Ice Age (2002)

Ray Romano: Manfred

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Quotes 

• [passing a Stonehenge-like structure] 

  Manfred : Modern architecture. It'll never last.

• Manfred : Okay, you. Check for poop.

  Sid : Hey, why am I the poop-checker?

  Manfred : Because returning the runt was your idea, because you're small and insignificant, and because I'll pummel you if you don't.

  Sid : ...Why else?

  Manfred : NOW, Sid!

• Manfred : Diego, spit that out. You don't know where it's been.

• Dodo : This is our private stockpile for the Ice Age. Sub arctic temperatures will force us underground for a billion, billion years.

  Manfred : So you got three melons?

• Sid : [about the baby]  I bet he's hungry.

  Manny : How 'bout some milk?

  Sid : Ooh, I'd love some!

  Diego : Not you. The baby.

  Sid : Well, I ain't exactly lactating right now, pal.

  Diego : You're a little low on the food chain to be mouthing off, aren't you...

  Manny : [in a shout that echoes]  ENOUGH!

• Sid : From now on, you'll have to refer to me as "Sid, Lord of the Flame."

  Manfred : Hey, Lord of the Flame, your tail's on fire.

• Diego : "Us"? You two are a bit of an odd couple.

  Manfred : There is no "us"!

  Diego : I see. Couldn't have one of your own, so you decided to adopt.

• [Sid's trying to use the baby to get attention from girls] 

  Sid : I'm begging you. I need him.

  Manny : What, a good-looking guy like you?

  Sid : Aw, you say that, but you don't mean it.

  Manny : No, seriously, look at you. Aw, those ladies, they don't stand a chance.

  Sid : You have a very cruel sense of humor.

• Sid : My feet are sweating.

  Diego : Do we need a news flash every time your body does something?

  Manfred : He's doing it for attention, just ignore him.

• Manfred : If you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful.

• Carl : [to Sid]  Look, we're gonna break your neck so you don't feel a thing. How's that?

  Manfred : Wait a minute. I thought rhinos were vegetarians.

  Sid : An excellent point!

  Manfred : Shut up.

  Carl : Who says we're gonna eat him after we kill them?

  Frank : Yeah, come on, move it.

  Manfred : You know, I don't like animals that kill for pleasure.

  Carl : Save it for a mammal that cares.

  Sid : I'm a mammal that cares!

• Manfred : Hey, buddy, want a lift?

  Diego : No, thanks. I'm saving what little dignity I've got left.

  Sid : You're hanging out with us now, pal. Dignity has nothing to do with it.

• Sid : So she picks this hair off my shoulder, and says, "If you're gonna have a second mating dance, at least pick a sloth with the same color pelt." And I'm thinkin', "Whoa! She's gonna go praying-mantis on me." Know what I'm saying?

  Manny : Hey, if you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful. Now get away from me.

• Diego : [playing peek-a-boo]  Where's the baby?... There he is!

  [the baby's only reaction is blinking; it is so startled it's quieted] 

  Diego : Where's the baby?... there he is!

  Manny : [the baby begins crying again]  Stop it, you're scaring him!

• [on Sid's clumsy attempts to scale a cliff] 

  Manfred : You're an embarrassment to nature. Ya know that?

• Dodo : If you weren't smart enough to plan ahead, then doom on you.

  Other Dodos : [chanting]  Doom on you. Doom on you. Doom on you. Doom on...

  Manfred : Get away from me.

• [Sid and the baby are fighting] 

  Manfred : Don't make me reach back there.

  Sid : He started it.

  Manfred : I don't care who started it. I'll finish it.

• Manfred : [watching the dodos]  Hey, look at that. Dinner and a show.

• [Sid is drawing a sloth with chalk] 

  Diego : What are you doing?

  Sid : I'm putting sloths on the map.

  Manfred : Why don't you make him more realistic and draw him lying down?

  Diego : And make him rounder.

  [Manfred draws a pot-belly on Sid's drawing] 

  Diego : Perfect.

  Sid : Ha, ha. I forgot how to laugh.

• Sid : [catching up to Manfred and Diego, he sits down on the top of a geyser]  Hey, thanks for waiting.

  Diego , Manfred : Three, two, one...

  [the geyser erupts, and sends Sid shooting up into the sky] 

  Manfred : Sure is faithful.

  [Sid lands with his head in the geyser] 

• Manfred : [to Sid]  Let's get something straight, okay? There's no "we". There never *was* a "we". In fact, without "me", there wouldn't even be a "you"!

• Manfred : Here's your little bundle of joy. We're returning it to the humans.

  Sid : Awww, the big bad tigey-wigey gets left behind. Poor Tigey-Wigey.

  Manfred : Sid, Tigey-Wigey's gonna lead the way.

  Sid : Uh, Manny, can I-can I-can I talk to you for a second?

  Manfred : [passing]  No. The sooner we get to Glacier Pass, the sooner I get rid of Mr. Stinky Droolface. And the baby, too.

  Diego : You won't always have Jumbo around to protect you. And when that day comes, I suggest you watch your back... 'cause I'll be chewing on it.

  Manfred : Hey, über-tracker. Up front where I can see you.

  Sid : ...Help me.

• Diego : Why did you do that? You could've died trying to save me.

  Manfred : That's what you do in a herd: you look out for each other.

  Diego : Well... thanks.

• Manny : AAAH.

  Diego : AAAH.

  Sid : AAAH.

  Roshan : WHEE.

• Sid : Can I hang out with you?

  Manfred : Sure. Climb on my back and relax the whole way.

  Sid : Really?

  Manfred : No.

• Sid : [Dragging a stick]  Phew. I'm wiped out.

  Manfred : That's your shelter?

  Sid : Hey, you're a big guy, you got a lot of wood. I'm a little guy.

  Manfred : You got half a stick.

  Sid : Yes, but with this little stick and my highly-evolved brain...

  [accidentally pokes himself in the eye with stick] 

  Sid : Ow... I shall create -

  [snaps it in half] 

  Sid : fire.

  Manfred : Fascinating.

  Sid : We'll see if brains triumph over brawn tonight, now won't we?

  [Later, Sid is trying to light a fire in the rain, while Manfred is dry under his shelter] 

  Manfred : Hey, I think I saw a spark.

• Manfred : Yeah, well, I'm still trying to get rid of the last thing I saved.

• [Diego makes a huge jump] 

  Sid : I wish I could jump like that.

  Manfred : [kicking Sid]  Wish granted.

• Manfred : [to Scrat]  Hey, buddy. Have you seen any humans go by here?

  [Scrats mimes charade game] 

  Sid : Ooh, ooh, ooh! I love this game, I love this game! Let's see. First word...

  [Scrat mimes packing down snow] 

  Sid : Stomp. No, Stamp.

  Manfred : Let me try. Um... pack.

  [Scrats nods] 

  Sid : Good one, Manny.

  [Scrat acts like a sabertooth] 

  Sid : Second word, long teeth... and claws. Pack of wolves? Pack of...

  Manfred : Pack of bears?

  Sid : No.

  Manfred : Pack of fleas?

  Sid : [Scrat points at Diego]  Pack of whiskers? Pack of noses?

  Manfred : Pachyderm!

  Sid : Pack of lies? Pack of troubles?

  [Diego swats Scrat and sends him flying] 

  Sid : Pack a wallop? Pack of birds! Pack of flying fish!

• Manfred : Oh, isn't there someone else you can annoy? Friends? Family? Poisonous reptiles?

• Manfred : Don't you have some poor, defenseless animal to disembowel?

• Manfred : Okay, listen, if either of you two can make it across that sinkhole in front of you, the sloth is yours.

  Sid : That's right, you losers! You take one step and you're dead.

  [Sid throws a rock, which bounces across the "sinkhole" without leaving so much as a crack] 

  Sid : You were bluffing, huh?

  Manfred : Yeah. Yeah, that was a bluff.

• Manfred : Hey, he's wearing one of those baby-thingies.

  Sid : So?

  Manfred : So, if he poops, where does it go?

  Sid : ...Humans are disgusting.

• Manfred : Sid, the tiger found a shortcut.

  [Sid looks up at the mountain they will have to climb] 

  Sid : No thanks, I choose life.

  Diego : [glaring at him where he stands so Sid almost runs into him when turning]  Then I suggest you take the shortcut.

  Sid : Are you threatening me?

  Diego : [in a shout that echoes]  *MOVE*, SLOTH!

• Sid : [holding on to Manfred's leg]  Don't let them impale me. I wanna live!

  Manfred : Get off me!

• Diego : At the bottom of Half Peak... there's an ambush, waiting for you.

  Sid : What?

  Manfred : What do you mean ambush?

  [Beat] 

  Manfred : You set us up.

  Diego : It was my job. I was supposed to get the baby, but then...

  Manfred : You brought us home - for dinner!

  Sid : That's it. You're out of the herd!

• Start : Hey! Do the world a favor. Move your issues off the road!

  Manfred : If my trunk was that small, I wouldn't call attention to myself, pal.

• Manfred : Look at you. You're gonna grow up to be a great predator. I don't think so. What do you have, just a little patch of fur. No claws... no fangs... You're little folds of skin wrapped in... mush. What's so threatening about you?

• Sid : Isn't this great? Two bachelors knocking about in the wild?

  Manfred : No. You just want a bodyguard so you don't become somebody's side-dish.

  Sid : You're a very shrewd mammal. Okay, you lead the way, Mr. Big, uh... I didn't catch the name...

  Manfred : Manfred.

  Sid : Manfred? Yuck, man, how about Manny the Moody Mammoth? Manny the melancholy? Manny the... yipe!

  Manfred : [after turning abruptly so he scrambled up a sapling]  Stop, following me.

• Sid : [as he prepares to get on a rock to sleep on]  Fine, I'll tuck myself in.

  [reclines on the rock; making moans and groans of relaxation] 

  Sid : [yawning]  All right... Good Night...

  [He flops on the rock, then turns over...] 

  Sid : [as he's turning over and over]  Oooh... ah.

  [Manny becomes slightly irritated as he watches Sid quirk around on the rock] 

  Sid : [groaning]  Errr-um... Ahhhhh...

  [Scene shows Sid lying on the rock on his back and his head lolling off the rock] 

  Sid : [talking in his sleep]  Nah!

  [snaps his fingers] 

  Sid : Nah! Nah!

  [shuffles his body counter-clock wise towards the rocks front,making fizzing noises with his teeth and tongue] 

  Sid : [flops on his side]  Argh...

  [suddenly jerks his arm and head up and down] 

  Sid : [loudly]  Hur-agh! Ahh...

  Manfred : [shouts angrily; startling Sid]  WILL YOU STOP IT!

  Sid : [sheepishly]  All right, All right... I was trying to relax.

  [He finds a comfortable spot on the rock and begins to suck his thumb] 

• [Morning arrives, Manny wakes up and feels for the baby in his trunk, only to discover that the Baby is gone. He stomps over to the sleeping Diego who wakes up with a start] 

  Manny : WHERE'S THE BABY?

  Diego : You lost it?

  [They look at each and notice Sid is not there] 

  Manny , Diego : [shouts]  SID!

  [Scene shows Sid with the baby in a jacuzzi like mud hot spring; using the baby as a 'chick magnet' to attract two female sloths] 

  Rachel : Oh, he's lovely. Positively adorable!

  Jennifer : [baby-talking to the baby]  Hello Pumpkin. Hello, little bunny baby...

  Rachel : [to Sid]  Where did you find it?

  Sid : Ah, poor kid was all alone in the wild. Sabers were cornering him, So I just snatched it!

  Rachel : Oh, so brave of you!

  Sid : Yeah, well... He needed me...

  [wistfully] 

  Sid : And I wished I had one of my own, too...

  Jennifer : [excited]  REALLY?

  [she calms herself down] 

  Jennifer : I'm... I'm attracted that quality in a male.

  Sid : [unaware that the baby is sinking into the mud hot spring]  Who wouldn't be?

  Rachel : [gushing]  You caring for a baby...

  Sid : [notices that Roshan the baby is gone and pulls the muddy baby up]  Yeah, well... You know...

  [the baby playfully throws mud on Sid's face; they both laugh] 

  Sid : [as he grabs something to wipe the mud off his face]  Cute kid, huh? So, as I was saying ladies... uh...

  [wipes the 'something' on his face, which is Manny's trunk; he realizes and gasps] 

  Sid : Oh, hey! Hey... Manny!

  Manny : [taking the giggling baby away]  What's the matter with you?

• Manny : [to Sid; about the baby]  What are doing? Just drop him on the ledge.

  [Sid tosses the baby on the ledge, who giggles and then crawls forward] 

  Sid : [whispers]  Should we make sure he found them?

  Manny : Good idea!

  Sid : [frantic]  What? Wait, no! Wait, wait, wait...

  [Manny throws Sid into the air] 

  Sid : AAAAAAHHHHH!

  [He lands safely on the ledge] 

  Sid : [shrieking comically]  Don't *SCARE ME*!

• [Rumbling is heard] 

  Manfred : [to Diego]  Tell me that was your stomach.

  Diego : Shh.

  Sid : I'm sure it's just thunder. From, under... ground?

• Sid : This is gonna be the best migration ever! I'm gonna show you all my favorite watering holes. And I turn brown when the fungus in my fur dries out!

  Manfred : It sounds very attractive.

• Manfred : [to the baby]  Hey, hey, does this look like a petting zoo to you?

• Sid : Hey, what's your problem?

  Manny : *You* are my problem.

  Sid : Well, I think you're stressed, and that's why you eat so much. I mean, it's hard to get fat on a vegan diet.

  Manny : I'm not fat. It's all this fur. It makes me look... poofy.

  Sid : Fine. You have fat hair. But when you're ready to talk, I'm here.

• [Manny is watching Sid clumsily struggle to climb up a cliff in an attempt to return the baby to his tribe] 

  Manfred : You're an embarrassment to nature. You know that?

  Sid : [calling over his shoulder]  A piece of cake! I'm fine, I'm fine...

  [to himself; moaning] 

  Sid : I'm gonna die...

• Diego : Name's Diego, friend.

  Manny : Manfred. And I'm not your friend.

  Diego : [condescendingly]  Fine... Manfred.