some comedy actors and marketed this as a parody, it could have worked though.

Steel

Wearing a suit made out of steel sounds amazing. Moving around in a suit made of steel sounds impossible.

Fortunately, the 7-foot tall vigilante in this action movie has the strength to manipulate his metal pants.

When a weapon he designed for the army causes an accident that cripples his friend, Sparky (Annabeth Gish), John Henry Irons (Shaquille O'Neal) retires.

With Irons gone, a duplicitous army officer, Nathaniel Burke (Judd Nelson), begins selling Irons' lethal inventions to the criminal underworld.

When Irons' gets wind of this, he recruits a now wheelchair bound Sparky and Uncle Joe (Richard Roundtree), to help him wage war against Burke and his cronies in an impenetrable armoured suit.

Based on the DC Comics character inspired by Superman, Steel's armour has many chinks: namely Shaq's acting abilities and its insufferable script.

Sadly, when this African American hero arrives, old white women still think he's the villain.

Red Light

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The movie is pretty bad if we go by film standards and conventions but you can enjoy it as a light, not-to-be-taken-too-seriously kinda movie.

Steel doesn't have any relation to Superman in this movie, except for the S-sign tattoo that Shaq has on his arm (which leads me to believe it was one of the reasons for him to be cast as Steel)

Steel is your typical run-of-the-mill superhero movie. John Henry Irons is a pretty clever man who creates harmless armament that just disable instead of killing or harming. His creations are used for other purposes . He fights back while teaching his little brother a moral lesson and getting the girl in the end.

By the way, don't pay attention to the previous comment because the author doesn'tknow what he's talking about.

He says "Steel, unlike Batman, has no powers but use gadgetry" when it's a VERY WELL KNOWN FACT that Batman doesn't have powers neither and he relies on gadgetry too...

Well, it is. But it isn't worth a 2.7/10!

I shall get to the point. Steel is abominably written, poorly acted (with the exception of Richard Roundtree, who for some reason actually tries) and shabbily directed. Surely then, it is a bad film?

WELL.

I have just finished watching "Now You See Me", and it really helped me to understand that a film being objectively "good" or otherwise is not the same as it being an enjoyable experience. I can still watch Steel and even while laughing at it, can really get into it. Say what you will about its writing, the writer at least didn't get ahead of himself - didn't go writing some deep, intricate epic without any skill to back it up. Say what you will also (and please, I encourage this one) about Shaq's acting which, especially in the army scenes at the start of the film, is unstoppably dire. But he's never required to do something which puts the weight of the film on the subtleties in his performance (Shaquille O'Neal as Oskar Schindler?).

I probably don't make myself very clear here but, simply put, if you take the film for what it is it's still possible to enjoy it. It's functional, if nothing more, which is not something I would say happily about "Now You See Me". I also love the theme tune that's pretty much just the latter half of the 20th century mashed into one big brassfest. At the end of the cliché, I had fun watching it and you can't tell me I didn't.

"Eat the hot-dog. Don't be one."

Let's get the worst facets of STEEL out of the way first. Yes, Shaquille O'Neal is a dreadful actor. Yes, he looks like the world's biggest sardine can in his Steel armor. Yes, the dialog is bargain basement. Yes, Judd Nelson makes for the worst comic book villain this side of Mark Hamill as The Trickster in THE FLASH television series. And yes, the film embarrasses itself even further by clumsily trying to deliver a we-must-stop-using-weapons-to-settle-our-differences message. Happy?

STEEL is not a masterpiece in any sense of the word, but that doesn't mean it should be completely written off. It's one of those pictures that requires you to set aside your pre-conceived notions about good film-making and just enjoy the ride. Do that, and STEEL is a surprisingly amusing little adventure. O'Neal is fun, if not unspectacular, as our jumbo-sized hero, a do-gooder vigilante cleanin' up the streets with a big ol' hammer and souped-up motorbike. He's aided by wheelchair-bound hottie Annabeth Gish and an aged Richard Roundtree as his off-the-wall Uncle Joe.

Our hero's climactic showdown with the one-dimensionally evil Nelson is incredibly cheesy, as are many scenes, but the film has its heart so firmly in the right place you'll be more than a little lenient. As usual, what Shaq lacks in talent he makes up for in charm and a deep likability that seeps right through the screen.

STEEL is an uncomplicated film that seems custom-made for little boys, who will absolutely adore it. If you're in the right mood, you'll like it, too.

It's astounding that this was made for theatrical release. There are very few movies out there which are worse than this one. It was too violent to really be a small childrens movie, but it had drama and dialog that couldn't interest anybody over five years of age. I couldn't give this movie a "1" because a few of the props were not made of cardboard. If you liked this movie, I recommend you also watch R.O.T.O.R. and seek professional help. Action: terrible, Script: horrible, Acting: pathetic, Effects: amazingly lame, Unintended Comedy Value: medium-high

This movie will be with me in my misery for a long time to come.