Footballers' Wives (2002–2006)

Alison Newman: Hazel Bailey

Quotes 

• Frank Laslett : I think you should be my agent, I'm the one who needs an image makeover.

  Hazel Bailey : Sorry Frank, even if you gave both your kidneys to dying babies you'd still smell like a septic tank.

• Hazel Bailey : You're late.

  Jason Turner : Yeah... traffic

  Hazel Bailey : Car knocked over a cyclist outside Piccadilly tube, you, being a good Samaritan stopped and dialed 999... if you're going to make an excuse, spin it so you win it.

• Amber Gates : You're more of a cat person are you not?

  Hazel Bailey : I've always loved my pussy.

• Tanya Turner : I've decided there is only one man for me..."Charlie".

  Hazel Bailey : Come on love, let's be fair to dicks, they're great bits of tackle.

  Tanya Turner : It's what's on the end of them that's the problem.

  Hazel Bailey : I know that's why I keep mine in my handbag.