Clone High (2002–2003)

Nicole Sullivan: Joan of Arc, Marie Curie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Abe : I'll sleep when I die...

  Joan of Arc : You'll die if you don't sleep.

  Gandhi : Abe, remember how excited I was to see the movie "American Pie" that I didn't sleep the night before? And remember that scene where the guy has sex with the pie? Well, I don't. Because I fell asleep in the theatre.

  [dramatic pause] 

  Abe : Why don't you just rent it?

  [Gandhi runs out of the room] 

• Mr. Butlertron : What would the real Joan of Arc have done?

  Joan of Arc : She would have stood up and told them how she felt. Then she would have been burned at the stake. But what are the chances of that happening again? He, he.

  Mr. Butlertron : Thirty-eight percent.

• Joan of Arc : Are you trying suffocate me?

  Cleopatra : I'm sorry I didn't see you there. You're so flat chested.

  [Joan slams Cleo's head into the wall] 

  Joan of Arc : Choose your pillow because it is ON.

• Joan of Arc : Jesús Cristo, do you know the story of Joan of Arc?

  Jesús Cristo : Yeah I saw the movie when it was out on DVD, homes! She's like 16, right, and then God told her to make da Frenchies fight the Englishes you know people dat drink tea all da time and have big teeth? And then people started getting mad because she was hearing voices and then at the end she got burned at the stake, pretty good I give it thumbs up, homes!

  Joan of Arc : Basically. I've never been able to live up to her, and that's why instead, I became a cynical, angst-ridden goth girl, but now I'm hearing voices! Religious voices!

  Jesús Cristo : Damn. Wait, did they tell you who going to win the Latin Grammys. If it's Ricky Martin, don't tell me, don't tell me. It's Ricky Martin, huh?

  Joan of Arc : This is totally freaking me out!

  Jesús Cristo : Hey, take a hit, relax! God's message can be a total trip. But ya know you gotta do what he tells you eh, because God has a plan for all of us. A painful, painful plan.

• Joan of Arc : Abe, I'm so mad at you I could kiss you!

  Abe : What did you say, Joan?

  Joan of Arc : I said, I'm so mad at you I could piss glue.

  Abe : Really? It sounded like you said "I could kiss you."

  Joan of Arc : No, I said: "I could piss glue." It's a very common expression.

• Mr. Butlertron : Penny for your thoughts.

  Joan of Arc : Oh, Mr. Butlertron, I wanted... I mean my friend wanted to show girls could do anything boys can. But in the process, she ended up hurting the one boy she loves most.

  Mr. Butlertron : "Your friend" should listen to her heart. I'm not programmed to wink but if I were programmed to wink I would have winked when I said "your friend".

• Joan of Arc : [dressed as a man]  There was this girl...

  Boys : Yeah? Yeah?

  Joan of Arc : And I kissed her...

  Boys : Yeah? Yeah?

  Joan of Arc : And then we held each other until the sun came up.

  Joan of Arc : [pause]  And then I nailed her.

  Boys : Yay!

• Gandhi : That's a nice stun gun Joan.

  [Joan zaps him] 

  Joan of Arc : Teen crisis hotline. We're here because we care.

• Abe : Joan! You're a girl, right? Do you know how to remove a bra?

  Joan of Arc : Grrr...

  Abe : I mean, do you step into it like pants, or pull it over like a shirt?

• Joan of Arc : [Referring to Cleo's bra]  Why don't you just take the tissues out and it'll fall off?

  Cleopatra : [Gasps]  You signed a nondisclosure agreement! I hope you have good lawyers, because I'm gonna sue your hand-me-down pants off, creature trash!

  Abe : Girls, girls, girls! You're both human beings. You both put your bras on one-leg-at-a-time.

• Gandhi : Snowflake Jake, this holiday's mascot, will come to my house and bring me spices upon spices.

  Joan of Arc : Oh joyous day.

• Snowflake Jake : Now, go empty me chum-bucket, it's startin' to smell like a day-old hooker.

  Joan of Arc : I hate you, you nasty crap-eating monkey.

• Abe : Welcome back, Joan.

  Gandhi : [to Joan]  Hey, you got breasts.

  Joan of Arc : Geez, Abe. You grew, like, a foot.

  Gandhi : You grew, like, a pair of breasts.

  Abe : Luckily, the extra height doesn't feel that awkward.

  Abe : [Abe runs into a tree, falls down, then pops up]  I'm up!

  Joan of Arc : I wish I'd seen you more over the summer, but I was at camp.

  Gandhi : Was it Breast Camp?

  Joan of Arc : Okay, you get one more!

• Joan of Arc : You know, Abe, I've been thinking. I'm going to date a lot more this year.

  Abe : Uh-huh, I want to date Cleopatra. She's attractive, smart, athletic, good looking, she's hot, photogenic, she takes pride in her appearance. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I admire her commitment to community service.

  Joan of Arc : You don't think dating an old friend would be better? You know, maybe someone that you take for granted?

  Abe : Nah, I like Cleo.

  Joan of Arc : But, Abe, think about it... like, an old friend that...

  Abe : [interrupting her]  Nope! Cleo. Only... Cleo.

• Joan of Arc : Ugh! Why do guys always go for giggly, vapid sluts?

  JFK : Hark! I just heard a word that starts with an S, ends with an S, and has a "lut" inside. A "lut" of me!

• Joan of Arc : [dressed up as a guy, to Abe]  Forget about Cleo, she's a skanky ho.