User Reviews

This is desperately trying to be a quirky Woody Allen movie but just doesn't quite have the pieces all there. There's some decent dialogue, but also a few really cringey parts that don't work. There's a nice focus on women, but a tendency to use tropes unoriginally. Still worth a watch as a low budget indie movie, but hardly a lost gem.

I turned this film on the other night on a pay channel and while I usually am a notorious channel surfer-I really stopped to watch this one. It is a typical story as the tag line indicates. We always don't love the one we "should" love, but you know, I think it's a "typical" story because it's one a lot of women, present company included, can identify with. I kept watching because I could really identify with this girl's conflicting feelings. And the topper to this film as far as I'm concerned is the star's voice. Iin the film she is a singer and she does a few numbers because she is auditioning.

I was absolutely BLOWN away by her voice and by the beautiful songs she sang. If for this reason only, watch! A real treat!

The 1998 film, "I Love You, Don't Touch Me" should have changed it's name to "I'm Garbage, Don't Watch Me." Despite this movie's flaws, it did manage to become, unquestionably, one of the worst films I have ever seen in my life...ever. Bad acting, horrible direction, and clichés every few lines of dialogue about the feminist female psyche make "I Love You..." not only bad, but painstakingly unwatchable as well. But hey, at least it had robotic, unfunny, campy dialogue working for it, right? Oh wait.

Here's another of those comedy/dramas about a single twentysomething woman wondering why her relationships don't work and why her life isn't what she wants. If that doesn't sound like your type of film I'd stay away because if anything our heroine in this one seems a little more neurotic than usual. But if it does sound like your thing, stick with this one, it gets better as it goes along.

Katie (Marla Schaffel) is 25 and conflicted, to say the least, about her desire to terminate her virginity. Writer/director Judy Davis leads us through all the ups and downs on her rocky road, and it's a mostly fine effort.

This film shows glimmers of talent, but strikes so many false notes that film and filmmaker lose all credibility.

It purports to be the story of 25-year-old, Katie, who -- although the product of what she views as the perfect relationship -- is so scarred by an early boyfriend's infidelity that she remains a virgin. One can only pray that, like many early film-making efforts, this isn't autobiographical.

This same repressed virgin has, as close friends, an exuberant (read, promiscuous) party girl and a buttoned-down perfectionist, neither of whom she appears to like very much. Her best friend, though, is the companionable Ben, who loves her, but whom she cannot picture in any romantic role. This doesn't stop her from a certain dog-in-the-manger attitude that arises after she sets him up with her party-girl pal.

This same repressed virgin, who believes sex without love is meaningless, gives it all up to a suave older man who has already made it abundantly clear to her that he goes through women like some go through dental floss.

None of these situations are unbelievable *per se*, but the writer-director gives none of them the space to develop naturally. We're supposed to believe that the suave older lover who has literally said and done ALL the right things throughout the relationship, would suddenly make a video-related misstep so monumental as to send the relationship down the path to its inevitable end. We're greeted with a behind-closed-doors wedding day revelation in the relationship of the perfectionist friend and her new husband that gets no set-up nor explanation. Katie, an aspiring singer, is deemed too out-of-touch to be able to convey emotion when auditioning for an egg jingle, but manages to put over a smoldering torch song a few days later, while in the same virginal state (although she IS feeling tempted, for apparently the first time).

Katie's own change-of-heart, at film's end, receives the same spliced-in treatment.

The film is very talky, which would be all right if the dialogue were believable, but mostly we're treated to Katie's self-righteous rants. It's hard to believe anyone would be friends with this neurotic prig.

Davis, the writer-director, shows some visual and conceptual talent in the film, but should probably stick to interpreting the visions of more gifted and insightful writers. The entire film smacked of film-school project, which still isn't really enough to redeem it.

This film harkens back to a time long past. About five minutes into the movie, I started thinking about my film school days, watching the sad projects of my classmates and trying to think of something nice to say about them. I couldn't find much here. This is about the quality of a 3rd year film school major, right before they drop out to study television.

Everything seemed familiar, as if I'd seen it all before in a better movie, and downright unbelievable. At one point, the main character happens upon her cheating boyfriend in bed with another woman in the middle of the day. There's nothing new here. Even the staging seems a copy. First I wonder, are they living together? Well, she's a virgin so probably not. Then, why is she barging into her boyfriend's apartment without knocking. Or, maybe it's her apartment, but what idiot would bring home another woman to his girlfriend's apartment in the middle of the day.

She storms out. Of course, the boyfriend grabs a ridiculous object to cover his groin as he runs out after her. In this case, it's a stuffed animal. He runs after her, yelling, "it was an accident!" Huh?

The main character just doesn't seem all that interesting. She says (I'm paraphrasing), "Why can't I find a guy with a strong sense of himself, a large penis, and a large wallet." Wow, do women really tell other women stuff like that? I guess I've been giving them too much credit. My girlfriend says they don't.

Who cares.

What happened to the end of this movie? Did the money suddenly run out? We're left hanging and there's no reasonable conclusion to the story. Had this unbelievable oversight been corrected, the movie could have merited at least another star, or perhaps two.

A crusty neurotic American woman seeks to find a local marriage-minded man with a big wallet and a big penis. Because it is not possible to care much for the lead character, viewers are unable to care for the plot as it unfolds. There is simply no hook. There is no line. This movie is a sinker!

This is an original comedy from a woman's point of view. The characters are all very real, not like in most movies where they feel written to be a certain way, here they seem like people who actually exist. Low budget, but still better than most romantic comedies out there. Good dialogue and great music.

This romantic comedy has excellent characters and dialog, and interesting relationships. While some of the plot situations are familiar (guy in love with girl who's not in love with him), the writing really sets this film apart from others of its genre.

I don't know how anyone rated this movie with more than 5 stars. I could see how the varying opinions of a collection of random people could merit at least one 5-star rating... but crap, people. I just got done with watching this low budget POS. If I wasn't distracted by ranking football players, I probably would have peeled my face off. The only saving grace to this movie was the cameo by "Lars" from "Heavyweights." I recommend peeling your face off BEFORE the movie. So here's the deal. Take the movie back if you already got it, and rent Heavyweights. OK, back to I love you, don't touch me. The acting was sub-par, and the music was a Lilith Fair compilation album. If you like bad music, and bad relationships, you'll love this movie... and poop.

This movie was absolutely DELIGHTFUL!!! To me, the fact that the first-time young writer-director, Ms. Julie Davis, has not received greater acceptance (i.e. WORK) in Hollywood, is a veritable TRAGEDY of Wellesian proportions!!! (i.e. "Wellesian" as in "Orson") The same holds true for the lead actress, Ms. Marla Schaffel.

I especially enjoyed reports that Ms. Davis was promoting this movie at the Sundance Film Festival by passing out underwear visibly imprinted with "I Love You", but also imprinted with an "invisible" glow-in-the-dark "Don't Touch Me". (What a WONDERFUL sense of humor!!)

This movie beautifully captures the essence of our search for true, meaningful love, with all of its pitfalls and dead-ends. How anyone could fail to LOVE it totally escapes me. The fact that per one reviewer, it was based in part on Ms. Davis' actual life experiences, only ADDS to its fascination. I used this movie as a "litmus test" for prospective mates: I would rent it, show it to her, and if she didn't like it, the affair was OVER!

I can't believe there are people out there that don't like this movie. It's great! I saw it on a lark and it's wormed it's way into my heart as being among my top 10 favorites. A lot of people compare Julie Davis to Woody Allen. Yes, that's true. But I also think she's a lot like Susan Seidelman. If you've ever seen Smithereens or Desperately Seeking Susan, you'd know what I'm talking about. The film has it all-comedy, great singing and heartfelt emotion. Yes, a lot of what this girl says and does contradicts itself-but that's life and that's what makes this film realistic. This film has an independent feel and is not "Hollywood" at all. The ending is a little pat, but I forgive it that. I anxiously await Ms. Davis next movie! If you see this on cable, watch!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regardless of what some of the more jaded and pseudo sophisticated critics may say this little film is not only charming, but it has a significant message to impart. A woman, who believes that she should care enough about herself not to give her virtue away to any or every Tom, Dick and Harry, is faced with the dilemma that life is passing her by while she awaits the man of her dreams.

She's 25 and has not yet surrendered her virginity despite the fact that she feels passionate about wanting to find someone who cares about her and who she cares about, too. Furthermore, the element of physical attraction must also be present, in the equation, otherwise she knows it just won't be right. One can blame Disney's romantic renderings, of the happily-ever-after prince and princess fairy tales, for the high standards this woman has. However, by the same token, morals enter into her viewpoint, as well, when dealing with married men who hit on her.

She's simply an idealist who writes and performs music, with longing and intensity, about what she wants and doesn't want to have to settle for less than the beauty of true love. Experiencing one fiasco after another she begins to see how impossible the perfection she's seeking is to achieve. She learns the lesson: "Be careful what you wish for," first hand. And it finally dawns on her that the man she was searching for is not the dramatically handsome, charismatic type, oozing with finesse and savoir-faire, but -instead- the somewhat nondescript and stalwart, supportive friend she's loved all along...

The ensemble of actors are uniformly real and believable in their parts. Michael Harris, in particular, playing a famous composer who equates women with food, is very attractive and sensitively seductive as the engaging cad who deflowers the leading lady. The tunes and lyrics, to the songs Marla Schaffel sings, are soulfully written and performed movingly, with great pathos. I highly recommend this film to everyone who has ever yearned for love and for those who continue to do so.