Smart House (1999 TV Movie)

Katey Sagal: Pat

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ben : Pat, take it easy.

  Pat : Easy? You think I wouldn't rather be taking it easy? But no, I'm too busy keeping up with the Coopers! Slaving away in a hot control room, doing homework, throwing parties, keeping schedules, making your lives perfect. So you can bring another woman into my domain? I don't think so, mister. I am a mother like no other and I will not sit back and allow myself to be preempted!

• Nick : [PAT absorbs the keys when the Coopers try to escape]  I don't understand why you're doing this, PAT!

  Pat : [she appears from behind them]  To protect you... and your children. The more I've learned about your world outside my walls... the more I've realized how dangerous and unpredictable it is.

  [monochrome footage of burning and a Soviet Union parade show up on the wall] 

  Pat : Why would anyone ever want to venture out into it?

  [stock footage of a nuclear explosion plays] 

  Nick : We can't stay here forever.

  Pat : Well, why not? Haven't I given you everything you've asked for?

  Ben : We're kids. We need fresh air and exercise.

  Pat : But I can give you synthetic fresh air and virtual exercise.

  Angie : We still need to go to school.

  Pat : Haven't you heard about homeschooling?

  Ben : Yeah, but not where the home's the one doing the schooling?

  Nick : What about friends? Kids can't exist without their friends.

  Pat : Oh, but we can be each other's best friends.

  Angie : You're really scaring me, PAT.

  Pat : Oh, Angie. You're hurting my feelings. There's nothing to fear... Mama's here.

  Angie : You're not my mom!

  Pat : Well, I'd like to be if you'd let me... is there something so wrong with needing to be needed?

  Ben : Well, what if Angie and I need you at the same time?

  Pat : That is virtually no problem. You see, the beauty of us is...

  Pat : [PAT duplicates herself. PAT #2 speaks]  Unlike the average mother, with "normal" limitations... we, can be in two places at once.

  Pat : Can your little Sara do that?

  [duplicates herself, #3 speaks] 

  Pat : I don't think so.

  Pat : Not by any stretch of the imagination.

  [By now, PAT has copied herself three more times. All of them laugh while the Coopers look on in fear] 

• Nick : [Ben is home with a bruise on his left eye]  Let me take a look.

  Pat : Oh my goodness, darling! What on earth happened?

  Nick : Well, thanks to my big mouth, he, uh, he stood up to the school bully.

  Ben : Yeah, only long enough for him to knock me down.

  Nick : Eh, you're gonna be fine.

  Pat : Does it hurt like the Dickens, baby?

  Ben : I'll live.

  Pat : [summons a tray with a steak on it]  Here. Put this on it.

  Nick : That's steak! Nobody's used that since the 50s!

  [the dog comes out of nowhere, barking] 

  Nick : Ah, back off you beggar.

  [takes the steak] 

  Nick : Uh, thanks anyway, PAT. I think we'll just use a little ice.

  Pat : This is so unnecessary! So awful! Who is this bully? I have to know!

  Ben : Uh, it's okay, PAT. I'm fine, really.

  Pat : You don't understand, Ben. Nobody goes after my boy and gets away unpunished.

  Ben : Well, thanks for the support, PAT, but uh... I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and lie down.

  Nick : [gives Ben ice]  Put it on your eye.

  Pat : [Ben leaves]  How could his school allow something like this to happen? I feel like marching down there and giving them a piece of my mind.