Terror Firmer (1999)

Trent Haaga: Jerry

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry : Hey Ward, according to these new revisions, Toxie finds out that the chemical company responsible for turning him into the Toxic Avenger was called Junk-O Chemicals.

  Ward : No way!

  Jerry : Way! It turns out that it was owned by his late father who made this plant which made Toxie sick which is why he commited suicide, and Toxie never even knew it!

  Casey : All these revisions... it's absolutely ridiculous.

  Jerry : I'm sorry, what?

  Casey : We change the script every day. It completely changes everything in the story.

  Jerry : Yes. You can do whatever you want to at Troma. It's this shit in which the best chaos emerges.

  Casey : How can you like this offensive garbage anyway?

  Jerry : Because it is offensive. Sometimes pissing people off is the only reason to get them to look at shit.

  [the Mad Cow Boy standing nearby yells 'moo'] 

  Jerry : See? Even Mad Cow Boy agrees.

• Old Man Phil : Larry Benjamin was the first director to deal with the subject of AIDS way back in 1985.

  Casey : Right, you call having a mindless nymphet getting raped by an evil general with AIDS is dealing with the subject?

  Jerry : Right. What's best about it is that you can order that movie and all of Benjamin's older movies on VHS.

  Old Man Phil : And on DVD with a director's commentary.

  Jerry : Safely and securely on-line or through telephone or mail order.

  [the Mad Cow Boy yells 'moo'] 

  Old Man Phil : What's that Mad Cow Boy? You want the Internet address? It's www.Troma.com.

  [the caption reading 'http://www.troma.com OR CALL 1-800-83-TROMA' appears on the screen] 

• Ward : Ew, Jerry you distgusting freak, get away from me with all that stuff.

  Jerry : Aw, come on Ward. Don't tell me this little nosebleed is bothering you a little.

  Ward : Not at much as your ugly face. Why do you get into this stuff anyway?

  Jerry : Why do you always look at the crack of a man's ass and think "lunch time"?

  Ward : No wonder I loose my appetite when I look at you... sicko. Look at these people. They're miserable.

  Jerry : Hey, hey, listen tushy pusher, I love my job. I don't even get paid to be here. In fact, I would pay to be here. So if these people don't like it here, they can just get the fuck out.

• Jerry : Hey look, wouldn't you know it? I missed a spot with the blood. Blood boy! Blood boy!

  Casey : You know Jerry, there are many ways to express oneself other then saying "more blood, more blood"!

  Jerry : Okay, I could express myself a bit more physically by giving you a nice PUNCH in the fucking lungs! How would you like that?

  Casey : You shouldn't hit me.

  Jerry : Oh, and why is that?

  Casey : Well, because...

  [Casey suddenly grabs Jerry and throws him against a wall and lifts him by his collar a few feet off the floor] 

  Casey : You'll be nothing but a bloody heap of quivering pasty white flesh lying on the ground begging for your mama! Would you like that?

  Jerry : [terrified]  No...

• Jerry : [applying plaster to Yaeger the naked P.A]  Okay, Yaeger one more layer. Great! Now in 10 minutes when it's dry, we'll have a perfect mold of your head. Now, it's very important that you don't move, breath, blink or do anything. Hello? Can you hear me? Give me a signal!

  [the naked P.A. flips his middle finger at Jerry and mumbles something incoherently] 

  Jerry : Okay, great! Gotta go. I'll be back in 10 minutes. Gotta go see a man about a severed leg.