Zoolander (2001)
Christine Taylor: Matilda Jeffries
Photos
Quotes
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Matilda : Derek that was unbelievable!
Derek Zoolander : I know! I turned left!
Matilda : Yeah, that too, but Derek, you saved the prime minister of Malaysia!
Derek Zoolander : Oh, right, cool.
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Derek Zoolander : Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda : Honestly?
Hansel : Yes.
Matilda : I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel : I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?
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Matilda : I've been trying to reach you for a week.
Derek Zoolander : A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda : That was last Friday.
Derek Zoolander : Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?
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Matilda : When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander : Ew!
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J.P. Prewitt : The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
Derek Zoolander : Mugatu!
J.P. Prewitt : [pauses] Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln in. The first model/actor! Dallas. 1963. John F. Kennedy.
Matilda : Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.
J.P. Prewitt : You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the Grassy Knoll sure as shit were!
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Derek Zoolander : Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career."
Matilda : Do what for a career?
Derek Zoolander : Be professionally good looking.
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Derek Zoolander : Or are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?
Matilda : A what?
Derek Zoolander : A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals.
[Matilda looks at Derek confused]
Derek Zoolander : Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?
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Derek Zoolander : You mean, you haven't...
Matilda : Done it in a while, yeh.
Hansel : Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?
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Matilda : What time is it?
Derek Zoolander : Almost five.
Matilda : What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys...
Hansel : Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."
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Derek Zoolander : Look, I think I know what this is about and I'm complimented but not interested.
Matilda : What?
Derek Zoolander : I can't sleep with you OK? My head is killing me...
Matilda : What are you talking about?
Derek Zoolander : OK, if you just want to fool around or...
Matilda : WAIT! I don't want to sleep with you!
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Matilda : [to Katinka] By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale!
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Derek Zoolander : Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.
Matilda : What?
Derek Zoolander : A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?
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Matilda : [to Derek] He had to pull his underwear out of his butt to beat you!
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Matilda : I became...
Hansel : What?
Matilda : Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander : You can read minds?
Matilda : It's where you throw up after every meal!
Derek Zoolander : [laughing] Matilda! Matilda! SO WHAT? I've thrown up after *lots* of meals!
Hansel : Yeah! It's a great way to lose pounds before a show!
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Derek Zoolander : What? Are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?
Matilda : A what?
Derek Zoolander : A eugoogoolizer... you know one who speaks at funerals.
[Matilda looks at Derek confused]
Derek Zoolander : Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?
