- The Killer: You're awake?
- Nelson Hibbert: Yeah, for a while now.
- The Killer: I've been carrying you!
- Nelson Hibbert: I thought you wanted to.
- Creepy Guy: Know how many assassins it took to kill JFK?
- Nelson Hibbert: One?
- Creepy Guy: Nope. There were no gunmen at all. His head just did that. I call it the "No Bullet theory."
- Nelson Hibbert: [Being dragged out the door] Alright, I'll leave! But I will leave here of my own free will!
- Nelson Hibbert: What kind of a man has a favorite daughter?
- Mr. Nagel: Now, moving along...
- Nelson Hibbert: And if you do have a favorite then you should label them! Favorite and not favorite!
- Nelson Hibbert: Something happened to me back there with that gun pointed to my head. I had... um... I had a uh...
- Lynn Holden: An epiphany?
- Nelson Hibbert: No, no. It was more like a realization but on a grand scale...
- Lynn Holden: An epiphany!
- Nelson Hibbert: No, it had like religious proportions to it...
- Lynn Holden: You're describing an epiphany...
- Nelson Hibbert: But whatever it was, it made me realize how shallow my life has been...
- Lynn Holden: What are you talking about, my brother's not Gay!
- Nelson Hibbert: [turns on the Boombox and "Small Town Boy" starts playing]
- Det. Arlen: Captain Hughes, I want to know one thing. Are you sure it was him?
- Capt. Hughes: I'm positive. Uh, he wounded a bunch of my guys. He did this somersault thing onto a squad car while shooting.
- Det. Arlen: That's him all right. I've seen him pull himself up into an air duct.
- Capt. Hughes: Really?
- Det. Arlen: Well, great, he's out of Cleveland. No longer my problem. Let's go, Jimmy!
- Lynn Holden: I feel that I'm a pretty intuitive person. Except for that one guy who said he was an advanced scout for an alien invasion force but it turned out he just wanted to get inside my pants.
- Jimmy: The Feds would like you to stay on the case since you've been so involved this far, and the FBI will give you all the backup and resources you need to continue your investigation.
- Det. Arlen: That's just great. What kind of resources.
- Jimmy: Unlimited.
- Det. Arlen: Unlimited, huh?
- Jimmy: Uh-huh.
- Det. Arlen: Jimmy, how long would it take to get from here to Cincinatti by helicopter?
- Jimmy: I don't know. About half an hour.
- Det. Arlen: Great, get one. I got a sister in Cincinatti I haven't seen in eight months. Let's go!
- The Killer: [holding Nelson hostage while talking to police] All right, here's what I want: a million dollars in cash, safe passage across the border...
- Nelson Hibbert: ...And a helicopter.
- The Killer: And a helicopter! Wait!
- [to Nelson]
- The Killer: Why?
- Nelson Hibbert: I always wanted to ride in a helicopter.
- Det. Arlen: Your helicopter is on it's way.
- The Killer: I don't want a helicopter!
- Farmer Brown: Be sure nice to tear this bank down and plant me a fresh crop of corn.
- Fred Holden: You will not plant one ear of your filthy corn here!