The Impostors (1998)

Stanley Tucci: Arthur

Photos 

Quotes 

• Maurice : [has just finished eating a pastry; part of a scheme to get free pastries]  I hate them.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Oh, I'm sorry; to each his own. There's another bakery shop down the block whose wares might be more to your liking. Thank you for coming in.

  [to Arthur] 

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : May I help you, sir?

  Arthur : Yes, would you excuse me a moment? I'm sorry,

  [to Maurice] 

  Arthur : I couldn't help but overhear, excuse me, sir, um, but may I say that your rudeness to this hard-working gentleman is uncalled for.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Please, sir

  Maurice : I beg your pardon.

  Arthur : No, I beg yours, sir. I happen to know that this gentleman

  [refers to the baker] 

  Arthur : is one of the finest pastry chefs on the Eastern seaboard.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Well, thank you.

  Arthur : You're welcome.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Do I know you?

  Arthur : Of course you do.

  Maurice : What's your point?

  Arthur : My point is, sir, that you would not know a good creampuff if it jumped up and licked you on the ass.

  Maurice : Well...

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Sir, it's just a difference in taste.

  Arthur : No, no. this man is clearly an imbecile.

  Maurice : Ah, an insult!

  [quietly to Arthur] 

  Maurice : I'm in-I'm insulted?

  Arthur : Yes.

  Maurice : I'm insulted! Well, I am!

  Arthur : Oh, well good-good-good-good! Well, I'm glad you are! But I'm sure you're not as insulted as this gentleman!

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Oh, I'm not insulted.

  Arthur : Oh, yes you are! The man works all day like a mule to support his miserable family.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Well, here now, my family isn't miserable. We're all quite happy!

  Arthur : No, you're not! You're miserable and pathetic, look at you!

  [ignoring his protest] 

  Arthur : All day, working like a lackey from rise to set sweating in the eye of Phoebus!

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : I love my work!

  Arthur : No, you don't!

• Arthur : Oh, no! We're going to die! We're going to...

  Maurice : Don't you see? This will be your great dramatic death!

  Arthur : I DON'T WANT A REAL ONE!

• Marco : [Arthur and Maurice explain that the First Mate has planted bombs aboard the ship, but Marco doesn't understand]  He's a gardener?

  Arthur : What?

  Marco : Well, how many bulbs did he plant?

• Arthur : [in disguise, using a false British accent]  I'll have a double Martini.

  [the bartender reaches for small glass] 

  Arthur : No, not in that glass.

  [points to large martini glass with his cane] 

  Arthur : *That* one.

  Bartender with Big Glass : That one is for display, sir.

  Arthur : It'll do just fine.

• Maurice : [the two are in disguise and Arthur is using a British accent]  Should I have an accent, too?

  Arthur : What kind?

  Maurice : I've always wanted to try Indian.

  Arthur : Yeah, but you don't really look Indian.

• Sparks : Are either of you Greek?

  Arthur : No.

  Maurice : Well, yes, actually I'm half-Greek.

  Sparks : Top half or bottom half?

• [last lines] 

  Maurice : [toasting]  To life.

  Arthur : And its many deaths.

• Arthur : [as a cockney beggar]  Please, sir, I want some more. Y'see, sir, I've not eaten for fourteen days since me mum died of the group.

  Maurice : Croup.

  Arthur : Croup. Of the croup, she died, leaving me and my mentally ill brother, 'ere, to fend for ourselves. Murdered, she was, in 'er bed by one of 'er johns. Y'see, sir, she sold 'erself to feed us. She compromised 'erself for oursakes, leaving us all alone and 'ungry and 'omeless and my poor brother needs a brain operation and my glaucoma's gettin' worse and sir... SIR!... SIR? I can't see you sir! I can't see you sir! AHH... AHH... I'M BLIND!... AHHHHHHH!

• Maurice : So I insult him?

  Arthur : Yeah, yeah, tell him you think his pastries are no good, okay?

  Maurice : Oh, good idea, good idea.

  Arthur : Yeah. Say that they're stale.

  Maurice : Hey, buddy, your pastries are stale!

  Arthur : Right, but don't say buddy, just say ssss... sss... you're sss...

  Maurice : Your pastries are stale!

  Arthur : Yeah, you, your pastries are stale!

• Arthur : My point is, sir, that you would not know a good creampuff if it jumped up and licked you on the ass.

• [first lines] 

  Maurice : [as they discuss an act which they did]  I'm sorry.

  Arthur : You stole my death.

• Arthur : What a fool you are!

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : I am *not* a fool!

  Arthur : Oh, yes you are!

  Maurice : Sir, you really sholdn't talk to this gentleman that way. You like the cream puffs. I *don't* like the cream puffs.

  Arthur : FUCK THE CREAM PUFFS! THIS MAN IS A SLAVE AND AN IDIOT!

• Lily 'Lil' : [after hearing Arthur reminisce on Paris]  You know Paris quite well.

  Maurice : He's never been there.

  Arthur : Not physically.