Friends & Crocodiles (TV Movie 2005) Poster

(2005 TV Movie)

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8/10
Large canvas, beautiful to look at, plenty to think about
ian_harris25 January 2006
This piece seems to have divided the audience and critics. We have seen and heard more negative reviews than positive ones.

We thought it was a very interesting and enjoyable piece. As so often with Poliakoff, he creates characters who don't behave as you expect them to. They infuriate and they surprise you.

In this epic piece, spanning some 20 years (early eighties to early naughties)Poliakoff examines themes of business, friendships and survival in a fast-changing world.

Crocodiles are an interesting metaphor for survival and coping with change/trauma.

So are friends, both the loyal and the relatively fair-weather variety. Both types are on display here.

Drama about business is usually horribly infuriating because the playwright has little or no insight into how business really works. Similarly technology. Poliakoff understands business and technology far better than most writers.

Of course the piece simplifies and takes positions on these issues - who wants a 20 parter on such subjects - but the piece works excellently well as a sub 2 hour film for TV.

Several critics said that they "just don't get it" with this piece. I feel sorry for them if that is really the case. Perhaps most critics, like most writers, have little understanding of business and/or technology.

The acting is excellent - Damien Lewis (everywhere these days) and Jodhi May predictably good. A few cameos for old favourites too.

The cinematography is just stunning - Poliakoff is probably now at the very top of his game in this aspect of his work.

It's big canvas stuff, it is truly beautiful to look at and it leaves you plenty to think about and talk about afterwards.

We need more of this quality of stuff on TV and cinema please!! And this piece will last. Some of those who "don't get it" just now will, in a few years time, be hailing it as a classic and repeating it for decades to come. It's that sort of piece.
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6/10
Much better first half than second
intelearts26 December 2006
While looking and feeling like big production TV from the BBC the central question marks are really the pivot points of Friends and Crocodiles.

Set initially in the a multi-millionaire's world of bizarre parties and meaningless hedonism it is a timeless journey into one man and one woman's counterbalancing act. He wild. She composed. He unorganized. She overly so etc;

The Eighties in Britain were a time of an implosion of time and security, and rapidly followed by immense greed. On the flip-side of this was a vast sub-culture spawned by the rejection or denial of access to the success of Thatcherite policies.

But this is not a film about politics, or even economics, and it has a strong surreal edge to it - it is definitely worth viewing for the juxtaposition between the work ethic - protestant, bourgeois, uptight - and the new entrepreneur - free-wheeling, charismatic, and mesmerizing.

Largely successful Poliakoff writes a great visual script and directs in sweeping tranches of panoramic vistas - this is largely a film based on ken Russell's sensibilities of what make film work - it is bold, and fun, but for my taste at the end of the day - a bit like the Eighties themselves - had loads of style but the substance is obscure...

It works best in the unreal world of parties and we thought it fell apart when the parties ended. Brilliant first half. Weaker second.

The rise and fall and redemption are too commonplace - here the acting should have had power rather than a footnote to the parties - and we were left wondering if,like the Eighties, it was all a bad hangover and a fitful night.
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6/10
Very good but can be improved!
sirfire26 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Finally a movie that doesn't spell it out in plane words so the intelligent can watch without feeling that the director was being condescending, while it has it flaws it leaves you coming to your own conclusions and that seems to be the problem with other reviews. I can honestly say due to meeting highly intelligent people that they can be self destructive to a point where they are about to touch infinite success only to destroy it with their own hands. This to me was the point of the whole story and while some of the business processes are clearly flawed if you can get over the details you can see how the story makes its point. The acting was good (especially Damian Lewis and Jodhi May) however a lot more could have been done to expand the characters around them so that the story was smoother or more understanding, the problem is that the movie would be too long and if it made you feel uncomfortable it wouldn't have made a difference. I guess you need to have experienced something similar to relate to this story perhaps just friends who you meet every now and then.

The Metaphor of the crocodile was obvious to some but clearly missed by many to explain the story and i guess I'm happy that this is the case ;) Worth watching sure it has flaws and if you want a thinking movie that explores the eighties and nineties and have a friend who is on the road to self destruction you will perhaps even understand it.
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7/10
beautiful movie, but what's the point?
mike-musterd-28 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I watched this movie as it was aired on Dutch television and was intrigued from the beginning.

The movie starts off at a place that makes me hum "garden party" from Marillion, and is set beautifully. Then, she-bang, the reality of hard life kicks in and we see the formerly millionaire (Paul) been given a job out of pity by his former employee (Lizzie). Obviously, we are suddenly several years ahead ?!?? a few more of such jumps and we see Lizzie being in the board of management but seemingly without an actual vote. Her being the only woman there must account for that, I guess. Finally the dot-com bubble bursts and Paul is once again wealthy and Lizzie is not.

I liked the believable acting, the beautiful shots and the insight in 20+ years of Brit-life. The downside is that the characters don't seem to develop, and that the plot is not really believable. Overall though, this movie is one of the better movies I've seen this year.
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6/10
Watch this for Jodhi May. Ignore the cartoonish depiction of big business.
210west6 January 2024
Though handsomely produced and fairly diverting, this is ultimately a rather silly movie. Characters rise and fall and undergo drastic transformations at the whim of its simple-minded plot. (Mike Leigh's two-hander "Career Girls" seemed similarly unrealistic, but its characters were so endearing that it didn't matter.)

The biggest problem with "Crocodiles" is that it has a high school freshman's idea of what the workaday business world is like. The heroine's ascent is never believable, nor are the emotional changes she goes through. The three bosses we see -- a fussy, posturing little fellow played by Allan Corduner, a ruthless corporate CEO played by Patrick Malahide, and some pushy, fault-finding fat guy at the beginning -- are all ridiculous caricatures. The office Corduner presides over resembles a kindergarten class. The Damian Lewis character is treated by everyone there with inexplicable deference and indulged for months in ways no real-life company would put up with. (In fact, his character's imperturbable smugness throughout the film is increasingly hard to take.) And in light of what's happened in the real world, his success in establishing a string of old-fashioned bookstores seems sadly ironic.

The movie also forces us to watch too many long, lavish parties, and it's a reminder that -- for me, at least -- there's nothing more boring (although they were probably fun to stage).

On the other hand, Jodhi May remains fairly breathtaking in just about anything; and considering all the closeups and screen time she gets, I have the impression that Poliakoff was as enamored of her as I am.
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10/10
Original, thought provoking and inspiring
superman96313 November 2007
I honestly thought that this was one of the greatest films I have ever had the pleasure of watching. Is it just me or are the general public getting less intelligent as I get older? It is true that in this film not everything is handed on a plate to the viewer, however, for me, this is what makes it a complete breath of fresh air. I'm quite bored with having every intricate detail of stories and characters in modern films served up to me as if I was completely mindless. This film leaves the viewer to do some thinking for a change and as part of the process it challenges their perspectives and values. We are then left with questions not only of the film but also of ourselves, which is exactly where we are supposed to be. It is is original, thought provoking and takes us back to the old art of story telling at its best.

Adam
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10/10
A summary of British society from Thatcher till the present through the eyes of two volatile business people
stew-4317 January 2006
Friends and Crocodiles follows the career of Paul, a brilliant entrepreneur who has made his fortune from retail. As well as being talented, he is also feckless and unstable. We open in 1981, when Paul is the owner of a beautiful country house set in a vast estate (echoes of Richard Branson's purchase of The Manor near Oxford a few years earlier). We then follow Paul's volatile career, which becomes intertwined with that of Lizzie, a talented manager, whom he recruits as his PA from a local estate agent. She brings order to the chaos of the house, which Paul has filled with an assortment of freaks who are all expecting to make it big in something. Lizzie storms out of his employment after a stunt at one of Paul's parties puts people in danger and as the years progress their paths cross at intervals, their relationship slowly mutating into one of grudging mutual respect. Despite the chaos he creates around him, it is his judgement that she ends up respecting, against the entrenched wisdom of the whole business establishment.

The film is a sharp, accurate and very involving tour of Britain over the last quarter century, through the high noon of Thatcherism, the wobbling confidence of the Major years, the dot com boom and the subsequent meltdown, through to the present. The lunacies, the technologies, the pain and the silliness. Maybe you had to live through it and suffer with it for Friends and Crocodiles to work. But even without that it's a vision very difficult to ignore.

Nowhere on television have I seen colour used as it is here. Almost every shot is a work of art, which of course makes it sound pretentious. It isn't pretentious on screen -- just a succession of startling, highly unusual and often very beautiful images. In some ways reminiscent of Fellini's movies, but more rooted in the everyday.

Underpinning it are the expert performances of Damian Lewis as Paul and Jodhi May as Lizzie, which are crisp, sharp and utterly believable.
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5/10
Annoying
Jonathan Dore24 January 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Stephen Poliakoff seems to have got into a bit of a rut: although he is rightly praised for creating characters with interesting quirks in their history and personality, almost all his recent dramas seem to revolve around very wealthy -- or at least socially advantaged -- people, usually eccentric, for whom giving or attending parties, or talking about parties they used to attend, or remembering overhearing other people reminisce about parties they attended, forms an improbably large proportion of their waking thoughts. Frankly it's beginning to seem formulaic. With all this partying, perhaps Mr P. needs to stay in more?

Here the eccentric, hugely wealthy party-giver is Paul Reynolds, who develops a fixation with employing, then serially disappointing, a bright and efficient young secretary, Lizzie. It's insinuated that he has business genius and a farsighted understanding of emerging trends, but we're not really given enough evidence to tell if that aura is really deserved. Written in 2004/5 (I think?), Paul's late-80s prediction that bookshops with integral cafés were the big thing of the future might have looked prescient -- a prescience the writer seems to contrast with Lizzie's later employer's crash in the dot-com bubble. Yet half a decade on, with Borders gone and Waterstones just hanging on, who can say that big bookshops with cafés were the canny choice, compared to internet retailing? The future has turned round and bitten the author back.

Paul is presented as enigmatic, but that largely seems down to the deep-frozen glint in Damien Lewis's eye, which could equally be interpreted as psychotic. Given the air of perpetual menace that surrounds him -- at least from the catastrophic garden party onwards -- it's hard to believe that Lizzie would even have agreed to have lunch with him again, let alone offered him work. His motivation is utterly opaque: What made him want to trash his own party? What made him indifferent -- even seemingly happy about -- the destruction of Lizzie's and his own hard work on his various projects during the party? What made him deliberately undermine Lizzie at the agency by doing no work for 5 months? Once his money had gone, frankly, why would any of his former associates give such a man the time of day?
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10/10
Challenging and Emotional, Pure Poliakoff
freeboprich-115 January 2006
This is most definitely one of the most affecting dramas I have seen in the past year, both casting and the expertise of the setting and prop crew were flawless. Honestly, I might be credulous, but the intended chronology of the film was exceptionally convincing, it did to an extent make me wish that more detail had been shown about the in-between periods that the narration had passed by, the characters were so intense that I felt pulled in by their stories and anything could have been relevant. It goes without saying that as a fan of Jodhi May as well as of the creator, I had been looking forward to this for some time and there was no disappointment apart from what I already mentioned. On the whole there's more in the way of emotional turbulence than joyful interludes, but the overall message is delightful and has effected me profoundly. My thanks to all involved.
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5/10
Nothing is illuminated
paul2001sw-116 November 2007
Stephen Polliakoff's films are always interesting, even when they're not actually very good, because Polliakoff himself is interested in things that few other contemporary writers and directors are: time (he likes to tell his stories slowly) and space (they unwind in beautiful and unusual places). Unfortuantly, the specific content is often less interesting than the way that he explores it: the world he paints is aesthetically delightful, but sometimes doesn't resemble the real world very closely; 'Friends and Crocodiles', for example, is not his only film about a rich man surrounding himself with eccentric friends, in a way that seems more necessary for the purpose of the drama, than it does plausible. And this particular film is also let down by some clunky expositional dialogue (for example, when the heroine gets a new job, someone feels the need to explain that her new firm is "one of the country's largest companies"), a paper-thin satire of modern business practices, and the lack of chemistry between her character and her millionaire patron. Alan Rickman, who played a similar millionaire in his earlier film "Close My Eyes", had the charisma to pull the role off; Damian Lewis, by contrast, is flat in this movie. One weakness of both stories in the Polliakoff's tendency to centre his dramas on false (or at least, irrelevant) dichotomies, particularly that between new technology and aristocratic artifacts; but both his worlds are unreal, gorgeous and belong to the moneyed elite; I find it hard to draw any meaningful lessons from their pseudo-conflict. I suppose you don't watch Polliakoff for pure social realism, rather for the imagery as striking as shafts of light. But light has to illuminate something: in this film, it's not that clear what that something is supposed to be.
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9/10
Worth Watching
conniea1-127 February 2006
I enjoyed Friends and Crocodiles and strongly suggest viewing it more than once. More nuances are then perceptible which fleshes out the story line that otherwise is convoluted and can be confusing. Both Paul and Lizzie demonstrate an extreme level of self control, although each of a different nature and each exhibited in vastly different ways. Lewis and May are exceptionally well suited for those two roles and do an excellent job of keeping the viewer focused on their personalities and the theme, rather than have attention wander off on other characters or subplots. The interplay between the two of them can easily be viewed as signifying human interaction in areas other than the business world.
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9/10
Poliakoff's timely reminder of how good television can be
steve-borley16 January 2006
Warning: Spoilers
'Friends & Crocodiles' is an ambitious, layered delight. A strong cast - in particular Jodhi May and Damian Lewis as leads Liz and Paul -breathe real life into Poliakoff's rangy and challenging drama.

The story takes the audience through the relationship of Liz and Paul from an odd 70s beginning to a late 90s acceptance; a relationship that is never allowed to resort to a sexual connection and as such remains an ambiguous and mature exploration of a relationship between two intelligent but differently wired people.

As the characters develop, Paul slips further and further from the successful property magnate he is at the start, whilst Liz becomes ever more successful and senior in the glittering 80s and 90s economy. Whilst Paul remains, or certainly seems to, carefree Liz seems stuck in a vortex of misfortune that lead her to taste success before disaster ensues.

Poliakoff's eye for social historic detail is an ever-present theme throughout - he introduces mobile phones and PC and then the dot.com bubble. But this is not mere showing off, or 'B' movie-style signposting of time and place. Instead this changing technology takes us towards the finale where Liz's grand job at a large multinational turns to ashes as the headlong race to become a dot.com destroys her firm, it's employees and investors and ultimately (almost) Liz herself.

Poliakoff's theme is that of the danger of herd thinking; of assuming new is always better. Liz's fall from grace looks obvious to us in 2006 as we all wonder at the hysteria of the dot.com bubble. But back then it was a heresy to doubt the 'new paradigm'. The target is spot on, and well made - Paul, of course, reads the runes rather well - especially with his strategy paper as a futurologist. But such is the nature of the way their relationship has matured over the years there is no bitter pay-off of clunky 'just deserts' denouement. Poliakoff's characters are too well-rounded for that to have been possible.

'Friends & Crocodiles' is a well-paced, thematically-rich drama that is funny, challenging and wise. The main characters begin and remain charming, sympathetic and worthy of the audience's empathy. That is a testament to the script, direction and performances. As with 'The Lost Prince', Poliakoff's last effort, he reminds the audience that quality and entertainment are not mutually exclusive - and that the multi-channel environment of the 21st century does not mean the demise of truly superb television.
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5/10
Perhaps I'm Going off Poliakoff...
ennor13 November 2008
I can usually appreciate a good Poliakoff TV drama, but this one left me cold and even disinterested. I normally enjoy Damian Lewis's work as well, but his rather detached Paul left me not caring at all about what became of him; the quirky and enigmatic smile became irritating and more importantly, conveyed nothing at all. I felt that Jodhi May held the whole thing together; she seemed to have been written as the point-of-view character through whose eyes we see the ebb and flow of Paul's life, whilst at the same time we observe her rise and rise in the business world, something the self-sabotaging Paul could only envy.

Poliakoff generally sets his stories against a backdrop of historical social and political change. In 'Friends & Crocodiles' the social change covers the time from the hedonistic 1980's to the bursting of the dot com bubble. For me, I felt somewhat irrelevant as a viewer as the narrative dipped in and out of events in time. I believe that Poliakoff was too ambitious in attempting to create a cohesive story covering this time span in only 110 minutes of screen time. The reasons for the shortness of story-telling time may well have been financial - or whatever - but for me, this movie just didn't work, and in the end I didn't care what happened to any of the characters.

I really, really love Stephen Poliakoff's work, but I hope 'Friends & Crocodiles' remains the sole exception.
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10/10
Only January
barciad16 January 2006
Warning: Spoilers
and already we have a potential contender for TV drama of the year. Here was a two-hour one-off piece of work that created for so many people a world that they all knew all too well, yet imbibed it with a freshness and a vitality that made it utterly irresistible. When watching this piece, it is impossible not to think of the Great Gatsby and Bonfire of the Vanities. Like this, they were tales of luxury and excess, whilst around them (if they bothered to look hard enough) stood poverty and despair. Paul is an irresponsible self-made young millionaire a and a man of incredible potential. Lizzie is a dour young career woman of stoic determination and an incredible aptitude for organisation. It is clear from this that when the former hirers the latter as a secretary in order to fulfil all his grand ideas, that the relationship between the two is never going to be totally cosy. And so it proves over their respective ups and downs through 25 years of British urban life. Whether or not it is mainly about those two or the world around them depends on your point of view. It could simply be a basic drama about a very mismatched couple, but then that would not be very original. Instead, they become a conduit for Poliakoff to place his views about us since Thatcher. About our virtues, our vices, and - in all walks of life - our excesses. Utterly essential.
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5/10
So disappointing after a pretty promising start
inframan4 March 2006
This film starts off with a great flourish, with Damian Lewis doing a perfectly tuned & on-target portrayal of a calm cool feral madman entrepreneur of the 1960s or 1970s, Paul Reynolds, surrounded by a collection of pretentious sycophants whose archetypes range back to the early Roman era. They party & posture amid Paul's palatial estate when Lizzie strolls in. Straight & serious Lizzie, for whom Paul develops an inexplicable attraction that ultimately leads to his & the film's doom. Lizzie, fresh from secretarial school, is hired by Paul as his personal assistant, although she never displays any sign of business or political aptitude. Given the task of organizing Paul's large collection of notes & papers into some kind of accessibility, she proudly shows him her accomplishment: everything's been prettily packaged & shelved in four color groups of boxes, no labels in sight, apparently interpreting her duties to be interior decoration.

As played by Jodhi May, Lizzie splits her emotive energies between the coy tilted head smirks teenage girls give dad when they want $80 for new jeans and hysterical outbursts that make you wonder if this takes place in an alternate universe without the benefits of psychotherapy.

There are other problems in placing this film in a known universe, although it tries hard to represent specific points in time. Early on, Paul dreamily says to Lizzie, "Computers, you should get into computers, that's where the future is. Women used to prevail in the field of computers but now the the guys are taking over." Oh yeah?

The film becomes increasingly choppy & episodic as it proceeds. I began to feel as though I were watching a version of "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are dead" (sans Shakespeare or Stoppard) as done by Ed Wood, i.e. all the real action taking place in another universe.

Vague generalizations substitute for plot movement, grand statements about corporations being hippos & the future of business being in telecommunications & the internet, not vacuum cleaners. Unh hunh. No mention of laptops or cell phones.

Too bad. The first 20 minutes on Paul's estate & the ideas driving Friends & Crocodiles had a lot of promise. Great title, too. But the title's explanation, like the rest of the movie, are a terrible letdown.
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9/10
Poliakoff never fails, truly absorbing.
Sleepin_Dragon27 April 2019
For anyone that's a fan of drama from the pen of the incredible Poliakoff, then this will be something to savour.

Friends and Crocodiles spans three decades, looking at a range of fascinating, and quirky characters.

It is intensely absorbing drama, the characters are huge, and what's most interesting is the directions their lives go in. He writes a somewhat whimsical story, one which doesn't have the teeth of most drama made today, you could argue, but it's his particular style that is so captivating.

The acting is incredible, Damian Lewis and Joshi May are both sublime, as are the whole cast.

It's a visual feast, and Poliakoff employs his usual traits, photographs, memories, and of course life through the years.

A drama to get lost in. 9/10
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9/10
Very, very photogenic look at the UK in the eighties/nineties.
kayleeser28 February 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Being one of Thatcher's children myself, whose working life began with the start of her premiership, I found this a fascinatingly photogenic look at this era. I don't remember the time as quite so pretty, but I do remember the disparity between the rich and the poor, which I think is part of the intention here. I enjoyed the acting, but at the beginning found Paul too annoying and unsympathetic as a character, but I warmed to him by the end, especially as Damian Lewis portrays his hippy phase beautifully. Jodhi May was also excellent. I recognised the big company ethos; consultants, dot-com boom, out with the old and thought that was very legitimate- think Marconi, fellow Brits- living down the road from its Head Office I did rather cringe as the big beast was destroyed. All in all I feel this was a rewarding piece to watch and definitely worthy of further study, so have bought the DVD!
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2/10
Not what was expected
geoff-mendoza16 January 2006
The lavish scenes and multitude of props gave the impression that this would be a first class production but I felt that there was very little story or plot taking place. The main characters took up so much of the time that it was hard to remember who all the other characters were. Perhaps twice we were shown what time period we were in but there were many occasions when I simply didn't know how much further in time the story had moved. If the main leads had aged it might have helped.

And where did all those children come from in such a short space of time? What happened to all of Paul's money? What was the purpose of the character who could answer any question (when he clearly couldn't)? Most of the acting was of a high standard but at the end I was left with "So what?"
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9/10
Superb evocation of the spirit of three decades with rich and ultimately sympathetic characters
Robert_Woodward5 January 2008
I watched the DVD of this film hot on the heels of catching Poliakoff's similarly excellent 'Capturing Mary.'

Here the range of sets and costumes are more lavish still with Damian Lewis and Jodhi May in the lead roles traversing a multitude of outfits and hairstyles as the story traverses three decades of British working life, capturing the ebbing and flowing spirits of the age in two evidently archetypal characters, both of whom are nonetheless developed in a rounded and sympathetic way and thus come across as real individuals.

The supporting cast is also exceptionally strong, portraying a breadth of distinctive characters who each help to paint in details of this era, from politicians whose personal lives brim with potential scandal to gifted children who grow up without channelling their promise in any direction.

I look forward eagerly to seeing more of Poliakoff's work.
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3/10
A girl is hired as PA to a wealthy businessman, the story follows their lives from the 1980s to the present
are_you_in16 January 2006
As another viewer commented, this feature length production is pretty empty- both of story and characters. The two leads are both very irritating and have no real depth to them. How she ever becomes attached to him is never really shown. The only scenes they share are ones in which she is reprimanding him for some minor incident. In fact the only thing they ever do together at work is a colour coded file system, constantly viewed as some work of genius. She even later calls him her mentor- though we never see him teach her anything. Paul isn't half as enigmatic as he is made out to be either.

All Friends and Crocodiles is, is a succession of shots of grand parties against the backdrop of the 1980s/1990s (with the obligatory brick mobile phone joke). There's a vague sense of whimsy about the story but it all feels rather forced. We never cared about these characters in the first place- so when their various falls from grace and rises to fortune happen, as an audience we just don't care.

I'm sure the writer/directors other work is all very worth watching (like the 'The Lost Prince' for instance), and whilst 'Friends and Crocodiles' all looks similarly lavish and picturesque there is really nothing at all to it.

My Dad summed it up perfectly as the credits rolled- 'Pathetic'
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10/10
Subtle, brutal, charged and intoxicating
peter-c-booth16 May 2006
One of th finest modern dramas enabling world class participants to push at the envelope at all stages of the play. Tha great bard would have been proud. Underlying the glorious production were performances of breathtaking beauty and honesty from the two leading players. Jodhi in particular played the sexually charged and profoundly confused "innocent" perfectly. The bubbling sexual tension brought the viewer closer to the set at every scene and created an atmosphere of chaos that was always fulfilled but in an unexpected way. In many ways it stands along side a modern day recreation of the Government Inspector (or perhaps a Comedy or Errors), a production that effortlessly achieves its goal of taking apart the pillars of accepted society and replaces them with an almost innocence of child like hope and opportunism (tinged with some unwanted and unforeseen brutality). A worlds class production. Well done to all involved.
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3/10
Easily missable
revenga16 January 2006
I too had seen the many trailers the BBC had put out for this drama and being a fan of Robert Lindsay and Damien Lewis (and Jodhi May in Last of the Mohicans) i was expecting something quite special from auntie.

What i got was a story that lacked substance (and much of a plot) and was told using huge jumps into the future followed by or preceded by lines like "i haven't spoken to Paul in 6 years..." and a deep and meaningful look.

There was no real character development and i was confused as to how Poliakoff, Jodhi May and Damian Lewis had managed to make the leads so successfully unlikeable.

As I mentioned above I like both of them in other projects but in this I thought they were unforgivable. Even the normally sublime Robert Lindsay shuffled about looking out of place - which just emphasises how badly written his part was.

I really wanted to like this and had been quite excited - planning an evening in with a friend to enjoy the rarity of drama in a world of Big Brother and Strictly Dance on Ice (or whatever). The sad thing is that Big Brother might have been better entertainment...

Verdict: Easily missable - I should have gone to the pub instead.
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3/10
Never seen a Poliakoff before... and this didn't tempt me to see any others!
chrisholdridge19 January 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I'd heard a lot of hype about Stephen Poliakoff and the trailer looked great, so I was anticipating something special. The first twenty minutes or so provide a brilliant set-up, and huge credit must go to the set-designers and costume people for incredible visuals.

However, the film commits the cardinal sin of not bothering to give you any reason to like the characters. The two leads are stiff and monotonous (how can a man who has a threesome with two nubile blonds and hires thugs to gatecrash his own party be so ditch-water dull as Paul?) whilst the minor characters are given only the briefest of set-up scenes for us to get to know them before being referred to nostalgically for the rest of the film. What are we meant to think - oh yes, the boy we saw for two seconds holding a sparkler, how poignant to think he is now 40 and sitting in a café! Who cares!? Furthermore, there has been a definite decision to avoid the obvious path (I don't want to put a spoiler, but when you see it you'll know what I mean). This path would indeed have been obvious, yes, but it would have given some substance to the film, which is otherwise totally bland.

A lack of consistency also pervades the characterisation, and rather than making the characters elusive and mysterious, it just makes them unbelievable. Would a man who has built a huge fortune from nothing be genuinely content to lose it all and live in squalor? Would a brilliant businessman really accept a huge salary to work as a consultant and then, 5 months later, simply utter a one-word plan and be confused as to why anyone thought this was insufficient? If so, why? If we aren't given an insight into his thinking process, all we can assume is that there is no real plan behind his character: he is just a mishmash of whatever dialogue the writer thinks is clever at the time...

And if I haven't put you off yet, the final conversation between the two lead characters is about the stupidest thing I have ever heard in a "serious" movie.

Friends and Crocodiles scrapes 3 points for the brilliant first 20 minutes and for the sets and costumes throughout, but unless you want a lesson in how not to do it, I really wouldn't bother.
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2/10
Either a Sophisticated Inside Joke; or, Totally Pretentious Idiocy
mikeh-5404418 February 2022
After reading the wildly overblown 9, and 10 reviews; I can only suspect that you need to be a puffed-up wannabe film expert devoted to Eisenstadt, Bergman, and Citizen Kane to have a clue what this movie is all about. Should be relegated to basement "art" cinemas attended by paunchy, old, hairless members of the Beat Generation.

For the rest of us, the 98.7% of movie fans..... a hot mess devoid of any shred of movie fun. Or, more succinctly.... Gaarbbage!
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2/10
Awe
jpclifford1 April 2017
I saw this "picture" (you look like a picture) and experienced it as horror or must I say "ghast"? I wrote to the BBC that there seems nothing more fascinating then to witness insanity. I never got an answer. The problem is: Why must this kind of amusement be made public? Is it disdain? Regards.
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