- Himself - Host: This evening, in addition to a pie-eating contest, we are presenting a story entitled "Where the Woodbine Twineth" or, as our network insists on calling it, "WT2."
- Eva Snyder: I knew you wouldn't believe me when I tell you things are real. Daddy didn't believe me either... and daddy's dead.
- Eva Snyder: Numa says if Aunt Nell ever made her go away like she did the others, she'd take me with her.
- Suse: And where would that be?
- Eva Snyder: Where the woodbine twineth.
- Suse: Where?
- Eva Snyder: Where the woodbine twineth.
- Suse: I don't recollect ever hearing of that place before. How far is it from Cresop's Landing?
- Eva Snyder: I don't know, but I expect it's far away. So far away, you never come back.
- Himself - Host: We now have a different kind of competition, an endurance contest. The question is: How many of you can endure the next 60 seconds?