Monster Garage (2002–2021)

Jesse James: Self

Quotes 

• Narrator : Speaking for gearheads and garage mechanics everywhere, Jesse answers that one-word question: why?

  Jesse James : [innocently]  'Cause it's wrong.

• [Jesse drags over a beer keg] 

  Jesse James : Two years of college and this is all I learned.

• Jesse James : I dont praise the lord, as much as I praise the lowered.

• [Jesse cuts the exhaust off of a car and it hits him in the face.] 

  Jesse James : Now, I know why I'm not a car mechanic anymore. Oh, wait, I guess I *am* a car mechanic.

• Jesse James : Looks like we're building something a little kid would draw.

• Jesse James : [crossing himself]  Is that the old "My head, chest, and both arms hurt"?

• Jesse James : [checking off an imaginary list after crashing the Hell Camino in a figure 8 race]  Things to do today: ram Billy!

  "Barefoot" Billy Ziemann : [doing the same]  Things to do today: train rookie!

• Jesse James : [someone has just finished explaining the rules of a steamboat race]  What do we get if we win?

  [the crowd laughs]