- Al Snow: [talking to his dog Pepper] Don't be ridiculous, it's not one of the signs of the apocalypse when he starts quoting Judy Garland. When he starts singing like Ethel Merman, then you've gotta worry.
- Al Snow: [talking to his dog again] I know he said, "I'll get you and your little dog too." But it's not like he's sending flying monkeys after us.
- Jesse 'The Body' Ventura: You know, there's a lot of media saying that I'm a disgrace for being here. But I'll tell you this. I'm proud I'm a wrestler. I'm proud I was a wrestler and I'm proud to be here tonight!
- Jesse 'The Body' Ventura: You hit somebody with a chair, anything like that, I'm not counting it.
- Mankind: Let me ask you this. Don't you think that Geraldine Ferraro was vastly underestimated as a candidate?
- Jesse 'The Body' Ventura: She might have been, but she's a bleedin' heart liberal, you know. Come on!
- Chris Jericho: Do you believe that Chris Jericho is here to save the WWF?
- Howard 'The Fink' Finkel: Yes, I do.
- Chris Jericho: Do you believe in what Y2J stands for?
- Howard 'The Fink' Finkel: Absolutely.
- Chris Jericho: Do you believe that I'm here to save your job, Harold?
- Howard 'The Fink' Finkel: Yes, yes.
- Chris Jericho: Then you need to be on time! You need to be precise! You need to get your act together! It's all about impact, Harold, IMPACT!
- Howard 'The Fink' Finkel: It's Howard.
- Chris Jericho: Whatever. Come on. Let's go.
- Jesse 'The Body' Ventura: [after throwing Shane McMahon out of the ring] That's for your old man you little bastard!
- Jim Ross: She has the ample, designated ass, suitable for kissing.
- Jerry Lawler: Suitable for kissing? You telling me you would kiss that?
- Jim Ross: No.
- Jerry Lawler: What kind of kiss is it? I hope it's not a French kiss!
- Chris Jericho: You think you can come out here and impress people by spelling out your name, R-O-A-D, D-O-G-G...? You wanna impress me? Spell 'lugubrious'!
- The Road Dogg: [to Chris Jericho] I'm scared to say this since I think you might take me up on it, but I got two words for ya: SUCK IT!