Paradise Hotel (2003–2019)

Dave Kerpen: Self

Quotes 

• Dave Kerpen : [Introductory clip]  I've got the looks of an average American guy and the personality of a winner.

• Dave Kerpen : Hmm... I think I have Charla's thong.

  [Dave takes Charla's thong out of his pocket] 

  Dave Kerpen : I did not have sex with that woman.

• Host : OK, so Matt, who do you think you'll most clash with at Paradise Hotel and why?

  Matthew Cehi : Maybe Dave. A little competition, could be fun.

  Host : What sort of competition?

  Matthew Cehi : I think athletic competition... I can bring it on.

  Dave Kerpen : I'm not worried.

  Host : Oh, he's not worried!

  Matthew Cehi : He looks worried.

• Dave Kerpen : Whitney. So you're a physical therapist. The thing is, my back's in a lot of pain from all this tennis I've been playing.

  [the guys laugh at Dave in the background] 

  Dave Kerpen : Hey, I beat all of you...

  Charla Pihlstrom : My back's in a lot of pain from sleeping on the damn mini bed.

  Toni Ferrari : [Immitating Dave]  I beat all of you.

  Dave Kerpen : Is there any kind of special therapy you can possibly give me right now?

  Kristin Ellis : Poor Dave, always trying to get some.

• Dave Kerpen : Yes, everyone's playing the game. Hands down, the female playing it the most is Toni.

  Toni Ferrari : You son of a bitch!

  Dave Kerpen : The past few weeks she's blatently said she wants me out. She knows that one of the girls is going home and suddenly she's being quite affectionate. I mean to me, she's clearly playing the game.

  Toni Ferrari : You evil motherfucker! You motherfucker! I'm gonna drown your fucking ass.

• Tara Gerard : [On the phone to Dave]  Tom has a pet monkey named Smokey.

  Dave Kerpen : Nah, too weird for me.

  Tara Gerard : I know!