Green Screen Show (2004–2005)
Brad Sherwood: Self
Quotes
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Brad Sherwood : [playing New Choice "How to Box"] It's important to wear slimming boxer shorts so it don't look like you got a BIG keister
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[Greg is waterskiing on Brad's boat]
Brad Sherwood : Shark!
[Greg hops over the shark]
Brad Sherwood : Two sharks!
[Greg lets the sharks swim between his legs]
Brad Sherwood : [phone rings]
Brad Sherwood : Hello? Oh - it's my loan shark!
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[sound effects - in an airport]
Brad Sherwood : I was wondering if you could take a look at this luggage belt, it seems to be broken. Look what happens when I turn it on
[he turns it on]
Audience member : bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap...
Brad Sherwood : We tried replacing the motor with a Pac-Man. It didn't really work... it takes little bites out of the suitcases.
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[New Choice]
Jeff Bryan Davis : In case it gets messy, I'm going to put on my goggles.
Brad Sherwood : New choice.
Jeff Bryan Davis : I'm going to put on a tutu and dance.
Brad Sherwood : New choice.
Jeff Bryan Davis : I'm going to put on a new accent. He, como estas?
Brad Sherwood : Old choice.
Jeff Bryan Davis : I'm going back to the tutu.
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[New Choice, "How to Have a Baby"]
Brad Sherwood : Can I make you a snack, honey?
Colin Mochrie : Please, dear.
Brad Sherwood : What would you like?
Colin Mochrie : Anything you can give me.
Brad Sherwood : All right, I'll give you some peanut butter and sardines.
Jeff Bryan Davis : New choice!
Brad Sherwood : I will give you some lovely little saltine crackers stacked high, with pieces of salami and jujubes.
Jeff Bryan Davis : New choice!
Brad Sherwood : I'm just gonna give you some of these gelatinous little bears - brand name which I'm not going to mention - and I'm going to lightly salt them with some paprika.
Jeff Bryan Davis : New choice!
Brad Sherwood : This is something I found in the backyard, and it looks pretty fresh.
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Jonathan Mangum : [One Syllable Word at a Vet's Office] Your dog is... with pups!
Brad Sherwood : But he's a male dog!
Jonathan Mangum : I don't think so!
Brad Sherwood : He's a great DAME!
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Brad Sherwood : [One Syllable Word in a Vet's Office] I can hear his heartbeat...
[audience Buzzes]
Brad Sherwood : Wha?
Drew Carey : Heartbeat!
Brad Sherwood : CRAP!