Boston Legal (2004–2008)

Yamil Piedra: Joe

Quotes 

• Alan Shore : [to Tara]  Hello, I'm a complete stranger and I'm here to pick you up.

  [notices Joe] 

  Alan Shore : Oh, I see, there's two of us. I'll be evens, you be odds.

  Joe : You got a problem?

  Alan Shore : No, actually. I just saw this fair maiden here talking to a tree trunk, and since I'm an arborist I thought I could help translate.

  Joe : Here's a health tip. Walk away.

  Alan Shore : Why would I do that?

  Tara Wilson : All right, guys.

  Alan Shore : Don't be deceived by my cushy appearance.

  Tara Wilson : Excuse me. I actually am with him.

  Joe : I don't care. Walk away, or I lay you out.

  Alan Shore : I don't mean to be a stickler, but isn't the object to lay her out?

  [Joe punches Alan] 

  Tara Wilson : Hey!

  Joe : Oh, gee, I'm sorry, I was reaching for my wallet...

  Alan Shore : I see. Allow me to reach for mine.

  [walks away to the other end of the bar] 

  Tara Wilson : Are you all right?

  Alan Shore : Fine.

  [to Mike and friends] 

  Alan Shore : Hello, big people. Sorry to intrude, but you seem rather strapping. Here's three hundred dollars. Would you be so kind as to go hit that man down there?

  Mike : [laughs incredulously]  Really?

  Tara Wilson : Alan!

  Alan Shore : There's an extra hundred if he goes down.

  Mike : You're on.

  Alan Shore : Make it a good one.

  Tara Wilson : Oh, for God's sakes.

  Alan Shore : [Mike hits Joe; fistfight ensues. Alan gives money to Mike's friend]  Here's a hundred; go help your friend.

  Alan Shore : [watches the fighting]  Gee, seems Joe has buddies.

  [passing out money to Mike's friends] 

  Alan Shore : One for you, one for you. I've got plenty of them. Hit him hard, now. For you, and for you...