User Reviews

Willy Warlock is back *Huzzah* and he's been recast AGAIN!

This time he's facing off with a coven of witches who like ripping peoples hearts out and satan and occult and.....yeah, same as usual basically.

With the usual brand of sex, terrible sfx and a bafflingly poor story the Witchcraft franchise returns for its 13th addition to the franchise. By now you'd think they'd have had at least one watchable film, if only by accident! Alas they haven't.

As amazing as this sounds all things considered, this is a contender for the worst one yet. The plot was even more jumbled than usual and all these different actors playing the same character is just making my head spin.

Watch at your own peril.

The Good:

Nope

The Bad:

Weirdly dark

Poor sound quality

Laughable sfx

Poorest plot yet

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Lucky no.13 doesn't apply here

Man, I got super excited when I saw the title to this flick...Witchcraft 13! Oh my god this has got to be one awesome flick. I mean from the moment it started I couldn't wait for it to be over so they could get to making number 14! I mean the darks were so dark I couldn't tell what was going on...AMAZING! And the acting...let me tell you about the acting. It was so great it was bad. The actors are so good they didn't even need to give their A game. And Plot? Who needs plot when you got a story this great. And man the line reading is just...man I can't say it enough...AMAZING! All I gotta say is that I can't wait for part 14...because part 13 was that bad...I mean good.

Witchcraft 13: Blood of the Chosen (2008)

* (out of 4)

After a six year hiatus, the WITCHCRAFT series is back with its (so far) final entry. Will Spanner (Tim Wrobel) is back and this time he's once again investigating the death of a friend, which once again has him tangling with evil forces. Ahh, the thirteenth entry into this series is quite a strange one for a few reasons. You can tell that the screenwriters wanted this series to return to the fans and they even offered up various things connecting to previous entries. As you might remember, there was a character who started off a man but switched to a woman and this here is explained. We even have returning characters going as far back as the second film and there are even other moments where plot points from previous movies are mentioned. I certainly applaud the screenwriters for attempting to give fans some sort of connection but sadly it's all wasted because this film is downright hard to watch. I say that because technically speaking this film is just a disaster as nearly every scene is so dark that you can't make out what's going on. The audio quality is also extremely low, which at times makes the dialogue hard to understand. It's strange that the technical quality would be so bad here and it really hampers the sex scenes, which is usually the drawing point for this series. These scenes are so dark that quite often you can't see any of the actual nudity! The performances are pretty much what you'd expect from the series but I will say they aren't the worst. The special effects are basically limited to the killers ripping the heart's from the victim's chest but none of them are all that believable. WITCHCRAFT 13 is certainly just going to be for fans of the series but it's doubtful many of those will make it all the way through.

Like a low-fi horror version of Lar's Von Trier's "The Five Obstructions", director Mel House and his game cast manage to shine the large turd that is the long-running Witchcraft series to a golden gleam, while staying within the narrow confines of the tropes set forth by previous entries.

While the script stays bogged down in the deep wagon-ruts of its predecessors (boobs, blood, and a pentagram or two for good measure), the energy shown in the visuals and performances (some obviously created in the editing room) raise it above standard direct-to-DVD grand guginol fare.

Cast standouts include Tim Wrobel as warlock with a heart of gold and libido of indiscriminate taste, Will Spanner and Zoe Hunter as the "witch who keeps her clothes on". Wrobel manages to get across Spanner's world-weariness even as he beds every witch in sight while Zoe displays deft comedic skill in a brief sequence where she receives "help" from a good Samaritan on a lonely Texas road. I suppose that Roxy Vandiver's athletic performance in one of the most methodical and varied sex scenes ever filmed deserves some mention, though it is hard to watch without hearing the less-than-subtle sound of jackhammers in the back of your mind.

Moving into the director's chair after handling DP duties on the Wolinski brother's previous effort, Mel House shows a flair for interesting camera work and a sense of pacing critical to genre films. Though sometimes falling short of the mark, his use of effects, both digital and practical, greatly enhance the look and feel of the picture. If he overreaches on occasion, it's only because his vision outpaces his budget (and sometimes his actors).

I've heard that his next project will be a completely original film and I'm looking forward to seeing what he'll do with a bigger budget and a greater degree of control.

A nice film to watch while devouring the heart of your loved one.