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Weak script, weak execution, another Sarno stinker
lor_6 May 2011
CRITICAL POSITIONS is another of Joe Sarno's very lame porn videos, this time made hiding out behind the Scandi pseudonym "Leif Knullar". Next up I'll be checking out Leif's MY PARTY DOLL, which IMDbers seem to like but that's not much of a recommendation.

Tasha Voux, who went on to collaborate behind the camera on many Sarno videos, stars as Dr. Ruth Cronkite, a sex researcher who selfishly is working on a four-year project to create the perfect stud. She plans to use him to gain control over wealthy & influential women in a megalomaniacal (and idiotic) plan for world domination. We're all informed of this by Voux, haltingly reading the cue cards.

Her meal ticket is Jack Ratner, played in usual tongue-in-cheek fashion by Ron Jeremy. Dr. Ruth hypnotizes him with a medallion, and has spent four years somehow getting his penis to grow (not defined how). Semi-conscious he's the stud, and later on we find out it's all been an act, Ratner playing along with the doc for obvious reasons.

Aiding her is nurse June Landers, blankly played by Charlene Cody. Dr. Ruth's male pal is John Provolone, a corrupt real estate developer who the doc helps get some influential contracts from the government. Socialite Elizabeth Martinson (guest star Brittany Morgan), an old college chum of Ruth's, is inveigled into signing those contracts, after being exposed to the sexual powers of big Ron.

This stupid plot, typical of Sarno's latter-day junkers (and released without a script credit, natch) takes maybe a minute or two of screen time, with nearly 90 minutes devoted to tedious, mechanical sex. My compulsion to sit through these 1-day wonders is perhaps inexplicable, but other Sarno or porn fans beware.

Poorly shot with harsh lighting on video, it delivers the absolute minimum, with most of the familiar Sarno tropes. There's just two cheap sets: a nondescript office for Dr. Ruth and an embarrassingly under-dressed bedroom set where all the sex takes place. Random interstitial shots of Brit or Tasha walking down a wintry NYC sidewalk are thrown in occasionally to break up the claustrophobic tedium.

Gals keep their high heels on during sex, and black stockings plus garter belts are de rigeur. One badly edited sequence switches Brit to red underthings and hose for variety's sake, but we get a shot of her in same the scene BEFORE she changes, and it ain't a flash-forward! With such a small cast, 3 girls and 2 guys, the sex is stretched ouu-t-t-t-t shamelessly, and fewer actual money shots are delivered than usual. Last reel twist and coda are insultingly stupid.

Other than Brittany, the women aren't very attractive; while Tasha's big, natural looking breasts and rosy nipples are briefly a turn-on, Sarno and his regular d.p. Sandy Beach don't exploit them properly with good camera angles and the like. Both Ron and Damien look tired in their walk-throughs, understandable considering how busy they were on screen at the time this was made.
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