- Richie and Eddie, a perverted loser and his alcoholic partner-in-crime, run the worst hotel in Britain: the Guest House Paradiso.
- Richard "Richie" Twat and Edward "Eddie" Elizabeth Ndingombaba are two losers who run Guest House Paradiso, the worst hotel in the UK. Guest House Paradiso is next-door to a nuclear-power plant, The chef is a illegal immigrant and the waiter escaped from a mental-health facility. Once the guests check in, they are dying to check out. Richie and Eddie's luck is about to change when Italian film star Gina Carbonara checks in, attempting to hide from her horrible fiancé Gino Bolognese, and the Nice family checks in and Richie discovers that Mr. and Mrs. Nice have a rubber bra and underpants. But all hell breaks loose when Richie and Eddie serve radioactive fish to the guests for supper and the guests become very ill; meanwhile, Gino has tracked down Gina.—Daniel Williamson
- Richie Twat and Eddie Ndingumbaba are running the nastiest, smelliest, most squalid hotel in the world and things aren't going to plan. They aren't making any money. The illigal immigrant Chef's has eaten all the food and most of the guests have left without paying!
But things seem better when the Nice family arrives. Mum, Dad and kids are hoping for a peaceful fun holiday but get more than they bargained for! Things start to hot up when Richie finds some exotic underwear and gets trapped in an oven! And then the arrival of sexy Italian movie star Gina Crabonara soon has them planning how to win her heart!
Sadly for the guys, Gina's jilted and slightly psychotic fiancee is in hot persuit! Can they persuade Gina he's not right for her? There's also something decidedly iffy about the fish Richie finds on the road to serve to the guests for tea!
With guests vomiting and violent Gino coming after them, Richie and Eddie are going to need a miracle to escape in one piece!
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