- [Rowdy Roddy Piper has just pulled Jake "The Snake" Roberts off of Ric Flair]
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: I never thought I'd say this, but thank you Piper. It's a kilt. It's not a skirt, it's a kilt.
- [Piper then nails Flair]
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: You no good creep! You skirt-wearing freak! It's not a kilt, it's a skirt.
- Gorilla Monsoon, Announcer: The Barbarian doesn't like Flair.
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: The Barbarian doesn't like anybody. When I managed him, he barely liked *me*.
- Gorilla Monsoon, Announcer: No one ever, in the history of the Royal Rumble, has drawn No. 1-5 and been there at the end.
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: Oh, shut up!
- [Ric Flair, Mr. Perfect and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan are celebrating Flair's title win in the Royal Rumble]
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: We hate to say we told you so, but...
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer, Mr. Perfect: We told you so!
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: You have to remember. Virgil once had that million dollar belt. Of course he stole it, but he still had it.
- Gorilla Monsoon, Announcer: Oh, give me a break.
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: Virgil entered at what, 23? I mean, who knows how many bags he's been through in the back?
- Gorilla Monsoon, Announcer: Would you stop?
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: I'm soaking wet. I need a drink. Hey you, stupid! Get me something with a kick!
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: [Upon seeing Ric Flair come out #3 in the Royal Rumble] No!
- Gorilla Monsoon, Announcer: Ohhhhh!
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: Damn it!
- Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Announcer: Oh, you can kiss it goodbye, Brain!
- Roddy Piper: [Backstage Promo on the Mountie] Well, what we're dealing with is one of the *original* Village People here, with his manager Jimmy Hart, who keeps kissing the belt leaving all that lipstick on it. I heard the Mountie out here saying
- [mocks Mountie's speech]
- Roddy Piper: "first thing I'm gonna do," pounds his chest, I don't know him, he's something.
- [continues mocking Mountie]
- Roddy Piper: "First thing I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take Piper's integrity!" Sounds like Jacques Cousteau trying to find a dry spot in the ocean. I ain't go no damn integrity! How do think I got so far?
- [Mocks Mountie again]
- Roddy Piper: "Second thing I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take Roddy Piper's manhood!" Huh? I come here to fight! I don't know what *you* come here to *do*! I come here to win *two* titles - I can't do that 'til I win the first one! I think you've been dreamin' and I think it's been all *wet* too.