On Location (TV Series)

Carlin at Carnegie (1983)

George Carlin: Self

Quotes 

• George Carlin : As a child I was what is known as a "fussy eater." 'He's fussy! He's a fussy eater!' "Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "Big pain in the ass."

• George Carlin : I remember something my third grade teacher used to say. She used to say "You show me a tropical fruit, and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala."

  [laughter] 

  George Carlin : No, wait... that wasn't her. That was a guy I met in the Army. I always get those two mixed up.

• George Carlin : Flammable, inflammable & nonflammable... Why are there three? Don't you think that two ought to serve the purpose? I mean either the thing flams or it doesn't!

• George Carlin : Hello, my name is George Carlin, and I am a professional comedian. As opposed to the kind you see at work all day long.

• [On criminals who say "Don't try anything funny"] 

  George Carlin : When they're not looking, I like to go

  [Makes a funny gesture] 

• George Carlin : You know how you can tell when a moth farts? He flies in a straight line.

• George Carlin : Tippy, WHY DID YOU FART?

• [the "seven dirty words"] 

  George Carlin : The original list was shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits. That's all I could think of in one sitting.