- [Dalziel is playing the part of God in a religious "mystery" play. During the first rehearsal, he receives an urgent phone call about a case he is working on, and turns to go. Eileen Anstiss, the director, is not pleased]
- Eileen Anstiss: Where are you going?
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: Your Lucifer's in the shit again.
- Eileen Anstiss: But you *can't* go.
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: Didn't you know? God's transcendant. Ask the canon. It's his department. God's everywhere, so I'll still be here even after I've gone.
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: You searched Swain's house this morning. Find any drugs?
- DC Seymour: Drugs? No-one said anything about drugs.
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: No-one said anything about Barbary apes, but if you'd seen a couple of them fornicating on the kitchen table, likely you would have mentioned it.
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: Who said that?
- Det. Insp. Peter Pascoe: Henrik Ibsen. You know him?
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: I saw him play once... he scored a hat-trick against Leeds.
- [Dalziel wants Philip Swain to tell him the truth this time, and to change the statement he has already given]
- Philip Swain: I have nothing to add to the statement I signed earlier. I'll sign it again if you like.
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: You can sign a cheque twice - it won't stop it bouncing.
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: I always think doughnuts are better than sex - a surprise in every bite, and they don't talk back at you.
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: Who said that?
- Hedda: Henrik Ibsen. You know him?
- Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel: I saw him play once... he scored a hattrick against Leeds.