Celebrity (1998)

Kenneth Branagh: Lee Simon

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Lee Simon : You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. I mean, every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning at all, I'm looking at it.

  Supermodel : You're so sweet.

• Nicole Oliver : I mean, I could never have intercourse with anyone other than Phil. My body belongs to my husband.

  Lee Simon : Listen, I understand and, you know, I - I...

  Nicole Oliver : What I do from the neck up, that's a different story.

• Lee Simon : One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you f***ing blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.

• Supermodel : I'm polymorphously perverse. It's not a flaw, it's just a weakness.

  Lee Simon : Polymorphously perverse? Meaning?

  Supermodel : Meaning every part of my body is - gives me sexual pleasure.

  Lee Simon : Meaning?

  Supermodel : Meaning every part of me give me erotic pleasure.

  Lee Simon : And how - sensitive does that make you?

  Supermodel : Well, if you touch my thighs, my hands, my neck, my kneecaps, I - I'm orgasmic.

• Lee Simon : And you're, you're perfect. Do you have ANY flaws? I'm agog... with...

  Supermodel : Physically?

• Supermodel : You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...

  Lee Simon : From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.

• Lee Simon : Just in time. Another minute, I'd have been found dead of comedy poisoning...

• Lee Simon : I'm awash in self-contempt!

• Bonnie : Apparently his first two books...

  Lee Simon : They were obliterated. I got the three "s's": self-indulgent, sophomoric, solipsistic...

• Lee Simon : I remember the face, for sure. And - and you're an actress!

  Nola : I'm an extra. A face in the crowd.

• Nicole Oliver : I had this whole wall here plastered with movie star photos. Yeah, and I would dream about being in a movie with Warren Beatty.

  Lee Simon : What a nice dream.

  Nicole Oliver : Yeah. And I remember I used to lay on my bed, naked, and watch my body develop.

  Lee Simon : Naked.

  Nicole Oliver : And I would *pray* that my breasts and my legs would be beautiful so that I could be an actress.

  Lee Simon : You know, you got a very erotic figure reclining like that. I have to say that.

  Nicole Oliver : Well, fortunately I did mature quickly.

• Bill Gaines : I'm Nicole's press agent.

  Lee Simon : Okay.

  Bill Gaines : Look, if you could, let's, you know, not draw on the bulimia.

• Lee Simon : You know you're the only one who ever makes any sense to me since my divorce.

  Bonnie : I'm not looking for somebody to make sense to. I want somebody to become irrational over me.

• Lee Simon : Film is where it's at. I mean, who reads books any more? Anyhow, not young kids. They're into cinema.

• Philip Datloff : V.J. Rajnipal called. You know, a great writer. He just gave us a fabulous manuscript on the exact same subject.

  Lee Simon : Really? The same subject?

  Philip Datloff : A society where every single member is famous. There are no uncelebrated people.

• Lee Simon : You're just saying the same thing: can you get lost so I can jump into bed with the director.

  Nola : You know, anyone listening to you would think I was the whore of Tribeca.

• Lee Simon : Listen, we have not made love in weeks. What is that?

  Nola : Why do you want me when I just lie there like a dead fish?