The Specials (2000)

Paget Brewster: Ms. Indestructible

Quotes 

• Ms. Indestructible : Every morning I look down and I'm wearing boots with lightning bolts on them and I think... where did I make the wrong turn?

• The Strobe : It just would've been nice to have gotten a little backup from my wife, that's all.

  Ms. Indestructible : I didn't wanna hear the story. I've heard that story more than anyone in the world. And Amok didn't want to hear it, either.

  The Strobe : Well, here's a news flash for you: Amok? He's a fucking asshole.

  Ms. Indestructible : You should watch out, Ted. You know, someone could be secretly recording this. They could sell it to "Inside Edition" and then children all over the world would start saying "fucking asshole." Only it would really be you saying "fucking asshole." Or would that be God, since you're a part of God?

  The Strobe : Why do you mock me?

  Ms. Indestructible : Because...

  The Strobe : What you're doing is mocking me and everything that I am. My whole worldview. You know what you're doing? You're just... you're saying that... that it's a little worm.

  Ms. Indestructible : What?

  The Strobe : Yeah. Yeah, little worm that lives between somebody's toes. A big fat guy's toes. Or-Or maybe grows out of a rock.

  Ms. Indestructible : Worms don't grow out of rocks, Ted!

  The Strobe : Well, excuse me, Emily, if "rockworm" isn't clever enough for you. But you just insulted me. And you did it in front of the group.

  [sarcastic] 

  The Strobe : Thank you.

• The Strobe : [greeting Nightbird]  As a Special, you'll experience all sorts of exotic wonders. In Africa, we discovered a tribe of pygmies that feasted upon a harmless human baby.

  Ms. Indestructible : It wasn't a baby.

  The Strobe : It was a baby.

  Ms. Indestructible : No, Ted, it was a rabbit that they'd shaved and you thought it was a baby.

  The Strobe : I saw its fingers.

• Ms. Indestructible : I'd like to introduce you to Eight. Eight separate bodies with a single mind. Eight is actually one person who can be in eight different places at the same time.

  Nightbird : Well, I haven't seen them.

  Ms. Indestructible : It's "him," actually. And that's because he refuses to do publicity.

  Eight : [one of his other bodies takes a bite of a donut]  This donut is delicious.

  Nightbird : Cool. I wish I had another me.

• The Weevil : Some of you may be wondering "How did the Specials come to be?". Well, the group was the brainchild of Ted and Tim Tilderbrook, better known to the world as the Strobe and Minute Man.

  Power Chick : The original five were friends before being teammates. Ted and Tim - he was Minute Boy back then - Ms. Indestructible, the Weevil, and Stretchy Boy!

  Ms. Indestructible : Stretchy Boy joined the group when we were around for, uh... about what, a year?

  Minute Man : About a year.

  Ms. Indestructible : Stretchy Boy had stretching powers. It's a... it's a pretty common superpower where he was from, up in the northwestern states.

  Minute Man : Tacoma.

  Ms. Indestructible : Something about the fluoridation in the water.

  Minute Man : Yeah. Unfortunately, the same chemicals that gave him his superpowers gave him a type of mouth cancer and he was dead in six months. The same thing happened to Captain Elastic, Flagpole Lad...

  Ms. Indestructible : Gooey Stan.

  Minute Man : Like a Holocaust of rubbery people.

  The Weevil : Our next member was Mr. Smart, who claimed to be the world's most intelligent man.

  Power Chick : Then came Eight, the hero with eight faces. Some claim the CIA was behind the mysterious fusion of eight consciousnesses into one.

  The Weevil : Eight was followed in rapid succession by U.S. Bill and his superstrength.

  Power Chick : The anti-matter-blasting bad boy, Amok.

  The Weevil : And Power Chick, who has the ability to mutate her body into any material that she touches, whether it be wood, metal, or heck, a Fruit Roll-Up.

  Power Chick : I'd be yummy then. Next came Deadly Girl, who has the ability to enter the world of the dead and then reappear anywhere she wants.

  The Weevil : And the shape-shifting Alien Orphan, whose ship crash-landed on Earth. Alien Orphan's body was originally a green globule. But little by little, our extraterrestrial pal has been able to take on what's essentially a human form.

  Power Chick : This is the group that has had such keen victories as recently saving the island province of San Felipe from a flock of murderous pterodactyls, and last fall, stopping the Anal Slug from ruining the lives of any more senior citizens.

  The Weevil : And so now, we boldly enter a new chapter in Specials history. I, for one, have a feeling that Stretchy Boy is smiling from above. Or he... he would be if... if he had a mouth.

• Ms. Indestructible : [on the telephone]  Why would we have nude photographs of our ex-members on file?

  Mr. Smart : New girl's here. I found her peeking through the windows in the back.

  Ms. Indestructible : You wouldn't want one of those.

  The Strobe : Mr. Smart, what is that intriguing device sitting upon your nose?

  Ms. Indestructible : 'Cause I've seen Valiant Lass naked and she has a vestigial penis.

• Ms. Indestructible : [the Strobe replaces a portrait of their wedding day on the wall]  Ted, that's coming down.

  The Strobe : It's me. It's from a fan.

• The Strobe : Don't think that your Weevil agility can outrun my lasers, pal! If I wanted to, I could cut your head off and then do some intricate welding and slicing with your guts!

  The Weevil : What? Get... get the cameras out of here!

  Minute Man : Will you get the cameras out of here? Tony, what'd you do to him?

  The Weevil : I didn't do anything!

  Ms. Indestructible : Ted, let's go home. Let's talk about this...

  The Strobe : I don't know where your home is, lady, but it's not with me.

  Deadly Girl : What did you do to him?

  Ms. Indestructible : This is none of your business.

  Deadly Girl : He's my friend.

  Ms. Indestructible : He's my husband!

  The Weevil : Ted, just... just tell us what's wrong.

  The Strobe : What's wrong? You mean beyond the fact that you're fucking my wife?

  [Deadly Girl punches Ms. Indestructible in the eye, hard] 

• U.S. Bill : This is the part where I go home.

  The Weevil : Night, Bill.

  Ms. Indestructible : Bye.

  U.S. Bill : I can't tell you where I'm going. It's a secret.

  The Weevil : Yeah.

  U.S. Bill : I know the curiosity must be killing you. Who is he? But I can't tell you. That's my privilege.

  The Weevil : [sarcastic]  It is killing me, but I'm gonna make it.

  U.S. Bill : We're not supposed to come in tomorrow, are we?

  Ms. Indestructible : Unless we get this straightened out, you should just sleep in.

• The Weevil : You know in the last Rolling Stone costumed-hero poll, I was voted...

  Ms. Indestructible : Most witty.

  The Weevil : The world loves me and you married Ted. It's funny how you always want what the other guy has.

• Ms. Indestructible : Shelly?

  Nightbird : I'm turning my suit in.

  Ms. Indestructible : It's not a badge.

  Nightbird : I have to go.

  Ms. Indestructible : Maybe we can convince Ted to forget this.

  Nightbird : No, I don't want to. I came here to fight evil, and... and all any of you people ever think about is having sex and your egomanias and selling your toys.

• Ms. Indestructible : I didn't know you were here.

  The Strobe : I was just... sorting through some files. In light of the... group's break-up. If you wanna help, this pile pertains to the building fund. And this pile pertains to the group payroll.

  Ms. Indestructible : Ted... what's your plan?

  The Strobe : The group's fini. Finito. Vertig.

  Ms. Indestructible : Uh, I mean...

  The Strobe : I was saying "finished" in different languages.

  Ms. Indestructible : I know. I meant regarding me.

  The Strobe : Oh. Well, I realized last night in a heart-to-heart conversation with Eight...

  Ms. Indestructible : Oh, Christ.

  The Strobe : That I'm vain and self-absorbed. For God's sakes, Emily, "I think I'm chosen by God"?

  Ms. Indestructible : I'm sorry.

  The Strobe : I'm a buffoon.

  Ms. Indestructible : No, Ted...

  The Strobe : It must be hell to be married to me.

  Ms. Indestructible : I am sorry.

  The Strobe : But I think it's a hell that you deserve. I've decided that the best revenge I could ever exact upon you would be to accept you back into the marriage.

  Ms. Indestructible : Ted, uh...

  The Strobe : You blame your actions with Weevil on my emotional distance? Oh, you... you will learn the true meaning of emotional distance.

• Mr. Smart : Am I supposed to come in?

  Ms. Indestructible : Yes, you're supposed to come in.

  The Strobe : He's not supposed to come in.

  Ms. Indestructible : Get your ass out of bed and get over here.

  Mr. Smart : Excuse me, but...

  The Strobe : [Emily hangs up]  Hmm.

  Minute Man : [coming in with Deadly Girl]  Good morning.

  Ms. Indestructible : [seeing they're dressed in their previous day's clothes]  Did you two sleep together last night?

  Deadly Girl : Is oral sex sleeping together?

  Ms. Indestructible : Yes.

  Deadly Girl : I see.

  [dropping a box on the table] 

  Deadly Girl : Donuts for everyone!

  Nightbird : [coming in]  Hi.

  Deadly Girl : Shelly.

  Nightbird : I'm back.

  Mr. Smart : [coming in]  All right! I'm here, I'm here. I'm sorry I'm late.

  The Strobe : Late for nothing. She should have never asked you to come in.

  Minute Man : Why aren't you wearing any pants?

  Mr. Smart : [looking down]  Oh, God. This is what happens when you scream at me on the phone. I'm sensitive. My overdeveloped mind is attuned to things you could never imagine.

  Deadly Girl : Has anyone noticed Mr. Smart has an enormous package?

  Mr. Smart : My father, too, had a large penis.

• Ms. Indestructible : I guess in the end, I-I belong in the Specials. I don't... I'm not happy here. I'd be happier somewhere else. I... much happier. But, um... this is where I belong.

• Ms. Indestructible : The Pentagon's been taken over by giant ants. The Annihalators are in Europe, the Trio are on Saturn and the Crusaders are caught up on their press tour. We're the only ones left.