Blast from the Past (1999)

Christopher Walken: Calvin

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [the doors have unlocked, and Helen and Adam are thrilled; Calvin slightly less so] 

  Adam : Do we just go on up?

  Calvin : No, son. Now is the time we must be at our most cautious. We wait for night.

  Helen : Oh, shit!

  [Helen, realizing Adam has heard her, immediately covers her mouth] 

  Calvin : Helen Thomas Webber! Maybe we have been down here a little too long. Pardon her French, son.

  Adam : "Shit" is French?

  Calvin : [uncomfortably]  Well, it's archaic French. It's a sixteenth century colloquialism, meaning, roughly, good.

  Helen : Your father's right.

  Adam : Well. "Shit"!

• Calvin : You have a wonderful sense of humor, son, I must say. The acorn does not fall far from the tree.

• Calvin : Son. Adam.

  Adam : Yes, Father?

  Calvin : Don't forget: stay out of the adult bookstore.

  Adam : Adult bookstore. Why?

  Calvin : Poison gas. Invisible.

• Adam, Age 11 : What's baseball?

  Calvin : It's a game, son. I can explain it pretty easily. See, there's a pitcher...

  Adam, Age 11 : Oh, like a painting.

  Calvin : No, a pitch-er.

  Adam, Age 11 : Like one of mom's?

  Calvin : No. There's a man who throws the ball to a man who has a bat.

  Adam, Age 11 : Oh! The nocturnal flying mammal?

• Adam : [Adam is with his parents at the new house]  Dad, I don't know how to tell you this. And I was going to wait a while, but I think... Dad, there was no bomb. A plane crashed into our backyard. I looked it up in old newspapers.

  Calvin : You're sure?

  Adam : Positive. The Soviet Union collapsed without a shot being fired. The Cold War is over.

  Calvin : That's what everybody believes?

  Adam : Yes, sir. It's true.

  Calvin : What? Did the politburo just one day say, "We give up?"

  Adam : Yes. That's kind of how it was.

  Calvin : Uh-huh.

  Calvin : My gosh, those Commies are brilliant! You've got to hand it to 'em! "No, we didn't drop any bombs! Oh yes, our evil empire has collapsed! Poor, poor us!" I bet they've even asked the West for aid! Right?

  Adam : Uh, I think they have.

  Calvin : Hah! Those cagey rascals! Those sly dissemblers! Those, uh... They've finally pulled the wool over everybody's eyes!

• Calvin : Would you like a tranquilizer?

  Helen : You have tranquilizers?

  Calvin : I told you, I have everything!

• [Calvin is reassuring his wife on their son's first night away from home] 

  Calvin : I just want to say, I think he's going to be fine.

  Helen : Thank you, Calvin, thank you very much.

  Calvin : He's smart!

  Helen : Yes, dear, I know, but he's still such a baby.

  Calvin : He's a man.

  Helen : He's a baby man.

• Adam : [During his first visit back home]  Mom, I think I'm being chased by a Psychiatrist.

  Helen : Oh no!

  Calvin : That happens.

• Helen : Oh, Calvin. I wish you'd at least let me do the dishes It's not going to be that easty to get all that dried on food off my nice plates.

  Calvin : I just hope those plates are not radioactive by tomorrow!

  Helen : Well, cheese is particularly troublesome.