- Ted Danson: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Good evening, Vulcans and Romulans, Klingons, Bajorean-- Bajo-- Bajorans, Betazoids, and silicon-based lifeforms. Phew! It doesn't matter if you're someone who's only occasionally seen Star Trek or if you're one of those guys who has an actual homemade Starfleet uniform hanging in the back of your closet: you know who Captain Kirk is; you know who Mister Spock is. And hasn't there ever been a time when you were in a jam, and wished you could just reach for that little communicator and say "Beam me up, Scotty?"
- [looks up]
- Ted Danson: Keep an eye on me, we're live, Scotty!
- Roz Doyle: Captain, we're getting an order from Starfleet requesting we meet the Enterprise at Starbase 15.
- Captain Kathryn Janeway: Helm, set a course for 1-19-41 mark 8.
- Martin Crane: Well, sure, if you want to go the long way.
- Niles Crane: Oh no, we're not taking one of your shortcuts. Last one we followed your advice, we went through a tear in the time-space continuum and wound up in ancient Pompeii.
- Martin Crane: Well, we escaped, didn't we?
- Niles Crane: Yes, and my brand-new Romulan loafers were singed beyond recognition.
- Captain Kathryn Janeway: Captain's Log, Stardate 47259.3. Captain Kathryn Janeway commanding the USS Voyager. She is an untested ship with an untested crew, but I believe, over time, we will grow to work as an efficient and cooperative team.
- Martin Crane: Are we gonna fly this thing, or are you just gonna yak-yak-yak?
- Niles Crane: I believe I have an exclamation--an explanation for our communications problem, Captain. While we were in port I had them install a banality filter. It keeps us from being bothered by any, uh, messages that are overly insipid or jejeune.
- Captain Kathryn Janeway: Disengage the filter.
- Niles Crane: Oh, I, I can't. I can't even get my phaser to stop flashing 12:00.