Stargate: Atlantis (2004–2009)
David Hewlett: Dr. Rodney McKay, Dr. Rod McKay
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Quotes
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[Sheppard is giving McKay flying lessons, and they get into an argument]
Maj. John Sheppard : This is why parents get someone else to teach their kids how to drive.
Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm both insulted and touched by that.
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Carson Beckett M. D. : He fainted.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Oh there's gotta be a better word.
Carson Beckett M. D. : Faint is a proper medical term.
Dr. Rodney McKay : I passed out from... manly hunger!
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Dr. Rodney McKay : Well, let me see - we've got slow death, quick death, painful death, cold, lonely death.
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[Sheppard and McKay whisper while spying on a Wraith in disguise]
Maj. John Sheppard : That's her!
Dr. Rodney McKay : That's the Wraith?
Maj. John Sheppard : Yeah.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Wow... She's hot! I mean seriously hot!
Maj. John Sheppard : Rodney, you're drooling over a Wraith!
Dr. Rodney McKay : I know, I... disgust myself sometimes.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : You're referring to the ship you just shot down! One that doesn't stand a hope in hell of ever flying again.
Torrell : The ship that you're gonna fix, yes.
Dr. Rodney McKay : What am I, MacGyver? Fix it with what?
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [the team is trying to come up with a solution to a problem while being very short on time] You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth - did you bring yours?
Dr. Zelenka : You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.
Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm always like this.
Dr. Zelenka : My point exactly.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm not sure I can fix this.
Dr. Peter Grodin : You can fix anything.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Who told you that?
Dr. Peter Grodin : You did. On several occasions.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : You see, the thing is, Col. Sheppard and I have sorta gotten into this habit of saving each others' lives and it's my turn.
[pause]
Dr. Rodney McKay : It can be your turn next.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : I built an atomic bomb for my grade six science fair exhibit.
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC : They let you do that up in Canada?
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Maj. John Sheppard : [the sensors have discovered a powerful energy field] You think it's worth checking out?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Any significant energy emission generally indicates technological civilization.
Maj. John Sheppard : So... you think it's worth checking out?
Dr. Rodney McKay : [sarcastically] I'm sorry. Yes. Energy field good.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : Look, the first siege of Atlantis lasted for years. I mean, with only one functioning Zed P.M, we can't expect to hold on that long.
Col. Steven Caldwell : Can we submerge the city again?
Dr. Rodney McKay : [sighs] It's a city, not a yo-yo.
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Maj. Lorne : Wow - you must really be some kind of genius!
Dr. Rodney McKay : Well, as a matter of fact, I, um... wait a minute. See, why would you say that now?
Maj. Lorne : Something has to have kept Colonel Sheppard from shooting you all this time!
Dr. Rodney McKay : Yeah, yeah, like I didn't see that one coming, huh?
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Carson Beckett M. D. : You have a date, Rodney? With a woman?
Dr. Rodney McKay : It is simply two adults sharing some friendly... Yes, with a woman!
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [when the Daedalus becomes infected with a computer virus] Oh, crap!
Hermiod : What did you do?
Dr. Rodney McKay : I ran it through a translation program, the virus is Wraith.
Hermiod : Crap, indeed.
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[Dr. McKay is wearing an Ancient personal force field generator]
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried.
Maj. John Sheppard : [Smug] I shot him.
[Dr. Weir gives him "the look"]
Maj. John Sheppard : In the leg!
Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm invulnerable!
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?
Dr. Rodney McKay : [Smug] In-vul-nerable!
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [facing a wraith guard] So! This is how it's gonna be, huh? Just me?
Dr. Rodney McKay : [seeing another Wraith guard come up] OK! That's just fine!
Dr. Rodney McKay : [he draws his pistol and points it at them, grinning in bravado]
Dr. Rodney McKay : You want some of this, huh? Huh?
Dr. Rodney McKay : [as he goes to fire his pistol, he presses the wrong part of the gun and the magazine ejects and drops to the floor]
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Carson Beckett M. D. : [sighs] We believe ATA or Ancient Technology Activation is caused by a single gene that's always on. Instructing various cells in the body to produce a series of proteins and enzymes
[McKay is staring at syringe]
Carson Beckett M. D. : that interact with the skin, the nervous system and the brain. In this case we're using a mouse retrovirus to deliver the missing gene to your cells.
Dr. Rodney McKay : [Looking worried] A mouse retrovirus?
Carson Beckett M. D. : It's been deactivated.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Well, are there any side effects?
Carson Beckett M. D. : Dry mouth, headache, the irresistible urge to run in a small wheel...
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Maj. Lorne : [about radiation exposure] Dr. Parrish said a day or two of exposure wasn't going to kill us.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Oh, yeah, and Dr. Parrish has a PhD in what? That's right, botany!
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Dr. Rodney McKay : So exactly what kind of special training do you guys have to go through to get this sort of mission?
Maj. Lorne : "You guys"?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Yeah, you know - 'Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. It's a great place to start'.
Maj. Lorne : And by this mission you mean hunting down a skilled weapons expert hopped up on Wraith drugs, in the pitch black of an alien planet?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Yes.
Maj. Lorne : Actually, I skipped that course in Major school.
Dr. Rodney McKay : I was afraid of that.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [about radiation exposure] As it is, I may have to forgo reproducing.
Maj. Lorne : Yeah, that's funny, I was just thinking that might be wise.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm not crazy. I just have another consciousness in my brain.
Maj. John Sheppard : So he just looks crazy.
Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm sure I do, but only because Dr. Fumbles McStupid over here was in way over his head!
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[McKay buttons up his collar while entering the cave with the Iratus bugs]
Carson Beckett M. D. : You don't seriously think that's gonna help?
Dr. Rodney McKay : When they see your neck before they see mine, you won't think it's stupid.
[several minutes later, Beckett lifts up his collar before trying to harvest the eggs]
Dr. Rodney McKay : See! Not so stupid!
Carson Beckett M. D. : Ah, shut up.
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Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : You were right.
Carson Beckett M. D. : Lovely... About what?
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : Your theory of the Wraith evolving after the Ancients arrived in the Pegasus Galaxy.
Dr. Rodney McKay : You've got to be kidding me.
Dr. Zelenka : Pay up!
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Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : We're heading towards a food shortage.
Dr. Rodney McKay : [Mouth full] I know, it's getting desperate. I'm almost out of coffee.
Maj. John Sheppard : Well, maybe you should stop drinking eleven cups a day.
Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm just making sure I'm getting my fair share before it's all gone.
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC : Sounds fair.
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Teyla Emmagan : Do you kill all your violent criminals on Earth?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Certain countries, yes.
Maj. John Sheppard : Do we need to get into this right now?
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Maj. John Sheppard : How's it coming, Rodney?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Slower than I expected, but faster than humanly possible.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : 95% of deadly is still deadly!
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [whispering] I don't think they've detected us.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : [whispering too] Why are you whispering?
Dr. Rodney McKay : [still whispering] I dunno. It just seems like the right thing to do.
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Maj. Lorne : I was hoping Lt. Ford would recognize a friendly face and turn himself in.
Dr. Rodney McKay : You mean me?
Maj. Lorne : Well, you were friends, weren't you?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Oh yeah, when we weren't out on harrowing missions, we used to hang out together. I'd share my dreams of self-sustaining fusion, he would talk about how you could sever a man's torso with a P-90.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm sorry. It's just... I react to certain doom in a certain way. It's a bad habit.
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Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : The city can handle that?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Yes. Theoretically.
Maj. John Sheppard : Like "dinosaurs turned into birds" theoretically or "theory of relativity" theoretically?
Dr. Rodney McKay : [looks confused] What? Um, somewhere between.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm picking up a strange reading from right over there.
Maj. John Sheppard : Define strange.
Dr. Rodney McKay : [pause] You don't know what strange means?
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Eldon : The technology on this ship is far more advanced than the Olesians'.
Dr. Rodney McKay : How ironic, then, to have been shot down by the cast of "Braveheart."
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[Sheppard and McKay have gotten lost finding their way back to the Genii's village]
Dr. Rodney McKay : They were very clear which route to take.
Maj. John Sheppard : I prefer a straight line...
Dr. Rodney McKay : Yes, of course, cause everything's a short cut in Sheppard's world.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [worried about the UV radiation on P3M-736] Have you seen my complexion?
Teyla Emmagan : Yes.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Yes, it's very fair. Extremely fair... This isn't fair.
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Carson Beckett M. D. : How come I never make friends like that?
Dr. Rodney McKay : You need to get out more.
Carson Beckett M. D. : We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?
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Dr. Rodney McKay : Seriously, am I the only one creeped out by that guy?
Maj. John Sheppard : They're politicians, Rodney - they're all creepy.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Margaret Thatcher wasn't creepy. OK - well, maybe a little. In fact, she was like an aunt of mine - same hairstyle, facial structure, only my aunt was much taller, and remarkably hirsute. Oddest thing: she had to shave twice a day.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : Did I mention that I know almost everything about almost everything?
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Dr. Rodney McKay : Using power... using power... using power.
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[the team need to disable the grounding stations around the city]
Maj. John Sheppard : Wait a second, are these things even close to a transporter?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Uh... yes. Elizabeth's is.
Maj. John Sheppard : And mine?
Dr. Rodney McKay : It's a brisk walk away.
Maj. John Sheppard : And by "brisk" you mean "far"?
Dr. Rodney McKay : [nods] And by "walk" I mean "run".
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Dr. Rodney McKay : There's no sign of any settlements - at least, nothing recent.
Ronon Dex : [pointing] Other than the smoke from that campfire.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Ah. Yes, well, other than that.
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Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : Rodney - you can take the rest of the day off.
Dr. Rodney McKay : [lies down onto the floor on his back with his eyes closed and his hands folded on his chest] Oh. I am gonna curl up in bed with the largest sandwich I can find.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : All I know is that she's not who she's pretending to be.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : And you know this because...?
Dr. Rodney McKay : What, I'm not allowed to have intuition?
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : You? No.
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Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : [Elizabeth is chastising Rodney in the background] You destroyed three-quarters of a solar system!
Dr. Rodney McKay : Five-sixths, but it's not an exact science.
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Maj. John Sheppard : You know, Rodney, you were great back there. Wanna take the stick?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Really?
Maj. John Sheppard : No.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [McK is excited in learning more in an hour than what he has in 2 yrs about Wraith tech, in the tests to overcome Wraith jamming of Asguard beaming] He then looks over at Hermoid who seems to be ignoring his excitement while typing away. Oh come on, I understand you're an Asgard and everything, but even you gotta feel a bit of an adrenaline buzz!
[Exasperated]
Hermiod : [Unpurturbed] My body does not possess the adrenal gland that produces epinephrine in your system. And even if I did, I would not be as easily impressed.
Dr. Rodney McKay : I get! I get it! You think you are smarter than I am! U ready to go or not?
Hermiod : [Smugly] I have been for sometime.
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Teyla Emmagan : What do you want from us?
Torrell : Well, we've already got your weapons. Now I do believe we'll take your ship. You see, we have been planning a little trip to the mainland, but after seeing you fly that thing through the Ancestral Ring...
Dr. Rodney McKay : If you're referring to the ship you just shot down, the one that doesn't stand a hope in hell of ever flying again...
Torrell : The ship that you're gonna fix, yes.
Dr. Rodney McKay : What am I, MacGyver? Fix it with what?
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [seeing a security escort of only two marines] Whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. What is this? This is my security escort?
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : Well, we are spread a little bit thin right now.
Dr. Rodney McKay : OK.
[to the marines]
Dr. Rodney McKay : You need to know that if we come under fire, you're gonna have to put your lives on the line to protect me.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : Rodney!
Dr. Rodney McKay : OK, I mean the Zed-PM. You need to protect the Zed-PM at all costs... and me.
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Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : [over comms] Rodney, we need a shield up in forty seconds or we're dead!
Dr. Rodney McKay : What, are you kidding me?
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : No!
Dr. Rodney McKay : 'Cause I can't help but thinking we're reaching the point at which I completely snap.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : Rodney!
Dr. Rodney McKay : That should do it! Fire it up.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : That didn't do it.
Dr. Rodney McKay : What?
Teyla Emmagan : It is not working.
Dr. Rodney McKay : I know what she said!
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : Twenty seconds!
Dr. Rodney McKay : OK, snap! That's it! You all happy now?
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Dr. Rodney McKay : Well, assuming that we're still alive, and there doesn't appear to be any damage as a result of the pulse, I think we can safely conclude that, uh... um...
[long pause]
Dr. Rodney McKay : I got nothing. I mean I've got nothing to conclude, I was just... talking for the sake of talking.
Maj. John Sheppard : You sure you're ok?
Dr. Rodney McKay : You know how much I hate certain death?
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Maj. John Sheppard : [the team is looking for signs of the Wraith] Rodney?
Dr. Rodney McKay : I've got something here.
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC : Really?
Dr. Rodney McKay : I dunno. I got a little...
[trails off while walking away]
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC : You've got a little what?
[grinning]
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC : Hey, McKay, you've got a little what?
[Sheppard looks at him]
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC : What?
[Sheppard gives him a dirty look and follows McKay]
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC : Oh, it's okay when you guys make fun of me.
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Col. Steven Caldwell : Are there any personnel on board who have the technical skills to do this?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Anybody. That's what you get for assembling a team of brilliant scientists.
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Zaddik : Are you interested in science?
Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm not sure that's what I would call this, but yes.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [after injecting himself with Wraith enzyme and beating up two guards] And that's what happens when you back a brilliant scientist into a corner!
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Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC : It's huge.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Define huge.
Maj. John Sheppard : Fifteen million square miles. Give or take.
Dr. Rodney McKay : That would make it approximately the size of, uh... I have no idea, but it sounds huge.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : [the team is discussing a society that places criminals next to the stargate so they will be culled first as a form of capital punishment] I prefer lethal injection, although I do have a fondness for the electric chair. Call me romantic.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm sorry, medicine is about as much of a science as... oh, I don't know, voodoo?
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Dr. Rodney McKay : You have no idea which way to go, do you?
Maj. John Sheppard : Just trying to get my bearings.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Translation: "I'm lost. "
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Marin : The island is a penal colony. The prisoners usually don't cause much trouble, as long as you don't try to land there.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Well, you could put up a sign!
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Dr. Rodney McKay : I think I chipped a tooth. Did I chip a tooth? Am I bleeding? Because I am at high risk of enterocarditis.
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Torrell : Well, I could kill you. But you strike me as the type of man who, despite being weak and cowardly on the outside, harbours a strength of character he doesn't even know he has.
Dr. Rodney McKay : I'm sorry - was there a compliment in there?
Torrell : See, the way to motivate a man like you, Mr McKay, is not to threaten your life; it's to threaten the lives of your friends. That's right. Fix the ship, otherwise they start dying, one after another, 'til you change your mind, or until they're all dead. I don't care.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : Well, thank God! You were the only... I thought I was gonna...
Teyla Emmagan : I thought you were very brave.
Dr. Rodney McKay : Really?
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Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : How much time do you need?
Dr. Rodney McKay : Oh, well...
Dr. Zelenka : ...a week...
Dr. Rodney McKay : ...a couple of hours.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D. : I'll take the second estimate. Go.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : So... just to confirm, we're all still... definitely not dead.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : Maybe we should make a diversion.
Maj. Lorne : Are you volunteering?
Dr. Rodney McKay : I'll shut up.
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Dr. Rodney McKay : Let's not be too quick to exclude the possibility that the woman might be, uh... what is the clinical term? "nuts"?
