The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police (1997–1998)

Rob Tinkler: Max

Quotes 

• Sam : The path of violence can never lead to harmony.

  Max : Now you're just being ridiculous.

• Max : I know, grab me by the ears!

  Sam : You are aware that there are children watching.

  Max : Just do it!

• Sam : No doubt she is absorbed in high-level closed door doings concerning a matter of the utmost urgency and import.

  Max : Either that, our she's taking a little potty break.

  Sam : That's what I said.

• [after demonstrating how to make a Max hand-puppet from a paper bag] 

  Max : Make a bunch, and use them to put on twisted puppet shows for the neighborhood kids which will affect them later in life. Use it to communicate ideas and concepts to people of other lands.

  Sam : Max's terrifying head is a universal symbol of something or other.

• Sam : Looky there, Max! It's a horde of murderous inner-dwellers.

  Max : When there are five or more, the correct term is a "clot."

• [Max pulls an enormous wrench out of his pouch] 

  Sam : Max! I didn't know you were a marsupial!

  Max : Me neither! Whatever that is...

• Max : [on Valentine's Day, Sam and Max's car is stolen. Tracking it down, they find a couple kissing in it]  Aaaaahhhh! It's being used as a make-out van, Sam! We'll have to burn out the interior!

• Sam : It seems people are disappearing on mass!

  Max : Oh my god, Sam! You said 'ON MASS'!

• Max : Oh my god, Sam! These people have gills! It's hideous and who would do such a thing and how do we get some?

• Sam : It was the stern, guiding voice of the Commissioner with just the right kind of hair-raising case we can wrap our overactive adrenal glands around!

  Max : Are you talking dirty?

• [every time a phone rings] 

  Sam , Max : I GOT IT! I GOT IT!

• Max : Our highly improbable plan worked, Sam.

• Sam : Maybe it was towed.

  Max : No, I think we nipped that problem in the bud when we shaved the guy at the towing yard. And his dad.

• Sam : That was the distinctive cry of a loon, mixed with the turbulent roar of the open sea.

  Max : The Commissioner, huh.

• Max : Cooperate and you will be slapped around without incident.

• Max : Sam's bothersome sense of do-gooderism is popping up like a bad rash.

• Max : Sounds like a good deed best left to someone who gives a hoot.

• Sam : So let me get this straight: we can breath here, then?

  Max : I guess those prissy, paranoid astronauts never had enough spine to try it.

  Sam : Ooh, I could never say that about an astronaut.