Ninja Nonsense (2004– )
Sean Schemmel: Onsokumaru
Quotes
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Onsokumaru : What the hell are we, trash? I wanna take a bath! Shinobu! Kaede! Where are you?!
Sasuke : Hey Onsokumaru, do you think we're burnable or non-burnable garbage?
Onsokumaru : I'm pretty sure we'll burn.
Sasuke : Huh.
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Sasuke : Who goes there!? Huh, I could have sworn I heard someone.
Onsokumaru : Heh. You fool, what do you take me for? If there had been someone outside, don't you think *I* would have noticed. I'll do a lap around Japan on a unicycle without a *seat* if I'm wrong.
Sasuke : Seriously? That's great. I'll write up the contract.
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Onsokumaru : Woo-hoo! Shop until you drop! Clothing accessories, illegal porn tapes and high school girls! So where do you think we should start?
Sasuke : Hey, hey, hey! You're a little too happy. You're babbling about illegal purchases.
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Shinobu : Hey now. Onsokumaru, stop bothering everyone. You're such a bad boy.
Onsokumaru : Excuse me? Some breasts, a few sweet-and-sours kisses and a roomful of farts is *bad*? A *real* ninja must be prepared to face dangers such as these at all times.
Kaede Shiranui : I so don't understand him.
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Kaede Shiranui : You're *in* the way.
Onsokumaru : *This* is where *we* always play baseball! Besides, girls shouldn't even be in sports. Except maybe as cheerleaders, eye candy or beer girls.
Kaede Shiranui : What a tyrant. Unbelievable.
Onsokumaru : Me, a tyrant? What an incredibly rude thing to say. To make it up to me, let me touch your boobs.
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Onsokumaru : Stop laughin' will ya and just trust me. You'll live longer if you bathe with men.
Miyabi : Really? Is that true, sis?
Shinobu : Uh, is that true, Kaede?
Kaede Shiranui : I've never heard of such a bizarre theory.
Ninja 2 : Ah, yes ladies, it's quite true. We've even got a letter from the Surgeon General saying so. Actually, it's really from my uncle Kazuhiko whom everyone calls Pervyhiko and I'm not sure why, though.
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Onsokumaru : Well, it appears that you leave me no choice. Round up the men. We're going to have a guys versus girls baseball game. We'll turn those insolent girls into squishy-wishy sobbing babies.
Sasuke : All right! A new strike zone!
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Ninja 1 : That's a homerun for the girl's team!
Onsokumaru : Stop! Now wait just a minute here!
Ninja 1 : What? You have a problem with my judgement as the umpire? Assistant umpire, *that's* a penalty.
Ninja 3 : Yes sir!
Ninja 2 : Well, look at this. It looks like the assistant umpire has made a stick to shove up his butt.
Onsokumaru : Dah, those stubby branches look like they'd be incredibly comfortable but, uh...
Ninja 2 : Onsokumaru does not look too pleased with that penalty.
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Onsokumaru : What is this?
Shinobu : Huh?
Onsokumaru : I wonder what's in here.
Kaede Shiranui : Hey! Leave it alone. That's the Christmas present I brought.
Onsokumaru : Oh wow, ten kiss tickets! I see some deep and heavy smooching in my future. It's so dirty. It's so filthy. I had no idea this person was such a pervert. Here ladies, this is a present I'd like to give you.
Kaede Shiranui : Yeah, yeah. Thanks but no thanks.
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Shinobu : You're *amazing* Miyabi. You're so smart.
Ninja 2 : Smarter than us.
Onsokumaru : I knew that! I knew that! And there's something *else* I know. Men are pointy and women are soft. They like to purr and go 'Meow.' So here I come baby! Come and get some fresh milk! You want it!
Ninja 1 : Really, because I always kind of thought that, too.
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Onsokumaru : Hmm, what's that?
Ninja 3 : Ow! Ah! That's my butt!
Kaede Shiranui : It's been fun, but can you guys please leave now?
Sasuke : Did you hear that, Onsokumaru? What a terrible order. I can't believe how rude she is.
Onsokumaru : No, I couldn't understand her at all, actually. Apparently, this village only seems to speak the language of selfish priss.
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Onsokumaru : You know, you're just as bad as the instant cup ramen leftovers that get stuck in the drain after I empty out the hot water.
Sasuke : Really? That bad?