God awful movie (if you can call it that) with terrible plot and terrible premise. Everything about it was bad - Horrible editing, music, acting, effects and plot line. I am surprised the filmmakers would even dare put out such a horrible film. I can't imagine anyone (besides the filmmakers and their friends) giving this a good review. Having been a huge fan of The Matrix films, I imagined at least one funny thing about this movie but I can't even think of one. Films such as Hot Shots and Scary Movie knew how to spoof films correctly. Don't bother to give any of these people any money's worth to this film. I could not resist the urge to warn viewers out there about a worse film. You'll kick yourself later.
10 Reviews
Worst spoof ever made.
moviechick9021012 April 2005
I loved the Matrix films and love good spoofs (AIRPLAINE, BLAZING SADDLES, SCARY MOVIE, etc.), but this movie was a huge disappointment. I saw it in an empty theater and fell asleep 3 times. The director seems to have never seen a good spoof in his life. I just mimics every scene from the MATRIX without adding anything original, much less, funny. The actors are so stiff and have such bad timing, it is like watching a high school improv class. The movie looks like it was shot on a handicam, but it has some relatively professional digital effects. However, a pretty bow and some wrapping paper can't make this stink bomb funny.
Huh?!
Areles31 July 2005
Director A. Raven Cruz has managed to effectively make one long tribute to the creative talents of Phil Tucker (Robot Monster), Hal Warren (Manos, the Hand of Fate), and the ubiquitous Edward D. Wood.
Now Phil Tucker at least worked with Lenny Bruce, and did have a rudimentary knowledge of editing (how else could he have cut all that stock footage into his films). And Hall Warren at least had the common decency to stop making films, after his first one. And Ed Wood, well bless his pointed angora draped head, he was just too wacky to ignore. But one thing these guys all had in common, they tried to tell a story.
The Helix: Loaded is a vanity piece masquerading as a movie. Anyone that could look at this film and believe it deserves a "10" has been sitting in a closed garage with the engine running. "The Helix: Loaded" doesn't simply suck. It Swallows!
Now Phil Tucker at least worked with Lenny Bruce, and did have a rudimentary knowledge of editing (how else could he have cut all that stock footage into his films). And Hall Warren at least had the common decency to stop making films, after his first one. And Ed Wood, well bless his pointed angora draped head, he was just too wacky to ignore. But one thing these guys all had in common, they tried to tell a story.
The Helix: Loaded is a vanity piece masquerading as a movie. Anyone that could look at this film and believe it deserves a "10" has been sitting in a closed garage with the engine running. "The Helix: Loaded" doesn't simply suck. It Swallows!
They tried too hard...they didn't try enough
SSHISERV18 March 2005
The Helix Loaded: This movie had the potential to be a big comedy, and for all fair and balanced purposes started out as funny, but then sadly the humor, like the 'One', died off fast. It would seem from watching the movie that there were several hands in the script writing cookie jar, judging from the different directions the script was taking and manifesting. Moments in the movie that were intended to be funny came off awkward and dead in its own translation. The actors, at too many points, over exceeded their characters adding to the dismal portrayal of a first time movie effort for director A. Raven Cruz. In addition, add to this poor timing on the movie release (two years after the Matrix Trilogy had passed) you are left with a time capsule movie rather than a parody following immediately after the Matrix Trilogy. In closing, I found the movie to be painfully dragging in character / story development and confusing on story lines and delivery by the characters. For first time movie director Cruz to realize that this movie is better suited for the incinerator rather than the silver screen would be the right step towards becoming a director who 'can see outside the box' (as he puts it so well) to notice the apparent flaws throughout this project.
This Movie is Brilliant
matt00422 March 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I went to this movie and it rocked. For an independent movie on a low budget it was surprisingly excellent. It is a parody of The Matrix, Fight Club etc, all movies i enjoyed but this really does take the the spoof movie genre to a whole new level. The acting was good, special effects were brilliant the jokes clever & funny. I know when i watch it again that i will pick out more jokes and funny background placements. Having seen it at the movies i am now looking forward to the DVD release and add it to my collection... These guys rock who made this movie i am looking forward to seeing more of their work in the future. m c
A good rental but maybe not a big screen kind of movie...
thawkins-230 March 2005
Let me just say that I liked Helix. I really did. For a low-budget spoof, it came across incredibly well. The special effects were very high caliber at times, the performance of the actors was believable, and the writing was good.
However, this isn't a movie I could recommend to plop down the 9 bucks I did to see it. It's good, in an "insomniac-can't-sleep-turn-on-the-TV" kind of way. An enjoyable movie that should be a stable in any spoof lovers video collection.
Why not a big screen caliber performance? Well, it dragged at times. While most of the jokes were funny, very few made me laugh hysterically (i.e. Jim Carry or Dave Chappelle). The scenery and props were passable and created a quasi-believable backdrop for the story, but everything seemed a bit too grungy at times and the lack of high quality video gave the movie an aged cheap look (maybe that was the point).
However, this isn't a movie I could recommend to plop down the 9 bucks I did to see it. It's good, in an "insomniac-can't-sleep-turn-on-the-TV" kind of way. An enjoyable movie that should be a stable in any spoof lovers video collection.
Why not a big screen caliber performance? Well, it dragged at times. While most of the jokes were funny, very few made me laugh hysterically (i.e. Jim Carry or Dave Chappelle). The scenery and props were passable and created a quasi-believable backdrop for the story, but everything seemed a bit too grungy at times and the lack of high quality video gave the movie an aged cheap look (maybe that was the point).
Satisfying Spoof Movie
meltedbrain22 March 2005
The Helix Loaded is a low budget spoof of The Matrix trilogy, Minority Report, The Incredible Hulk, Fight Club and many more. As a low budget feature shot on miniDV it is certainly rough around the edges, though that adds to the charm. What elevates this film above the drek of low-budget indies are some surprisingly good special effects (impressive bullet-time, wire-fu effects) as well as its irreverent sense of psychedelic humor. This one has the potential to be a cult classic.
Who could not be charmed by a guy in a bunny suit, an enlightenment drug in the shape of a gummy bear and VANILLA ICE kicking ass?!? :-) And Scotty Levy's 'The Other One' is a dead-on take on Keannu Reeves.
Funny stuff.
Who could not be charmed by a guy in a bunny suit, an enlightenment drug in the shape of a gummy bear and VANILLA ICE kicking ass?!? :-) And Scotty Levy's 'The Other One' is a dead-on take on Keannu Reeves.
Funny stuff.
Hellix Loaded Rocks
info-305529 July 2005
This movie even tho it may have been low budget Guerilla Indie film, is one of the best matrix spoofs ever. Even if you hate the matrix or even if you love the matrix you will find The Helix... Loaded "Loaded" with good fun insightful commentary and a rollicking good time. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who wishes to be "Enlightened" The of characters is a unique ensemble with excellent performances by All... The visual FX by Ryan Carter of Hall of Shadows are particularly good for a low budget movie. Ryan took creative approaches to creating interesting Special Visual Effects on a low budget to new heights. Outstanding job!!! If you really need a good laugh and need something thats smart as well as funny you cant go wrong with The Helix Loaded!
The Best Movie Ever Made
MovieAddict201623 February 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Move over Orson Welles, there's a new cinematic piece of excellence coming our way - THE HELIX...LOADED! When I first saw this entry on IMDb I was a bit suspicious, but I knew I had to see it, so I attended a special preview screening. The director was there with none other than the Ice Man himself, Robert Van Winkle, as well as their friends, family and some people who had attended out of curiosity (it's not hard to get into the "special" preview - they were handing out free tickets!).
Well after the credits rolled I thought to myself, "Can it get any better than this?!" I mean, Vanilla rapping "Ice Ice Baby" for two hours straight might sound boring to some, but here he proves he has so much more range, like when he starts singing a heavy metal track called "You Can Do It Theo!" which is played whilst he battles with the Agent Marshal Mathers (bad guy of the film), which may be a reference to Eminem.
Anyway, the director is able to establish a meaningful connection with the audience. Such depth is given to the character of Theo that I felt I literally knew him by the time it all ended. On top of that, V-Ice gives an Oscar-worthy comeback performance that will prove to the disbelievers that "Cool As Ice" was only a sign of things to come in the definitive career of the definitive actor's actor of the 21st century.
All in all, this funny, touching, dramatic, action-packed indie experiment had me gushing at the eyes - both because it was funny, and sad. The ending made sense on so many different levels, and the re-mix of Ninja Rap is worth the price of admission alone.
P.S. Someone contacted me recently under the impression that this was a serious review on my behalf. If you feel I am being honest when I call it the best movie ever made, please check yourself into the nearest mental ward of your local sanitarium.
Well after the credits rolled I thought to myself, "Can it get any better than this?!" I mean, Vanilla rapping "Ice Ice Baby" for two hours straight might sound boring to some, but here he proves he has so much more range, like when he starts singing a heavy metal track called "You Can Do It Theo!" which is played whilst he battles with the Agent Marshal Mathers (bad guy of the film), which may be a reference to Eminem.
Anyway, the director is able to establish a meaningful connection with the audience. Such depth is given to the character of Theo that I felt I literally knew him by the time it all ended. On top of that, V-Ice gives an Oscar-worthy comeback performance that will prove to the disbelievers that "Cool As Ice" was only a sign of things to come in the definitive career of the definitive actor's actor of the 21st century.
All in all, this funny, touching, dramatic, action-packed indie experiment had me gushing at the eyes - both because it was funny, and sad. The ending made sense on so many different levels, and the re-mix of Ninja Rap is worth the price of admission alone.
P.S. Someone contacted me recently under the impression that this was a serious review on my behalf. If you feel I am being honest when I call it the best movie ever made, please check yourself into the nearest mental ward of your local sanitarium.
Really great parody!
gamebalance19 February 2019
I give it a 10, tho it deserves 7. But I give 10/10 to balance the low score which movie did not deserved. It is a nice parody on the Matrix. A lot of really funny jokes there. There were few jokes which I laugh to tears and replayed them many times. I am very thankful that there some people did this funny movie.
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