Leslie Nielsen's Bad Golf Made Easier (1993 Video)

Leslie Nielsen: Leslie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leslie Nielsen : The difference between a $1 ball and a $3 ball is $2.

• Leslie Nielsen : I don't play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good.

• Leslie Nielsen : Always limp with the same leg for the entire round.

• Leslie Nielsen : Billy, if the ball moves when you swing, then it costs you a stroke. But if only the Earth moves, then, according to all of the laws of physics, the Earth, which is also a ball, albeit a very large one, then the Earth is charged a one stroke penalty.

• Leslie Nielsen : It's always the caddie's fault!

• Leslie Nielsen : Whatever you think you're doing wrong, that's the one thing you're doing right.

• Leslie Nielsen : There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice.

• Leslie Nielsen : When a foursome is on the green, "Fore" is not an excuse, "So what?" is not an apology, and "Up yours" is not an explanation.

• Leslie Nielsen : The statute of limitations on forgotten strokes is two holes.

• Leslie Nielsen : Never take lessons from your father, never teach your wife to play golf, and never play your son for money.

• Leslie Nielsen : There are three key movements in golf: Keep your head down, keep your stupid head down, keep your damn stupid head down!

• Leslie Nielsen : Never mention in front of a club professional that you need a new set of clubs, and never buy a putter until you've first had a chance to throw it.

• Leslie Nielsen : [Leslie walks through a bathroom]  Unless you're already bald, never use the comb in the blue fluid.

• Leslie Nielsen : [recurring line]  Keep your cool, Billy.

• Leslie Nielsen : [Billy is trying to hit his ball out of a sand trap]  Billy, the reason the game is called "golf" is because all of the other four-letter words have been taken.

• Leslie Nielsen : A sure way to hit a par is to leave a four foot birdie putt two inches from the hole.

• Leslie Nielsen : Much of a wait for a tee time?

  Starter : Five hours.

• Leslie Nielsen : [final line]  Golfers who never cheat, also lie.

• Leslie Nielsen : When you stop your backswing at the top to look at the position of your hands, there are two things you learn: How many hands you have, and which hand has the glove on it.